I've been at once bemused and unsettled by all the press being given to the May 21st Rapture prediction. Bemused because, well, even practicing Christians are very aware of the clear smackdown of any who attempt to predict the Rapture. Naturally, no one listens to this - any more than the many verses about doing good simply to win the good opinion of others. Such ethical FAILs fall deep under the purview of human nature, alas.
Now on to the unsettled thing - I'm unsettled because, as many of you know, I was in a coma for three and a half weeks last year. Contrary to the usual experience, I dreamed. Nonstop.
Now, 570 hours or so in the rack is a long, long time to cover pretty much every dream-topic you can come up with. Lucky me - one of the topics was the Rapture.
Some background (read or skip as you will)
In a nutshell: I was raised Presbyterian. Officially, Presbyterians are a Postmillenialist creed, which means (see cool chart at link above) that (as best as I was given to understand it) the Second Coming won't happen until after each and every person on the planet has a chance at redemption. In strictly Christian redemption terms, that would mean all x billion people having, I guess, the option of ministry. More generically, the message is one of good gradually laying the smack down on evil and, once the best possible outcome is obtained, the "master of the house", at a conspicuously unknown hour, will show up and review the efforts and dispense good things and lovingkindness - and do so generously.
(All of this - and the clash of this view of things with what passes (and brashly) for Christianity amongst the Rapturist set will play out at the conclusion of our tale.
Getting back to basics...
Despite this fairly sheltered and (at least in my experience) intellectually rigorous variation of Christendom some of the ecstatic beliefs creeped through via friends, relatives and of course the ubiquitous Chick Publications which are these little comic art tracts that are designed to be attractive to kids and teens and outright terrifying. That is their purpose - to scare your prodigal butt into the pews.
Independently of such fine prone (cough), there was lots of Bible reading in my childhood - almost all of it voluntary. I also dove into the church library as a child, with a special focus on anthropology, ancient and classical history and natural history, with some geology and lots of geography thrown in for good measure. I do so love me some maps - it's how I learned to draw, copying off of maps.
Now, I'm not going to say I've been much of a regular churchgoer - not in a long, long time. Nor did my experience that I am about to share turn me into one. My reasons for this are not about unbelief - rather, it is what I call the difference between faith and knowledge. I've never needed church community in the same way most people do - it's never been about cleaving to a group or to liturgy and stories for me.
What I sought, always, was the answer not to the question: Is there a God? Rather - okay, setting these fine stories aside - Who and what are you, really? And what are you really about?
Heh. Can't say I ever got an answer... until this particular dream from over a year ago.
I will give you one spoiler: the more contemptuous you are of contemporary American Rapturism, the more you are going to love the punchline. So wait it out. :)
A quick theological disclaimer
This is a summarization of a dream while under heavy sedation, one amongst a host of other very interesting dreams. This one, due to the subject matter, is going to run a lot of people the wrong way no matter what I say.
But to them and theirs, let me say I am fully aware of the 18th verse of the 22nd chapter of Revelation that makes it rather clear you really don't want to embellish this story. Srsly! Does NOT want!.
Good thing it's just a DKOS diary based on a medically-induced coma dream. Not to be confused with Biblical prophecy. Since I am not so confused - don't you be, either.
Still, this story has some ethical merit that's tested well with a variety of personages over the past year in private conversation, so....
With that disclaimer out of the way...
On with the story!
Now, of no small interest to yours truly is that the entire doctrine of the Rapture is based not on Revelation but on a single segment of the First Letter of Paul to the Thessalonians. discussing being caught up into the air to meet God.
From that, all else follows. HUGE tons of hair has been pulled (sometiimes from other people's heads) over how this one line fits into St. John's apocalyptic verses...whether the events of this Rapture are simultaneous with the Second Coming or separate, how much time passes between the two (if any) and of course (see: headlines on Google) when the darn thing is supposed to happen...if at all.
In my dreams I had passed through years of isolation from my family and happily been reunited with then in the mountains of North Carolina. One reason I am not too worried about this 2001 Rapture prediction is that it's too soon, haha. However...in the context of the dream, this experience that was absolutely convincing in every detail - sound, sound of wind, variations of light on springtime trees, the smell of traditional Southern cuisine - never mind the taste. The touch of familiar hands, the smells (sometimes of youth, other times of age) of embracing relatives.
For some reason - oh yes, my sudden reappearance to the family - everyone I was related to was present, at a parsonage house near a small Appalachian chapel that was conveniently available for this purpose. It was Easter weekend, coincidentally. My oldest son had literally just floated down the Green River with his Scout troop. It had been a touching reunion...the reasons for my amnesia and strange hops through time were mixed together (I had some notion it was the late 2010s - in case your are wondering Obama gets re-elected and the economy recovers. People are in a good mood, generally.)
So, this serendipitous gathering -some factions of family that had not seen each other since my own parents' divorce - it was like...heaven. It was something I had not ever imagined to see. Something I had longed to see all my childhood...no sniping amongst my mother and aunt and grandmother. My grandmother, yet alive despite pushing past 105 years in this story. My brother and his family. My cousin the composer, reconciled with his sister and parents after some years of quarrels. And last of all, the woman I owe so much to and yet have had such troubles even speaking to kindly - my mother.
We spoke for a long time. She had married again - at last - had finally started turning gray, despite incredible fortune in this respect (a trait of all the women on my mother's side of the family - they do NOT turn gray until late). She had finally retired - at last - decided to stay in South Carolina. My grandmother had decided for some reason to move south to stay after decades with my aunt - a move that precipitated a lot of the reconciliations present in that room.
You see, they had thought they had lost me for keeps. But i was back.
Everyone had all sorts of questions but ... later, later. The parallels to the fatted calf and the prodigal son's return were open and openly accepted. Even my stoic older brother, the great warrior and leader of men, did what he does - nods primly from across the room, and glances away before his hard-sculpted image wears thin in a vulnerable moment.
Naturally, his attention falls on the TV. He wants to watch sports. After all it is after dinner.
Instead, every channel is running the Rapture story.
Some nut has predicted yet again that, sorry for the false alarm a few years back, the Rapture really is night. And it's at 2PM Eastern Time.
Everyone glances unncessarily at the hand clock on the wall; CNN has the digital countdown running. It's not more than a couple of minutes away.
I ask a question. "Did I miss something while I was away?"
"Yes! This preacher's got everyone convinced it's really happening today!"
"Yes! Praise Jesus!" one of my aunts on my father's side declares. (They're huge Pentacostals.) "His time is night!"
Poll results flash up; it's not a majority but it's close. For some reason, this time, people are buying it.
MKK comes close; the boys are with her. She smiles but her dark eyes are concerned. I know the look - Something big's going to happen.
I am about to ask her when she says "My sister called. Mattie's fine."
I blink. Mattie? She sees. "Our daughter. The one with speech problems? In Texas for special school? You've forgotten so much..."
A daughter... oh, boy.
One minute to go.
I wonder what I am supposed to do. Is it cheating to say the Lord's Prayer? I do that at the start of airplane flights... this seems like a good time... it's a quick just-in-case thing. I say it silently.
"So what's supposed to happen..." I ask.
Aunt Dee, the enthusiastic one, elaborates. "We will all be taken up into the air and look down and be reborn in glorified bodies and have every hurt and regret wiped from our minds! There will be no tears - only joy!"
"So one moment will we be here...."
"...and in the blink of an eye we will be transported to Paradise!"
I mull this over. My heart is racing.
Somehow I can tell hundreds of millions of hearts worldwide are doing likewise. Anywhere near a television. Watching this clock run down.
Five.
Four.
"So, in theory..."
Two.
"We won't ever see the ...."
One.
Zero.
"Zero...."
Silence. Even the wind stops. Then suddenly everything glows golden and the entire world is full of trumpets. Song. Part of me is quite sure a nuclear explosion or the interior of the sun would not be as bright, nor as loud. And yet here we all are, watching the world illuminated like a parchment turned into a universe.
Oh. My. God. It's really happening. We are all thinking this. I glance about. Some are on their knees. Some are knocked to their knees in shock. I'm gazing up at rafters in a large cabin that are both solid and transparent to the sky. Trees are golden and amber-limned. It's all that.
Then there is a voice. A strong tenor, coming ...from the television set. But it is also in the air. The wind is back, but it is singing. The leaves are moving, but they are dancing.
But every head turns to the TV screen....and it is as if we are all suddenly transported....
...to an airport tarmac. Mathematically and physically, it is impossible for so many people to be present in one location at once but it's happening.
No... it is an awareness. We're still in the mountains. I break concentration and look down. Here I am. OK, it's a very, very cool vision thing then. I look up and I am "back" at the airport tarmac.
Down. In the cabin. Up. At Airport. Heh. Very cool.
There is a plane - and it's a Concorde. (Yes, I saw the movie "Heaven Can Wait" long ago. I am sure this is the source material.) I have trouble describing the color. Sometimes it seems white. Sometimes black. Sometimes none of the above. Guess: It's not really a plane, but it's being conveniently familiar for our benefit.
And down the gangway comes none other than a man in a professional suit - simple, dark cut, dark tie, white shirt, neatly trimmed beard and longish hair. Gaius Baltar with a beard? No...it's Jesus.
"I imagine you all have some questions for me. Let's do a quick interview, shall we?"
Then suddenly we are all seeing the interior of a studio. The lighting is dark, save for a pool of light. Windows are to the right, looking out on ... everywhere. The airport, the mountains, the Marianas Trench, Mount Erebus in Antarctica, Beijing, Rome... Mars... the Andromeda Galaxy... 3C43 and all the other quasars.
It's a nice view. I glance around the studio. There are stars - as in the big kind that light the cosmos - all over the place. OK, that's a neat trick, too.
"I believe you have a question," he says. He is looking right at me. And pointing. And everyone on the planet is noticing.
"I did just before you arrived...sir?" I grimace. Is that the proper form of address?
He smiles. "You still have the same question."
Ruh roh. I gulp. "OK..Why are you still here?"
Jesus laughs. It's a short light laugh, a sincere one. "That's a very good question. I appreciate you asking that."
He smiles and crosses his arms, and leans back in his chair. He sets his left foot atop his right knee, rocks back and forth and grins.
And waits.
"Oh, no! We're still here!" I hear my Aunt Dee wail.
Jesus grins wider and nods heartily.
"So who got taken?" A man asks.
Jesus shrugs. "Oh, just some ... people. Four.. five billion or so." He holds up an index finger. "I assure you, they are at complete ease from earthly worries now."
"So who's left behind?" My cousin asks.
"You are. The good Christians - and all the others too," Jesus murmurs. "I don't write the law I just fulfill it." He stands up. "Excuse me I need to confer with the Father for a moment." And our vision of the studio fades and we are all back in the mountains.
It's chaos. Everyone is making noise of some kind. People are quite upset. One moment it was this wonderful family outing, all blessed be and stuff, and then WHAM! The Rapture happens - and it's all backwards!
"The GOOD PEOPLE have been left behind!" Aunt Dee wails. She moves her chair scooter back and forth in agitation. "I want a glorified body!"
"There, there Dee - I think it's glorious," Uncle Arty comforts her.
"Be quiet! We've been lied to by somebody!" This is NOT how it was supposed to be!
The TV reflects our local consternation. There is a worldwide uproar. Newscasts are reporting that significant portions of the planet are depopulated - the populations of Asia and North Africa, much of Europe are effectively gone. Plenty of North America is emptied as well. Latin America and sub-Saharan Africa, though, are largely the same in population.
I take this in. For all intents and purposes, the balance of power has shifted south by virtue of numbers alone. Of course...since Jesus is amongst us, it's all good, surely.
Who could possibly complain?
I point out helpfully that based on the figures coming in, there are two billion people left on Earth and more than half of them are of either Hispanic or African ancestry.
I must confess to saying it because I know it will annoy some of my relatives. Is that bad of me? I wonder. After all the Second Coming just happened.
I snicker. I'm starting to realize that there is such a thing as divine justice and the Rapturists are the ones getting it.
Of course, it's no accident that I am "getting it" - Jesus is back on the TV, and explaining it. This time he is not laughing.
"Christians of the world! The Earth is yours. It is your New Jerusalem. It is your Millennium. You have been building it all your lives. Now you will live as you are for all eternity. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a LOT of people to get oriented in Heaven...."
"Hey!" It's my Aunt. "What about the glorified bodies?"
Jesus stops in mid-turn, looks out from the TV and is suddenly amongst us, looking down, hands on hips, at my Aunt in her motor scooter. He leans close and whispers, but it is heard worldwide.
"You wanted to forget about, all the people hurt by wars, poisons, oppression, torture, famine and disease - all those things you couldn't care about because you'd be rid of them all.
"I've taken every last one of them from your world. You will live forever. Despite your, heh, very interesting choice of chairs, you are healthy and have all the time you want to give yourself exactly the body you deserve - a true reflection of the beauty of your spirit."
"What? Work out? I've never done that!"
Jesus smirks. "People change." He looks around. He frowns. "You all look so sad - you have received a special redemption! Unique to you and you alone! Eternal life in ...well... myself!"
"Could I ask a question?" I ask.
"If you make it fast."
"Can we still have children? Should we? If we're immortal now, that could be a problem."
"Birth control..." Someone mutters, and not kindly.
"Well, that's one of those ethical dilemmas some of you need to get comfortable with, or you will have Hell on Earth." He pauses. "I did mention that you cannot die now, right?"
Horrified gasps fill the room. It sinks in that the Rapture is NOT the easy way out of having to make sensible decisions.
Aunt Dee is frozen in despair. Others are weeping. This is not what they signed on for.
Jesus comes close to her. "You want to share something with me, don't you?"
"I hate you," she whispers.
He comes close. "I know. You have always hated everything I was about. I asked you to give love - you only wanted adoration. Of yourself. And you have many, many like you."
She looks up, aghast at the condemnation, then scowls. "To hell with this! Take your peace and shove it! I want nothing of this now!"
And Jesus wept. "You really want this to go away now, don't you? I only delivered the salvation you wanted most! The Earth, and earthly appetites, all to your Christian selves, with no one else in the way." He shakes his head. "You just didn't think through the consequences of getting what you asked for.
"Well - good thing this is just a giant psych."
Everyone is stunned.
"Excuse me?" someone says. My Uncle Bob.
"We - my little family that is - we were very displeased that so much credence was given to this idiot preacher. Really, you guys down here need to actually read the Word - so charlatans like this don't damage your calm.
"So, we decided to teach two lessons at once. One you know - this is your salvation - what you make of this life, of this Earth - do it well, for when the hour comes, it will be your life for keeps. Forever. All of you are out of practice making decisions with lasting consequences in mind - for yourselves, for your children, for your world. THIS is your New Jerusalem...stop screwing up. A lot of work went into preparing it for you.
"As for the second lesson, well ,that's really the first: Stop handicapping Heaven. We do our things our way, on our dime, on our time.
"I'm going to bring everyone else back now. They won't remember a thing. But you will.
"So remember this if nothing else: Love they neighbor as thyself - because now every last one of your neighbors on this Earth knows they deserve it from you.
"So," he bows slightly, "until next time...."
And with that the world was restored.
The Christians of the planet were of two minds. Most were humble in spirit already, so the refresher course on doing right by others was well-taken. Many - enough to be a real problem - learned the hard consequence of faith being replaced by the knowledge that everything they had done with their faith was wrong...
These did not change, save in the way my Aunt did. They accepted the truth: That they in fact hated the tenets of Christianity as intended. They wanted nothign to do with it - they never had. They only wanted to feel special and superior.
I wasn't sure what would become of them, but I had a notion that these would someday be the supporters of the Beast.
For everything in their lives had prepared them, to wear the raiment of goodness...and mistake fine clothes for license to afflict others body, mind and soul.
I watched the sun set - a normal sun now - on a world that had suffered a psychotic break and then, just as suddenly, a psychic mending.
No, that was not it; we had been the brunt of a cosmic joke - but one with a life lesson burned into it.
...
This was just a dream. But it taught me, from the sum of all my experiences and indoctrination as a child into this faith, that old line: there is more under Heaven and Earth than is found in your philosophy.
And that goes double for Rapturists, to whom I have my own message:
You're screwing up, and you're embarrassing the rest of us who actually want to find a better path, to make good triumph over evil, who aren't craving for an easy way out ahead of the hard work to come.
And who do I mean by us?
Oh... lots of people. Some Christians... and some amongst the billions that, per the dream, Jesus very cooperatively took elsewhere - to Heaven. So "decent Gawd-fearin' folk wouldn't have to share eternity with them in the New Jerusalem." After all... that's what you all been asking for all along, right?
So, this time was just a head fake. Next time, the real.
And that's the end of one seriously intense dream. :)