This is not going to be a carefully researched diary that offers legal precedent on the history of marriage to explain the absurdity of arguing that it should be up to the states to decide whether same sex marriage should be legal. Instead, I'm just going to make a few common sense points about the absurdity of this state-by-state approach.
I am by no means criticizing the LGBT community or any other advocacy groups that are working hard to get same sex marriage legalized in various states. From the perspective of increasing social acceptance of the concept of marriage equality, I think it's a reasonable approach.
My criticism instead is for politicians on both sides of the political divide who try to straddle the fence with the cop-out line that it should be "up to the states." Yes, I'm referring in part to President Obama, who, as a constitutional lawyer, should know better.
This response is flawed on so many levels.
First, it's cowardly. It reminds me of when John McCain was asked during the 2000 Republican primary whether South Carolina should keep the Confederate flag flying from the state house and said it should be up to the people of South Carolina to decide. The question wasn't who should decide, but rather whether it was right or wrong.
When politicians are asked whether they support marriage equality and respond that it should be left up to the states, the next question should be, "Okay, then what do you think is the right decision for each state to make?"
Marriage equality cannot be right in New York but wrong in Kentucky; if it is right for same sex couples to be allowed to marry in New York, then it is also right for them to be allowed to marry in any other state. Can you imagine anyone today saying states should be able to decide individually whether to allow interracial marriage?
I have never heard a politician posit that it should be up to the states to decide whether white heterosexual adults have the right to marry. Apparently, the right of white heterosexual adults to marry anywhere they want has always been a "given," which has subsequently been expanded by the Supreme Court to include heterosexual adults of other races.
Leaving marriage for anyone up to the states is absurd on so many levels and this impracticality has long been recognized. Someone cannot be married in New York, yet single in Oklahoma. Could you imagine the outcry if a man had a heart attack on a business trip in Oklahoma, and his wife couldn't fly from New York to visit him in the hospital because Oklahoma refused to recognize their marriage?
Could you imagine if you were married in New York and wanted to relocate to Kansas for a job opportunity but it would mean you were no longer recognized as married? Does this mean same sex couples don't have to get divorced--they just have to move to a state that does not have marriage equality and then they are instantly divorced? Could you then marry a heterosexual person in Kansas if you so decided?
What if one partner in the New York same sex marriage has a credit card issued from a South Dakota institution and wants their spouse to be able to speak with the credit representative on their behalf? Can the South Dakota issuer refuse to recognize the spouse because South Dakota doesn't recognize the marriage?
What if they legally separate and one partner moves to a state that does not have marriage equality, and the out-of-state partner dies? Will the New York-residing partner have the right to retrieve the body, the property, etc.?
Are same sex couples who marry in one state still going to have to go through all sorts of legal maneuvering to ensure that they have custody, inheritance, and power-of-attorney rights as they travel from state to state---the rights that heterosexual couples take for granted?
If the administration of New York changes, will all those same sex couples married in New York suddenly be unmarried?
Leaving it up to the states is not good enough for same sex couples any more than it is good enough for heterosexual couples of any race. Everyone deserves the right to marry their loved one regardless of sexual orientation and to be RECOGNIZED as married under the law wherever they travel and free from discrimination that might come to them for being falsely perceived as not married (even for simple things, like not being able to take advantage of a discount for a married couple).
You either think marriage equality is right or isn't right--for ALL heterosexual and LGBT couples--and politicians should not be allowed to straddle the "states' rights" fence. While it isn't that surprising to hear this kind of coded language from conservatives, who still pretend the Civil War was only about "states rights" and nothing about slavery, it is highly disappointing to hear it from politicians on the left who undeniably know better.
End of rant
UPDATE:
I wanted to add one thing. We shouldn't even have to have laws marking it as "okay" for same sex couples to get married. Laws can be passed and rescinded. Marriage equality truly means that the right of same sex couples to wed is simply recognized, like the right of heterosexual couples to wed.