I went to the emergency room. I saw sick people there, much worse than I. I immediately felt pity for the people I saw, my own shame that I felt for having to be in this position became pity for those I saw who were in pain. I felt powerless, but stranger yet I felt exonerated, as if my guilt had melted away, and naked I saw that we are all frail and I saw my shame as the thinnest veil torn away, as together we all are equal in our mortality.
I don't know why I felt a sense of shame for becoming ill, even though it was not a major illness, perhaps it is tied to the male need to be strong, I'm sure stupid sex hormones have something to do with it. Even now, going to fill out my prescriptions and get my medicine I feel a fool, as if getting an ear infection somehow makes me an asshole, but then I think of all the people I saw in a crowded emergency room, and all of us together, I imagine on a boat, a boat with millions of others we can't see, and most of those people on that boat are either too young, too old, too sick or too poor to get by alone, we need each other.
When I see the sick, I feel pity, when I see the old and the young I want to show mercy, it is all I know. Perhaps I seek mercy for myself and find it in giving that mercy to others, don't we all find mercy in such ways? I do not want to worship at the cruel altar of the Almighty Dollar, that most discriminating of the Gods. I do not blame the sick for his sickness, nor do I blame the elders for their age. I do not want to worship at the same altars as the cruel and vengeful, yet they demand that I do.
The worshipers of vengeance reject mercy for all others save themselves. A God of Mercy is their enemy, they worship greed and it has become them, they have no empathy anymore, they reject social justice. They see sickness and see money to be made, they see the sick and the old as drags on society, they see pregnant women and they say it is their fault for having sex and that they must have the baby, but when the baby is born the worshipers of vengeance will offer no aid. Ironic, that those who most ardently worship the figure of a pregnant woman who could find no shelter in having her child, who was forced to bear pregnancy in a manger, now deny help to newborn mothers. They do not worship the figure of mercy. They worship at the altar of greed. You can not worship the Lord and Mammon, nor so can you preach the Bible in one hand and Atlas Shrugged in the other. To push the lack of mercy that is inherent in their greed the worshipers of vengeance must be cruel, just as a man who deals with cattle must be cruel as he leads them to their eventual slaughter. In much the same way the worshipers of greed will gladly lead you to a cruel fate if they think they may gain from it, and walking down that road for too long brings us to the same people who are too young to defend themselves, too sick, too old, too poor, and where I have only mercy they have only cruelty and vengeance in their hearts. What kind of a God is that?
It sounds like a monster.
I see the people at the Emergency room, and I want to weep, weep at the sadness of this greed driven, soulless corporate wasteland, where the notion of cheap preventative care is nearly impossible as the insurance companies funnel as much as their tentacles can grasp, sucking the life blood out of generations of Americans until they lay down in their graves. Imagine how many lives could have been saved if we did not have this greed driven health rationing racket? I see sick people and feel pity, they see sick people and think the sick should just help themselves, and they get angry and jealous, and feel hate. They worship a god of Greed, a god without mercy, a god of vengeance. They abhor empathy. They are no longer a people of reason.
And this I reject. I reject the notion that the height of humanity is greed. I reject the notion that we should not HELP the sick, the old, the young and the poor. I reject the worldview that wealth is a kind of virtue. I reject the foolishness that poverty should carry with it shame. I would no more consider it shameful to be robbed. And we have been robbed. Robbed of the right to health care, robbed of the right to earn a decent living, robbed of right after right, until now we are fighting for the right to be allowed to vote.
There can be no justice without mercy. Justice without mercy is always Draconian. Justice can not exist where mercy is not allowed, and in this we see the root of the great injustices of our time, and they are all bound in greed, in cruelty, in hatred and anger, in lies, in prejudices, and all with one true motive, a greed to keep the powerful in safety while committing their injustices. When the injustices become Too Big To Fail, that is when it is ripe for overthrowing.
And that is why the worshipers of the Altar of Greed, the faithful among the cruel, that is why they are so afraid, that is why they lash out in violence and anger at the changing world, because the world is moving away from their authoritarian views, the world is tired of the greed and injustice, the cruelty and the prejudice, and as time passes it will continue to be a war between the gods of mercy and of vengeance. Those who hate a world unlike themselves, the most rigid of the true believers no longer feel sure of the ground they walk on, they see their scams falling apart and the people they wished to fool are not falling for it. The wounded animal cornered is the most dangerous.
And thus the worshipers of greed and vengeance, driven by rage, will get louder as they get smaller, they will cling to power, they will not relent. But in the last few days I have learned something of great importance, a simple truth easy to forget, and that is that the people who reject cruelty, the people of mercy, the people who see the wisdom in the idea that we are all truly equal and only through acts of mercy do we gain any right to mercy for ourselves, well, there are many more of these kinds of people than you think, so many more than you realize, though they do not stand before you they are with you in spirit, and it is these people, these people who are not loud in their mercy, these people who are just like you in that they have a heart, and want to see the sick healed and the hungry fed, the children taught and our parents retire, it is these people who have the power, and that is why the cruel are so afraid.
But to those who, like myself, feel sometimes overwhelmed, unable to fight back any longer against the onslaught of hatred, and cruelty, and greed, for those who feel they can no longer go on, I say to you, there are literally millions of people just like you, people who know that we are all on this boat together, that we need each other, and by helping you they might just be helping themselves. To you who is lost, as I am, I can only offer this, that though the way be dark and unsure, there is light out there, somewhere, if only you can just carry on a bit farther everyday, we will all get there together though we make our ways alone. It is the greedy who want that light only for themselves. I wish to share mine with the world.
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Peace and love to one and all, and thank you to everyone who showed a kindness that is powerful and real.
You can follow me on Twitter @JesseLaGreca