No St. Cenk, No Peace
Know St. Cenk, Know Peace
It does appear that not so Young Turk, Cenk Uygur has the same complaints as Simple Sarah when discussing the lamestream media. He is determined about not taking his not getting a permanent MSNBC spot lightly. He is making the rounds to crow about how his criticism of President Obama was the reason for not getting to be a television star. It's okay Cenk, Huffington Post still loves you and Beck came out in support of you. You and Simple Sarah play the victim card in very similar ways. Oh, did I offend his followers by that last statement? I only did so because I wish for his success. Does one dare criticize one of the progressive movement's chosen people? Even when he acts like a pimpled-faced sophomore that got turned down by the cheer queen for a date to the Homecoming Dance? I imagine so, for it is taking on a treasured taboo. But what the hell, let's go have some fun. Not like I haven't been called everything on the Internets before this day.
Cenk Uygur after being released from MSNBC's six o'clock hour is acting like that funny, entertaining, Uncle Ed we all have a version of who got totally smashed at your sister’s wedding. He was dancing, lost his balance and took a header knocking down three tablets, sending dishes of half-finished baron of beef plates cascading to the floor, spilling red wine on the bridesmaids' expensive dresses and twisting innocent grandma’s new purple walker to the point that the wheels wouldn’t turn. When the crowd protested and hooted at him, he responded with : “I was pushed, goddammit!”
Jesus Cristo, Cenk, pull your sorry- not so young turk- ass together man! So what if MSNBC didn’t have the brains to recognize your superior intellect, your intoxicating passion, your astute and exceptional political strategy, your puppy-like cuteness and your Alex Trebek-like knowledge of… well... apparently everything. Dummies they are and were. But your public pouting is getting a little close to resembling Simple Sarah and that is not proper for a not so Young Turk. What’s next? Statements like: ” I can see my own reflection from my house.”? Grab a towel and head to the beach. We will all try to stumble around until you feel well enough to guide us again.
Okay, we get it. You are the guardian of the secretive, hallowed progressive Bible with insight and awareness that us regular dolts cannot or will not see. Your nightly videos have the consistent theme of explicating to us chowder-heads how much President Obama sucks and you will count the ways for us. We need the truth and you have it.
“Speaking the Truth in times of universal deceit is a revolutionary act,” said George Orwell. We should all thank St. Uygur for his phantasmagorical insights that we of average minds cannot comprehend.
“You need me on that wall, you want me on that wall!” You, Cenk, are the progressive prophet and your believers are many. Take some time off and finish your book:
“Whining Your Way to an Impressive Principled Loss.” (forward by Ralph Nader). We simpletons will carry on for a while, in fact, I took on a St. Cenk non-believer just today. I am hesitant to repeat his blasphemy but I know Cenk can handle the truth.
This modern progressive pharisee said that perhaps someone from MSNBC wondered about the anti-Obama thirty-second advertisement that ran on the Young Turks for several days last week that looked like it had been produced and directed by a senile John Birch member. I nearly slapped him for even voicing such a thought! Others say Cenk may be more interested in getting hits to his website so he can sell advertising than he is in progressive objectives. Outrageous, I know. The non-believers can be quite harsh. But we worshipers have looked into Cenk's eyes and seen his soul. We saw purity.
Other heroes were not understood either, dear Cenk. Robin had a few years in Gotham when his faith in Batman was in question. The bearded, wise, perceptive Mr. Natural was often scorned and his messages ignored except by the Grateful Dead. Hell, some even had the audacity to challenge legendary spiritual author Carlos Castaneda's words and hidden communications in his Don Juan series, even daring to question their profoundness.
Even in the story of Hero, the princess, we experience tragedy. She was loved by Leander, a youth who lived at Abydos, a town on the Asian side of the channel. They could not marry because Hero was bound by a vow of chastity, and so every night Leander swam from Asia to Europe, guided by a lamp in Hero's tower. One stormy night a high wind extinguished the beacon, and Leander was drowned. His body was washed ashore beneath Hero's tower; in her grief, she threw herself into the sea.
Please, oh, please, Cenk do not consider such an act yourself. Where would the progressive movement go without your extraordinary knowledge and sagacious guidance?
Cenk's just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh, lord don't let him be misunderstood.”
We would have to settle for just the amazing progress progressives have made since Robert Kennedy's murder. Look at our litany of success.
Running progressive candidate Eugene McCarthy first against LBJ and then later howling betrayal when Robert Kennedy, a more establishment candidate, entered the race. We vowed revenge against Kennedy and all that Ripple of Hope nonsense. This cleansing of the party was helpful and the election of Richard Nixon was a necessary evil. We liberals would get him in the next election.
In 1972, we liberals got our way and nominated George McGovern. We only came up 503 electoral votes and 18 million popular votes from a solid victory. But we kept our principles, after all, what is winning without principles?
In 1976, we liberals helped elect Washington outsider Jimmy Carter and when he proved he was not worthy of our liberal support encouraged Edward Kennedy to primary his sorry ass. When that didn't work because of the stupidity of the American Democrat voters, then we urged one of our heroes to run as an Independent. John B. Anderson, taught ol' traitor Jimmy a thing or two about our power when he siphoned off nearly six million votes from Carter leading to victory for Ronald Reagan and giving the Republicans control of the Senate for the first time in 28 years. This was somewhat unfortunate but was needed and would show the American people how unworthy Republican control would be. Surely, it would become obvious.
Reagan lucked out in the 1984 election winning 49 states and George H. Bush followed with eking out a 325 electoral vote victory. But we weren't discouraged. We figured we had been doing things somewhat ineffectively, so we changed our name. We ditched the bad label-with its negative connotation- of Liberal and became Progressives. It sounded so much more, well progressive.
Some cynics falsely report that Bill Clinton only won in 1992 because of Perot being in the race but we know better. Bill wasn't as progressive as we would have liked but with our guidance, he strolled us across the bridge of the 21st century. Then after Clinton's success, we nominated Al Gore even though Bill Bradley would have been much better. Many believed that Gore and George W. Bush were no different. They both were puppets of their corporate masters so nearly three million (2.74%) of us true progressives made a bold statement. We voted for a real progressive, Ralph Nader. It was our first noble step to changing the political system and the world. The lies that these principled Nader voters cost Gore three or four key states is not even worth discussing. It is never wrong to vote for one's principles.
Gore would have been no better anyway. Then we elected one of our own, progressive Barack Obama. Forget all the blue state-red state crap. He didn't mean all that, really. He was a progressive because we said so. Checkmate! He has been nothing but a disappointment, this progressive who never said he was just a progressive, to progressives and a turncoat to our causes. It takes a brave man to point this out to us, and Cenk Uygur is that man. He shrugs off any criticism of challenging President Obama daily on his Young Turks show by explaining to us that he only does so because he likes and cares about the President and wants him to make the right moves to win. St. Cenk is always teaching us - I wish you dumb motherfuckers would listen- that Obama is currently making all the wrong moves. One of my simple friends asked me the most ridiculous questions. I repeat it all to show how much work we have left in bringing Cenk's light to a dark world.
Dumb Motherfucker: “I don't understand the criticism of President Obama over the latest Debt Ceiling discussions. He hasn't done anything yet, has he? He is only talking and perhaps negotiating at this point to get the best deal.”
It's okay, Cenk, I'll straightened out this dumb motherfucker by answering.
Me, Enlightened St. Cenk Disciple:: “What you don't understand is that some minds in this world are clearly superior to other minds. President Obama is no match for the intellect of Cenk. Cenk feels things before they happen. It is part of his genius. He can see problems before they actually become problems. Obama is making a mistake by not following his kind advice, to the letter. He foolishly thinks talking to Republicans has some benefit. Cenk knows better. He is a man of action, a man of intrigue. He is the most interesting man in the world.
Dumb MF: I like President Obama. He seems like a reasonable, rational, intelligent guy. How does one feel things before they happen?
Me: “ All the things that dumb motherfuckers like you list about Obama's accomplishments are simply crumbs that the ignorant are satisfied with getting. Cenk has special powers. He can sense things before they happen. In fact, if he senses it, then it is like it already happened.
Dumb MF: If you call me a dumb motherfucker again, I'll knock you into next week, you cum stain. He saved my business, made it so my sons could go to school, gave a great consoling speech after the Arizona woman was nearly killed, got Osama, made mental health parity a reality, passed new laws that make my handicapped brother's life easier, passed a Healthcare Bill, and saved the auto industry. You call these all crumbs? Perhaps, you're the dumb motherfucker. And sensing things before they happen as if by sensing them it has already happened? What is that bullshit? You mean if I sense I may have sex with my hot new neighbor then it means it is like I already did? Sounds like some religious bullshit to me. You talk like you worship this dipshit.
Me: Watch the name calling. You could be civil, you know. Who cares about any of those supposed "accomplishments" you listed. So what? Did you see how he stalled the DADT stuff? And I hate religion so don't lay that on me. Cenk is a special leader and I always have faith in our progressive leaders.
Dumb MF: He's the left's version of Glenn Beck without a blackboard or Palin with man tits. He wants President Obama to lose in 2012 to make a point, it seems. You have faith? Do you drink his blood and eat of his flesh too? Have you even given a thought to the possibility that MSNBC thought he was just a blowhard?
Me: Cenk has released videos where he suggested that he was left out of stardom because MSNBC knew he wouldn't play ball and tone it down. He made this statement about Al Sharpton being given his gig which reads in part:
”So the guy who was criticizing the president is out, even though he had really good ratings, and the guy who has decided not to criticize the president about anything is in. That’s interesting.”
He tells the truth about your failed President and gets kicked off the air. I'll ignore the other insults.
Dumb MF: Did you hear what he's been saying? You just quoted from that egomaniac? He basically says that Rachel Maddow, Ed, Lawrence and Matthews are all on the air because they toe the corporate line and don't criticize President Obama. What an ego! He is the only real trooper to progressive causes on that network? And you believe him?
Me: Look it is simple. Obama listens to Cenk who is the major leader of progressive causes or we will work against him to teach him a lesson. There is always 2016 or 2020. Our progressive principles will not be ignored!
Dumb MF: You are one insane asswipe. You are going to give the Republicans the White House in 2012 to go along with the majority of governors, 10 of 13 Republican Federal Judges, allow a Republican to name the next two or three Supreme Court Justices along with control of the House and possibly the Senate just so you can make a fucking point? Besides, most people watch Young Turks to look at that attractive woman, who is actually a very good reporter. A lot better than your benevolent Jim Jones. Never talk to me again.
Me: Fine. You never could have a decent discussion anyway.
See, Cenk. I straightened out that dumb motherfucker.
In conclusion, Cenk Uygur's mother had many legitimate reasons for abandoning him. Sorry, not so Young Turk, but this snark was designed with only kindness because I care about you in about the same way you care about my President. Here's a song for you as a peace offering. Oh, and don't be so gloomy, as I said before, Huffington Post still loves you and Beck made a supportive statement for you yesterday.
Peace to St. Cenk and all his followers. May you feast upon your principles.
Wife: "This is why we can't have nice things."
Me: "Oh, honey, it will be okay. Did you notice I finally found a place to use phantasmagorical? Watch the video. It will make you feel better."