Oooh, things are about to get interesting. Stephen Colbert is set to air his first Colbert Super PAC ad in Iowa this Wednesday in the lead-up to the Ames straw poll this Saturday!
And there's a good reason to want to be Perry's main Super PAC, because Perry already has a huge network of mega-donors. And their mega-money will go into the coffers of whatever Super PAC comes out on top.
So I would just like to say, back off bitches, I saw him first! OK? I endorsed Perry weeks ago! I already called shotgun. Although he may not have heard, since people in Texas are always yelling "shotgun".
So hands off my Rick! He is the last doughnut on the office break room snack tray, and I licked him. Which is why tonight, I am proud to announce that Colbert Super PAC is releasing our first TV ad this Wednesday night, in Des Moines, Iowa, during all the local news broadcasts. Check your local listings of commercials.
They have those, right? They should. Brace yourselves, folks. Here's a quick taste.
VOICEOVER: A storm is gathering over Iowa. (clap of thunder)
If you want to see the rest.... Intrigued? Intrigued? If you want to see the rest, just go online, find a moving company, and relocate to Iowa.
Or become a member of Colbert Super PAC, because when the ad premieres, we will send each and every member a link to the full ad, and as a bonus, a forward from my Aunt Sarah with 50 reasons why cats are better than men.
Video and transcript below the fold.
And who, who are the S&P to downgrade us? These are the same geniuses who overestimated our deficit by $2 trillion dollars. Plus, they didn't even list America's most valuable asset, Jesus. It says right on our money, "In God We Trust"! If the Lord can turn water into wine, surely he can turn our debt into wine, which is good because we're going to need a drink.
But when Standard & Poor's did the math, they forgot to carry the Christ. That's why personally, folks, I loved the Response, Texas Governor Rick Perry's completely not-political prayer event held on Saturday in Houston's Reliant Stadium to ask God to fix America.
RICK PERRY (8/6/2011): We see discord at home. We see fear in the marketplace. And for that, we cry out for your forgiveness.
Yes, we need God's forgiveness. Or at least China's. And it was a huge success. 30,000 Christians showed up, instantly making Perry, a potential Republican candidate, a national figure in evangelical politics.
And it comes just one week before the Republican straw poll in Ames, Iowa. Now the straw poll is a 6-hour festival of food, beer, and non-binding pre-electoral process that has no connection to the Iowa Caucus. Whoever wins the straw poll will have a massive symbolic victory that will propel them to the White House. Just ask past winners, President Pat Robertson, President Bob Dole, and President Phil Gramm.
Now, Rick Perry is not officially listed on the straw poll because he has not declared his candidacy yet. But for the first time in its history, the Ames poll is allowing write-ins. This is great news for Perry, folks. And great news for his write-in opponents, Sarah Palin, Buddy Roemer, and longshot female Arab candidate, Munchma Quchi.
Now, if Perry really wants to be a player, he needs a Super PAC behind him. As the Politico's tenacious Ken Vogel tweeted,
Don't be surprised if all major presidential candidates get a big donor-backed super PAC behind them
And Kenny's right. For Ron Paul, there's Revolution PAC. For Mitt Romney, there's Restore Our Future PAC, and Tim Pawlenty just received a Value-Pak. Though I'm not sure 10% off dry-cleaning is enough to secure the nomination.
And Perry already has 7 groups competing to be the Rick Perry Super PAC, including Americans for Rick Perry Super PAC, GrowPAC Super PAC, and Jobs for Iowa Super PAC, which recently ran this ad.
VOICEOVER: What if we had a candidate for President with a real record of creating jobs? ... The leader of a state that created more jobs in the past two years than the other 49 states combined. ... What if we had a better option for President? We do. Rick Perry. Jobs for Iowa is responsible for the content of this advertising.
Wow. Rick Perry clearly has everything it takes to be President, including at least half a face. And there's a good reason to want to be Perry's main Super PAC, because Perry already has a huge network of mega-donors. And their mega-money will go into the coffers of whatever Super PAC comes out on top.
So I would just like to say, back off bitches, I saw him first! OK? I endorsed Perry weeks ago! I already called shotgun. Although he may not have heard, since people in Texas are always yelling "shotgun".
So hands off my Rick! He is the last doughnut on the office break room snack tray, and I licked him. Which is why tonight, I am proud to announce that Colbert Super PAC is releasing our first TV ad this Wednesday night, in Des Moines, Iowa, during all the local news broadcasts. Check your local listings of commercials.
They have those, right? They should. Brace yourselves, folks. Here's a quick taste.
VOICEOVER: A storm is gathering over Iowa. (clap of thunder)
If you want to see the rest.... Intrigued? Intrigued? If you want to see the rest, just go online, find a moving company, and relocate to Iowa.
Or become a member of Colbert Super PAC, because when the ad premieres, we will send each and every member a link to the full ad, and as a bonus, a forward from my Aunt Sarah with 50 reasons why cats are better than men. It's funny, it's funny.
And Iowa Nation, why not head out to the Ames straw poll this Saturday, and vote? Our democracy is in your hands. Although from what I've heard, ribs will also be in your hands, so try not to get any barbecue sauce on our democracy. We'll be right back.
Stephen earlier looked at the market reaction to America's credit downgrade from Standard & Poor's by stockpiling his gold bricks. He then took another look at those doomsday bunkers for people on a budget.
Jon also looked at our credit downgrade, and then John Oliver had a sweet piece about a Florida family that foreclosed on Bank of America. No, this is NOT the vampire Stephen talked to last week.