I made it. Cut down to this level of opiates and I felt almost normal. Four days. That is how long it took when I cut the medications in half. I suffered the want of those drugs for ninty-six hours until my body finally accepted the fact it was not going to get more than that amount. I hated every minute of it. The only way to describe it is being like a ball of jello falling from a great height. Luckily my wife and I were able to spend two of those days up in the North Carolina mountains. That was nice. Just being alone with her made me feel better.
I took four more days using the same amount I had cut down to preparing myself mentally for the next step down. Yesterday morning at 8:00AM I took that next step. Oh my! I made the eight hours goal I had set before I could take the next dose. But it was terrible. Like taking an aspirin for a hangover. Sure it helps a little but overall you feel pretty bad. I did not think I was going to make it to the next dose. Three hours of slight relief then four hours of being uncomfortable. The last hour was indescribable. Some of the worst withdrawal I have ever experienced.
I pretty much stayed in the bathroom close to the john in the last hour. Was so sick and my body was craving, no, demanding I go to the safe, take several pills out and take a handful just to feel better. But I made it only to go through the same thing the next eight hours. And the next and next again. Sleep? None in two days other than 15 minutes here 20 there. No REM sleep at all. Do not expect any tonite other. I am half way to the next time I can take a pill and already the withdrawal has started. Have walked until my hip is sore, and have tried yoga, meditation and just sitting out in my spot in the yard alone. Nothing helps.
I may have to seek professional help if by tomorrow my body has not at least partially adjusted to this new amount. That is a hard thing for me to do. Ask for help with problems of my own making. But at this point in the space/time continum I do not think I can do this by myself. I can actually hear the pills calling out from behind the locked door of the safe. I want to feel better right now. And it would be so easy to pop open a bottle, take two or three pills and on an empty stomach, thirty minutes later I would feel like I won the lottery. That scares me and I am not one that gets spooked easily.
I am fighting it though. In my mind I know that I am winning but my body feels like I already lost.