This is my first diary!! I have lurked and commented for many years now. Was mainlining this site ever since the primaries, volunteered with fellow kossaks to elect Obama, cried tears of joy with the rest when Obama became president, felt the same frustrations when goals I have always held inviolate where sidetracked with the same petty politics (rather, new rabid politics of the rethugs) while the Democratic party/Presidency made bipartisan legislation the new goal instead of progressive legislation.
I came close to penning my first diary many many times. Things I care about deeply would happen around me and I would always begin the diary and then stop as I would feel inadequate as compared to some of the amazing writers on this site. So it is breaking my heart that this is the unfortunate topic for my first diary. But this time I cannot/will not stay silent. Some more thoughts below the squiggle. Or you can stop reading now, for you have got the jist of what I have to say.
Like I said, I came close to penning my first diary many many times, but held back because I felt others can do it better than me. All my life I have been impulsive, hyper aggressive and extremely sharp tongued. Then I had a major accident, a head injury that knocked me into a coma for a week. As I came out that and was recuperating, I got hit with jaundice. So during this time for reasons unknown I turned towards philosophy and spirituality, started reading up a lot on life and its meaning or lack thereof (well reading in between the blinding headaches).
I am not sure if I learnt anything from it, but one lesson I read stood out,
"I promised my father on his deathbed that I would take 24 hours to reflect before I said any word of praise or criticism. Oftentimes my opinion changed after I had a chance to reflect upon it"
Just to be clear my father is very much alive and kicking. This was something I read and it changed my life. When earlier I would lash out at anybody who said/did anything I disagreed with, now I would try and reflect upon it before I responded. That's the key. I started to respond rather than react. I ended up liking myself much more as a result, which translated to a much more pleasant life experience.
I think if we all can do the same then this world/site would be a better place. In the meantime as a brownie immigrant (from India) I would be seriously untrue to myself if I don't speak up and support the boycott. From tonight I will be gone for a week. I really don't expect anyone would notice or care about this. As I said, I feel terrible that this is the topic for my first diary. But at least it's an affirmation of who I am and what I stand for. Maybe now that I have broken the "first diary pressure" of self expectations I will start writing more often. In the meantime adios amigos.