Yeah, it's my jurisdiction because it's falling through the sky. Deal with it, homefries. :)
As of 914PM Pacific Time, the UARS satellite was located just off the Pacific Northwest near Washington State. It's expected to cross Washington State and end up in Canada somewhere over the next few minutes.
Here's a live UStream video of the NASA tracking map for the UARS satellite.
They think the satellite crashed somewhere between the middle of Canada and the northern Atlantic Ocean. No confirmation yet. The UStream video I had linked is now off air, so I've removed it.
Here is a slightly relevant song I found for your entertainment whilst Seattle and a couple Canadians wait to get clocked upside the head by aliens.
I'll post updates below the squiggle as needed. Shouldn't be too long now. Arm your tin foil helmets and prepare for impact.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:22 PM PT: UARS satellite now over Alberta. Arriving at Gate 5. No, Gate 6. Gate 11. Gate 21. Gate 35.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:25 PM PT: Provided it's still intact, it's over the Manitoba/Ontario border now. This sucker's hauling ass.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:26 PM PT: Now it's over the middle of Hudson Bay, moving towards Quebec. Folks in eastern Canuckistan need to look north in a minute or two.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:29 PM PT: Over northern Quebec right now, should pass north of New Brunswick and Labrador in a few minutes. After that, it'll be over open ocean as it approaches the Canary Islands and mainland Africa.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:32 PM PT: UARS is now over the open Atlantic, provided it's still up there. Man, any fish tripped out on acid are in for one hell of a night.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:35 PM PT: ETA to Canary Islands is another minute or two. This thing is moving faster than me after eating Mexican food while being chased by angry bees.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:37 PM PT: Scrub that, Houston. NASA reports that it's probably down by now. More than likely it took out a newly renovated house or two. Teach you right for keeping up with the Joneses.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:42 PM PT: Unconfirmed reports that Rick Perry's hair caught the UARS like a fishing net. Search teams are combing through as we speak.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:44 PM PT: BREAKING: Lady Gaga has found the debris and made a new dress out of them. NASA is working to confirm.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 9:55 PM PT: Not to be outdone, the KanyeWest VI has nudged itself from orbit and will make an even bigger fireball in the near future.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 10:00 PM PT: One of my Tweets just went viral. Hooray mild notoriety!
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 10:09 PM PT: Numerous conflicting reports that the UARS has landed in Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick, the open Atlantic, or in northwestern Africa. In related news, the GOP primary is still a flaming ball of fail hurdling towards the Earth.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 10:23 PM PT: NASA Administrator Charlie Bolden left his umbrella in the satellite this morning, and he is royally pissed. Stay out of his way in the halls if you see him.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 10:26 PM PT: That Lady Gaga Tweet got well over 100 retweets. Good lord, people. At least I know 100+ other people have no lives and they're retweeting bad Lady Gaga/satellite jokes.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 10:30 PM PT: NORAD reports that the satellite probably landed in Canuckistan. Hope the kids are asleep so Satellite Claus doesn't give them coal.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 10:54 PM PT: So to recap...we don't know what the hell happened. NASA went out for a smoke break. This is reassuring for when the comet hits.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 11:01 PM PT: NASA finished their ganja and they're back on the Twitters. So far they still don't know if UARS hit land or sea, and if you find any satellite debris you have to give it back to the country that own(ed) the satellite.
Fri Sep 23, 2011 at 11:37 PM PT: I'm off to bed. Don't crash any space stuff while I'm out.