Been thinking about Herman Cain's clever little 9-9-9 plan, which is so clearly as high on marketing value as it is low on "Shit, I di'n't actually think this fucker through!"
I mean... really... was 9% the EXACT, PERFECT tax level for income, sales and business taxes or was the number chosen for it's all-the-same-itude?
Do you think if his fry cooks-- er advisors-- had come to him and said...
"Y'know Herm, the best numbers are 9.2, 11 and a sliding scale from 12 to 15."
...he would've gone with THAT?
No, logic and workability will always lose to, "This is how I sold The Chicken Wings!"
This is the birth of Conservative Marketics, where an idea's sole value is how well it might go with a jingle, a corporate mascot and either a side of fries or the new McFrozey.
It's policies as slogans.
It's government as window display signs.
As in...
"Going out of business. All tax brackets reduced to 9%!"
But since the Republicans seem so enamored by random numbers chosen to look good on some sort of Happy Meal, let me pitch you...
The 6-6-6 Tax Plan:
6% Income Tax, 6% Sales Tax, 6 new families put on food stamps each day based on new services cut!
To sell this plan, I'd use a photo of the devil, wearing an Uncle Sam costume, and the caption, "Quit crying, it's your own fucking fault!"
Also... kids would get a toy... like one of those old-style pickle barrels with the suspender straps so you can wear it like clothes.
And, you get a free salad spinner.
Then there's my 3-6-9 Plan:
That's 3% Income Tax, 6 Percent Business Tax, 9 homeless people living on your front lawn.
And by YOUR, I mean those of you who HAVE a lawn.
For the rest, please find 8 friends and pick a piece of grass (in a blue state).
The 2-4-6-8 Plan:
Which is less a plan then replacement for the Pledge of Allegiance, as in...
"2-4-6-8 who do we appreciate? Reagan! Reagan! Ronald Reagan!"
Also, this plan would step-down the EPA (lack of funding, of course) changing it from a regulatory body to a glossy three-fold pamphlet, with helpful pointers like...
"Air you can see, just means we've flavored it for you!"
And then of course there's the...
The 4-12-40 Plan:
4 years of Mitt/Cain (because I GUARANTEE they aren't putting the Black Guy First)... 12 years to undo the damage done... 40 years to replace Spongebob Squarepants, the next appointee to the supreme court!