Extrapolating from available census numbers, approximately 15% of Americans are under the age of 14. These leeches suck up all the benefits of America without paying one thin dime in taxes. (Oh, sure. They may pay sales tax on candy and movie tickets, but they're doing it with somebody else's money.)
Tea baggers are outraged at this affront to their sensibilities. Herman Cain's economists, um, I mean bank account executives, are tweaking his 9-9-9 plan to make sure 9-year-olds and their fellow travelers pay into the system, just like all, I mean most, make that many, okay some major banking corporations do.
The 53 percenters have changed their name and now claim they are the 85 percent. They figure it makes them sound tougher.
Until their campaign teams decide on a program to make these freeloaders help pay their fair share, the Republican presidential candidates, I mean circus clowns, have announced what needs to be done with these members of the human detritus:
Herman Cain wants to build an electric fence guarded by a moat filled with alligators to keep these leeches away from the benefits of American citizenship. He just cannot figure out how to keep the alligators from getting electrocuted.
Mitt Romney wants to require that if they are transported via public roads, they must be kept in a cage on top of the car.
Mitt Romney wants to make sure everyone knows he is compassionate and caring, and that he thinks the kids should all have health insurance.
Rick Perry thinks (whoa! that's an oxymoron! we better go with) Rick Perry wants these freeloaders to be put to work immediately at McDonald's and other low-paying jobs so he can get credit for putting more Texans to work.
Rick Santorum wants to be absolutely sure that none of these freeloaders are gay. (And none have access to Google.)
Michele Bachmann and Newt Gingrich will come up with a plan if enough people donate to their campaign website, I mean slush fund. Though she's not running, Sarah Palin wants some of that action, too.
Some other guys had some other ideas, but nobody cared what they were.