Skip to main content

Please... I am trapped... desperate... in great fear for my life.

See, this morning, I went to my son's first-grade class for a read-a-thon and the teacher chose to put all of the children in a CIRCLE.

Well, when the reading started, I accidentally dropped my phone, which fell forward. I inched into the middle, grabbed my cellular device, but by the time I turned to try and get out... well the circle had closed... and now (as I live-blog the event) I find myself, hopelessly and utterly and endlessly TRAPPED!

Look, these 7 year-olds are ruthless, and VERY WELL TRAINED, having learned their encircling techniques from the terrorist students at UC Davis.

Just like the Davis Mustangs before them, all of my captors are on the ground, silent, their legs placed in the pre-violence state known to the 99%ers as "criss-cross-applesauce*."

(*This position can also be called "crossies" or "legs-crossed" or "tailor fashion" or, in Latin, "I could rip your fucking head off in an instant if I wanted to!!!")  

Also, like the college students at Davis, my tormentors are close together... some of them even holding hands... which of course makes it impossible for me to step over them or step around them and escape.

Before now I NEVER knew it was so easy to SURROUND. I mean... had we known this in the 30's and 40's... we could've trapped HITLER with a simple game of duck, duck, goose!

I have considered trying to JUMP OVER one of their heads, but the riot gear I'm wearing is too heavy for me to get my ass off the ground.

I fear I will starve here.

Or possibly miss my pedicure.

And the hand-sanitizer dispenser... is... so... far... away.

Oh, for a dozen Happy Meals and a Pez dispenser.

(riot flap goes down!)

Now, I have called the "campus police," which in this case is a "feelings teacher" named "Chris" who has suggested that I may be a tad "paranoid" and that I might want to "trust" these "young kids" who are just trying to learn how to read, but after 9-11 I must "be vigilant" and I'm terrified that somewhere between "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and "The Monster At The End of This Book" they will decide to take a plastic spork to my jugular vein.

OH-- OH GOD-- THEY'RE STARTING TO STAND! AND THEY'RE MOVING TOWARD ME! WAVING THEIR ARMS!  THEIR LEGS!  THIS IS IT!  DEAR LORD THEIR CHANTING... ABOUT PUTTING "THEIR LEFT FOOT IN" and "THEIR LEFT FOOT OUT."

I MUST NOT HESITATE ANY LONGER OR ALL WILL BE LOST FOREVER!

THANK GOODNESS I BROUGHT MY PEPPER SPRAY AND A HAND GRENADE.

IF YOU NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN, PLEASE KNOW... WHAT I DID, I DID IN THE NAME OF SAFETY... AND IN THE NAME OF BEING THE "ADULT" IN THE ROOM!

Originally posted to SYFPH on Mon Nov 21, 2011 at 09:20 AM PST.

Also republished by J Town, DKOMA, Protest Music, and Pink Clubhouse.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Sharoney, sdf, Bob Johnson, Pat K California, JekyllnHyde, Ed in Montana, Angie in WA State, Mimikatz, Sylv, vicki, Terri, JR, sarahinwi, Bill in Portland Maine, jotter, yellowdog, ogre, glitterscale, SaveDemocracy, badger, BigOkie, PeterHug, Emerson, alicia, TheGreatLeapForward, byteb, Heather in SFBay, donna in evanston, ETinKC, hyperstation, Free Radical, dsb, frsbdg, xynz, StevenJoseph, x, frisco, SallyCat, Matilda, grover, JLFinch, housesella, opinionated, Silverleaf, mmacdDE, djMikulec, evilrick, highacidity, Pithy Cherub, Bionic, mkfarkus, smokem2271, ivote2004, greenomanic, Fe, jjhalpin, SuperiorPokercom, lulusbackintown, Lilyvt, NMRed, SneakySnu, dejavu, Getreal1246, Moody Loner, emmasnacker, TexDem, Tracker, MA Liberal, gmb, crankypatriot, NYFM, joliberal, liberte, Frankenoid, samoashark, riverlover, frostieb, DMiller, outragedinSF, nswalls, zerelda, side pocket, mungley, kfred, Man Eegee, NapaJulie, JayDean, jhawklefty, Limelite, J Orygun, oortdust, ebbinflo, Julie Gulden, averageyoungman, maybeeso in michigan, historys mysteries, Simian, Tinfoil Hat, Ckntfld, Unit Zero, UncleCharlie, blueyedace2, JanetT in MD, Chinton, Jersey Girl, kamarvt, ZappoDave, citizenx, dewtx, Brooke In Seattle, farmerchuck, dansk47, SaraBeth, Sun Tzu, where4art, LABobsterofAnaheim, most peculiar mama, RichterScale, Yamara, kaliope, Tool, brentut5, HiBob, Shotput8, CWalter, FindingMyVoice, Lisa Lockwood, hairylarry, Ekaterin, Arsenic, JanF, noladq, xanthippe2, Snud, Land of Enchantment, webranding, schoolpsyc, begone, Philpm, Doug Goodenough, Knucklehead, Nance, emperor nobody, irishwitch, detroitmechworks, Debbie in ME, Kingsmeg, sherlyle, Mr Bojangles, Clytemnestra, edwardssl, tonyahky, Yellow Canary, seefleur, kestrel9000, ruleoflaw, sleipner, luckydog, oldmanriver, Ashaman, The Hindsight Times, Native Light, real world chick, plf515, bleeding heart, Preston S, Zwoof, middleagedhousewife, Cato come back, thenekkidtruth, DemocraticLuntz, CA Nana, commonsenseseeker, doingbusinessas, Clive all hat no horse Rodeo, frankzappatista, kurt, MadMs, shaharazade, kurious, Bernie68, Friend of the court, Hedwig, SeekCa, Temmoku, ipsos, ms badger, kml, sea note, Little, BeerNotWar, BentLiberal, Thinking Fella, One Pissed Off Liberal, Sapere aude, pgm 01, c0wfunk, anotherdemocrat, Cat Whisperer, Loudoun County Dem, oklacoma dem, possum, devis1, Dartagnan, ColoTim, crankyinNYC, Positronicus, epc3, edsbrooklyn, FishOutofWater, Sydserious, la urracca, Matt Z, gustynpip, DWG, malharden, NoMoJoe, puzzled, Seneca Doane, GMFORD, millwood, OIL GUY, Chico David RN, GeorgeXVIII, TexasTwister, eyesoars, Azubia, the1sage, gizmo59, rmonroe, VA Breeze, jwinIL14, MKinTN, MT Clarity, alkalinesky, rogerdaddy, scooter in brooklyn, ScottyUrb, poligirl, Youffraita, dadadata, bythesea, ozkid, FG, skohayes, Laughing Vergil, filby, lineatus, Mr Rick, Greasy Grant, Calamity Jean, tofumagoo, Cassandra Waites, left my heart, Jake Williams, bluesheep, envwq, ClapClapSnap, Shaviv, glendaw271, petulans, KrazyKitten, TexanJane, luckylizard, BYw, Nica24, sagansong, WearyIdealist, enufisenuf, GrannyOPhilly, shortgirl, CA coastsider, Leftleaner, legendmn, satanicpanic, maggiejean, Sun dog, prettygirlxoxoxo, Bule Betawi, Mrs M, number nine dream, rudewarrior, Dirtandiron, aufklaerer, greengemini, divineorder, juca, lapidarygal, janmtairy, Tara the Antisocial Social Worker, DefendOurConstitution, followyourbliss, UnaSpenser, elziax, MKSinSA, lurkerX, DreamyAJ, stevenwag, cachola, Little Flower, haremoor, nancat357, mahakali overdrive, Dragon5616, Livvy5, Leftcandid, Former Chicagoan Now Angeleno, catilinus, Larsstephens, Hunter Huxley, Railfan, dtruth, Its the Supreme Court Stupid, parse this, brooklyns finest, jsfox, YellerDog, RhymesWithUrple, p gorden lippy, flitedocnm, gramofsam1, politik, jethrock, kjoftherock, superheed, fidellio, on board 47, ATFILLINOIS, Garfnobl, Eddie L, Arenosa, k8dd8d, gulfgal98, PvtJarHead, Yasuragi, debbieleft, addisnana, Publius2008, Betty Pinson, ericlewis0, kimalanus, science nerd, Hawaiian, soaglow, Its a New Day, not4morewars, Actbriniel, JanG, okliberal, tgrshark13, Scruffy Looking Nerf Herder, Onomastic, Jane Lew, annieli, Mike08, fredlonsdale, kerflooey, Acktiv, Zooey Glass, freesia, xylonjay, m00finsan, Teknocore, Radiogabs, FarWestGirl, asterkitty, itzik shpitzik, beantown mom, kevin k, sallym, deeproots, NormAl1792, KelleyRN2, two moms in Az, boomerchick, marleycat, zukesgirl64, Cinnamon, Muskegon Critic, Claudius Bombarnac, dle2GA, SueM1121, LSmith, worldlotus, rexymeteorite, Keori, n8rboy, sound of progress, poliwrangler, Wood Dragon, Solarian, Vatexia, blue aardvark, RLMiller, leftykook, jham710, DRo, Mentatmark, SouthernLiberalinMD, ChiTownDenny, jobobo, too young to give up, Frank In WA, Rejoinder, left over flower child, YaNevaNo, AnnetteK, livingthedream, brown and blue all over, sprogga, absdoggy, jacey, jeopardydd, weatherdude, MNGrandma, GenXangster, Orman West, Prairie D, Liberal Granny, OldDragon, Whimsical Rapscallion, Heart n Mind, anodnhajo, Catskill Julie, MightyMoe, Williston Barrett, TheLizardKing, Chrislove, Siri, LefseBlue, S F Hippie, barkingcat, AnnieR, Joieau, FloridaSNMOM, Trotskyrepublican, congenitalefty, IProfess, Lorinda Pike, Mark Tietig, mapamp, scarolinamom, carolanne, belinda ridgewood, Arahahex, BusyinCA, MartyM, Murphoney, doroma, qannabbos, notdarkyet, Margd, wxorknot, redstella, PerpetualMind, Glen The Plumber, BreadGod, Villanova Rhodes, databob, ProfessorWho, pandaman, Abelia, Lizabet, natfroiland, Blue Dream, Wes Lee, blueoldlady, Blue Bell Bookworm, JMoore, JFeathersmith, Tom Stokland, Herodotus Prime, GenXBadger, Setsuna Mudo

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site