When I was baptised into the Christian faith, I prayed for one thing:
I hoped I could experience my first full minute of my faith sin-free. (I think I made it!)
My first thoughts were of those who had blessed me and my life leading up to the moment my head went under the water. When I came up out of the water, those people, events and moments were full in my mind. I was very thankful for that, personally.
As this new year of 2012 begins, my thoughts are again of those people, moments and events which blessed my life in 2011. Again, my mind is full of those people and events in my recent life which have brought blessings to this little house situated along the mighty Duck River, just south of Nashville, Tennessee. This day, the first of the new year, is that one moment--again. Some members of this very community are at the top of that list.
Follow me below the doodlesquigglethingey fold, and let me tell you about the blessings of a Tennessee New Year that matters.
I checked my email last evening. I will tell you that I counted more than 250 solicitations for $3 to every known Progressive cause, purpose, grassroots organization and meaningful activity. I had begging letters from President, Vice-President, First Lady, Former Speaker, Former President, former Vice-President...it was a very, very impressive list.
But every one of these missives was requesting something, anything in the way of contributions for the last minute push for 2011. I read every one of them, and sent my best wishes for them. If I had sent $3 to every request over the previous week, I would have donated well over $3,000. Well over 3 times my monthly income. A lot of money for anyone. An impossible amount for me.
I do participate, as I can, with every one of these activities. I sign petitions, agree with causes, work hard to create political alliances, and generally support those causes and activities that I possibly can. That's what I can do. I feel bad that I am "financially embarrassed".
I've had to alter my relationship with my own life of late. Disability does that, illness does that. I'm not one "built" to focus on what I cannot do, or how I cannot participate. It is a daily challenge for me.
Tennessee has been a surprising help to me to deal with these struggles. I can tell you that, for my situation, The Volunteer State has, to date, helped to create a liveable, independent life as the only viable alternative to living in a long-term care facility. I have the tools and help I need to live, not a huge life, but a mostly independent life. These truths are blessings to me, delivered by a system I cannot touch, paid for by citizens I will most likely never meet to personally thank. When this happens to those of us called upon this particular journey, Blessings take on an entirely new and different--and very important reality in our lives.
One truth is that those who are not called to travel this particular journey at this time in their lives have their own Blessings, for which each should be grateful, and radically thankful. But they do not know, and probably do not understand these particular blessings--the blessings of terminal illness, or life-changing disability, or life-altering injury. Learning to deal with things that will never again be, or things that now, and forever must be can be a challenge too huge for some to successfully accomplish.
It takes great personal integrity, and amazing strength of character to live with sometimes intimidating limitations, and live well. Admitting what we cannot do is a large obstacle, which many among my kind never get across, and the lives they could live evaporate into the ethereal world of "what could have been". This is sometimes translated into "They dont want to change their situation, or their condition. They just want to live off the system."
Sick people, for instance, want to be well, they just can't be. Imagine having to accept this as a reality of life. Of course, this is but one of a myriad of possible realities that we belly button kids need to accept. Wealth, health, and happiness are also realities that we sometimes find difficult to deal with, too. (Just so ya know!) These, too are Blessings that some folks just find impossible to accept, appreciate and love. But they ARE Blessings, given not through merit, but by greatest grace from a loving and merciful God.
Many, however, DO accept their particular set of Blessings, and live them out with the true power of Blessings: We are blessed to BE a blessing. The State of Tennessee had no reason to "take me to raise". Other than the fact that I had established residency here, registered to vote here, and got a Driver's License here, that is. I was disabled when I arrived, with the full and certain knowledge that if I could not, somehow, get some rather dramatic and "deep pockets" help, I would not be able to survive here on my own.
At first that was what I was told: that help was NOT available for or to me. I learned later that to be an absolute lie, told me by a State employee who, at near the bottom of the pay grid, was simply ignorant of the very services she was tasked with dispensing. Those of us "in the system" learn this truth very early in the journey. We also learn how to deal with such ignorance. But then, as anyone dealing with this journey will quickly tell you, that is the rule of survival when you are "in the system". I've been around the system for a very long time; it is the basic fundamental focus of a very large portion of my life. But I have only been "in the system" now for a few years. It's been a very strange and difficult perspective to accept.
But because of one single person who had not only the truth, but a genuine desire to help me, who knew the correct way to get me to the help I by the time I got there really desperately needed to live, Tennessee came galloping to my aid. I mean, everything I needed began arriving at my door, largely unannounced, costing me nothing. A guy came and installed grab bars and other necessities that made it possible for me to actually USE my bathroom like other folks do.
A ramp was designed for me to be able to not only leave, but return to my home--whenever I needed or desired to. Small things to some, yet world-changing things for me. That's what I want you to really and completely understand. It is a huge deal. A God-sized Blessing that is so very large, and so very impactful on the receiver, that you suddenly begin to see a future so radically different it scares you spitless.
Home care workers come and help me keep my home sanitary, and even visually appealing. That's huge, when you cannot physically manipulate a vacuum cleaner, or bend over because you stop breathing when you do. Medicines which keep me alive are now availabe, and paid for by the State Medicaid program. I qualify because I make no income, or not a sufficient amount to raise my economic status above the 125% of the official State Poverty Line Guidelines.
No, this has NOT always been the case for all my life. It's new to me. It's scary to me. I don't like it much but it has become an amazing Blessing in my life that I had to come to accept, and mold into the life of possibility which I do now have. And that is the point that I hope everyone reading this will fully appreciate and understand.
Life-changing things are really nifty. They are huge Blessings, if we can but see them fully, and in the accuracy of truth-light. I know that creating such Blessings for others is a real Blessing, too. "We are Blessed to be a Blessing!" It's true.
So, the State of Tennessee--every single tax payer, has been a Blessing to me, and to my now-possible (if differently limited) life. I have been richly blessed. I know what it is. I know what it means. I know how it feels. I know it is real. I know it is life-changing.
I hope that you do, too. I hope this diary might well make you consider your Blessings for this New Year. Seriously. One of my favorite hymns declares that we should "Count our many Blessings. Count them one by one." I do. I hope that you will, too. Today.
There was another email in my inbox yesterday, too.
It was from Kos, telling me that I had been gifted with a Life Subscription to The Daily Kos. A life membership to one of the highest quality, most prestigious writing assemblies in the world today. I am now, officially, a Kossack! :)
If you do not believe, nor understand just what a huge Blessing that is to me, or if you refuse to accept the Blessings which are coming, or will come to you because of this most especial Blessing bestowed upon me, you are most likely dead. Call your MD, or have someone you trust take your blood pressure.
Really.
I did nothing for, or to this community to deserve this Blessing, and that is absolutely true. I have no reason to either defend or deny it. I haven't been here long enough to matter to this community, it's quality, or it's high merit and favor among journalists and journalism in the USA, and the world. I have not earned such a Blessing.
But, I did one thing that sometimes compel Blessings to occur in our lives. If you are feeling a little short on your Blessings, it is something you could do, too. You just never know who's listening. You just never know who is waiting, available, and ready to increase their being blessed by being your Blessing.
I asked.
Hopefully, by now, you know that took a lot of me to do. But I did ask. And, I kept track of my request, keeping it alive in my heart, and in this community. Sara, Omo, Susan, Eric, Marykk and others whom I do know know or cannot name heard my request for this particular Blessing.
They told me that these Blessings do not come because of my merit, or my favor. Kos said that these Blessings come because I AM, here. That's the qualifier; well, that and the fact that I sucked up my vanity and pride and asked.
Yesterday, I received my Blessing. The Blessing came, as is often the case, and seemingly especially the case here in Tennessee where I live, from those I have not met, nor whose lives I have impacted. I am so very thankful. How do you say "Thank You!" for such a blessing, regardless of the Blessing it is?
The Japanese have a saying "To say Thanks is to cheapen the gift."
As, for many if not all the Blessings I have received, even in this new year, by a community of amazing, giving, caring and incredibly talented people with belly buttons, I'll risk it. And, I'm very proud to be able to do so as my first grateful act of this new year, a new year I was never supposed to see.
Thank you. May this be not only my first Blessing of this new year, but one of your first blessings of a new year, too. May you be richly blessed, indeed in each day of this new year.