The Left-Wing Noise Machine Predicts Ragnarok In Tea-Party-Occupied Iowa
The Left-Wing Noise Machine admits it didn’t see Rick Santorum coming (strike that - given Santorum’s pathological homophobia, it might be prescient). We called Santorum (inter alia) too lightweight even for the subliterate tastes of the Tea Party,“a hydrogen atom in a room full of helium,” thinking that Bachmann’s titanium spine (or it is iridium?) gave her the madcap gravitas needed to succeed in the Real Republican Party™
But as Tea-Party-Occupied Iowa will show today, we were wrong. It’s clear that no level of intellectual haplessness can dissuade the Tea Party faithful, so long as the candidate expresses a loving commitment to scapegoating gays, immigrants, and the post-war international communist conspiracy infiltrating the White House.
That said, we still predict Bachmann and her titanium spine will prevail, if only because the combined polling of Santorum and Bachmann will equal or exceed Romney’s. Nate Silver sees Santorum’s heliumlike rise in Iowa (see we were right about the gas) as short-lived, due to various traditional factors involving electability, and that he will fizzle against Romney in the longrun. But the LNM thinks that the rise of Tea Baggery represents a brave new world for pollsters, where normal sampling is defeated by the profound lunacy of the Tea Party voters. Remember this is the group of people who want to induce a macroeconomic financial holocaust in the name of thrift and preventing single mothers from using food stamps to buy Jetskis. They are likely to say anything at any given time to any given pollster. But one thing they apparently will not do is vote for Romney, or any politician who even momentarily deviates into sense, even if his heart isn’t in it, which Romney’s clearly isn’t. And if you don’t think so, we’ll bet you $10,000 we’re right.
And so the LNM predicts: Santorum wins Iowa, or at least comes close, and hooks up with Bachmann (there we go again with the innuendo), for a Santorum-Bachmann ticket which will lead the Tea Party to electoral Ragnarok in November. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.
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