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I shouldn't write this. One, my screen name here is the URL of my business. My name. My business. My phone number and address. What I write here, these things are all easy to connect. Two, well it is kind of personal. I often give out very personal things about myself here, but this ..... well this might be a little more than I should offer up.

But I trust people here. I care about people here. I hope, no I know others here care about me. So I hope this will be the case or the situation where what I write won't come back to haunt me.

I know this is a vague intro, but below the fold I'll explain.

At times here I can seem like a broken record. I say and/or repeat things about myself. I do this to give context to my comments. That my parents are moderate Republicans and we talk politics a lot, well I think that gives context when I talk about Republicans. That I am a military brat, well context when I talk about the military. You get the point.

I often mention I work for myself. Out of my house. That explains to a large extent how I can post here as often as I do. I am not in an office on the clock, so if I get all my client work done at 2 PM I can post here. Freelance work can have a lot of down-time :).

In more than a few late night posts here I have joked that at another time in my life I did more drugs then, well then you might be able to wrap your mind around. I stopped that many years ago.

But, and I could always put away a few adult beverages with the best of them, I found myself starting to drink more and more.

I NEVER, not ONCE used a drug or drank at work. That just wasn't acceptable on so many different levels.

But then I started working out of my house. Long story short I found myself drinking more. A lot more. In the morning. In the afternoon. In the evenings. Well all the time to be honest.

I started to do some stupid stuff. For the first in my life I didn't get my work done in a timely fashion. Didn't pay my bills, even though I had the money. Heck I got a DUI, which for me is something that should have been a red flag on like 100 different levels.

There is no way to say it I got out-of-control. I went on like an 18 month bender. Non-stop. And if you think I am joking, I am not.

Now I am pretty sure nobody knew it. Heck if anybody noticed it, well it might have been here, where at one time I was "nice" Tommy and then later "not so nice" Tommy. That would be a lot of Kettle One in my system.

Well long story short I decided I didn't want/need to drink anymore. That I am a drunk. Maybe I wasn't always one, but I am now. I don't want to be a drunk.

I've not had a drink in 22 days.

In AA meetings and the classes the state is making me take they told me it would be hard. I won't lie and say for a second I have not thought about or wanted a drink, but it hasn't been as bad as I thought. Not even close.

That worries me cause I know how much I drank and, although through most of my life I've gotten by with what I call "sheer will" and the power of "positive mental attitude" I think things will get harder.

I bet many others here might have similar issues and want to talk about them, but not want to post those thoughts on a "public" forum. So my thinking is we set-up an email list where we can talk. A suport group.

Any takers are am I just crazy .............

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