This is probably not the right place to post this. But how does one get out of a controlling relationship once the divorce is final yet there are kids involved? My ex is super manipulative and so are his parents and this silent hidden abuse is harder to escape then the brusies. I struggle with depression and try to hide it for my daughters sake but I just don't know what to do. The stress is causing me physical pain...more below...just need advise from strangers I guess...
My ex and I moved out to Colorado when we were still just dating. It was supposed to be short term, for fun, to get away from where we grew up and try something new. The wedding was planned and called off once before and we thought a new environment might be good for us. So we planned a new wedding and once again I was getting cold feet, then we found out we were pregnant. I grew up without a father and didn't want my child to go through the same thing so I went through with the wedding against my best judgement. Big mistake. He is an only child and his mother can be controlling, to say the least. When they found out we were having a baby they decided they wanted to be closer so they quit their jobs, sold their house and moved to Colorado even thought I asked them not to. I told them we probably wouldn't want to stay out here after the baby came, that we would want to be closer to family. She called me the next day and said too late we are moving.
So Lucy came and she is the absolute light of everyones lives. Such an amazing little girl that I am not surprised the divorce turned into a fight. My ex has a drinking problem and beat me and my brother up one night. My brother moved out here to be closer to Lucy. Sure it was tight in our apartment but it didn't give my ex a right to do what he did, that was the beginning of the end. His parents made excuses for him and even said he was the victim because it was a cramped living space...ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?! I called the police and kicked him out. He promised to make all the right changes but as soon as he moved back in April 24th he started drinking again. I filed for divorce by Memorial Day.
It wasn't an easy transition as it never is. I thought we had an agreement but then he didn't want to pay so much child support so he decided to fight it...wanted more time with Lucy on paper. Of coarse the agreement we came to he doesn't follow, he doesn't help with medical bills or insurance. He has his daughter the bare minimum and I am alone in a state I don't want to live in. Colorado really wants a child to have 2 parents so fighting to move home feels like an uphill battle, especially since his parents are out here so they fight me harder. I feel stuck, sad, alone and just getting by. My mother helps with the bills which makes me feel so inadequate at age 33. I have a good stable job but feel like I am going nowhere. My ex can't afford to live here, his parents pay his rent but he is refusing to leave his carefree life as a ski bum, make the best desicions for his daughter, get help with his anger or drinking all the while his parents are enabling this behavior and forcing me to stay in a state that I don't want to live because he pretends he wants a relationship with his daughter, and they definitely don't want to be away from her. I hate sounding so helpless or like I'm whining, i realize that so many people have it so much worse then me I just don't know how to get my life back and get their control out of it. how pathetic.
Sun Jan 29, 2012 at 8:56 AM PT: I wanted to say thank you to everyone for their support. It is so reassuring to get feedback especially when feeling so alone. I definitely have options to explore and directions to take. Thank you.