I live in a neighborhood that is much more ethnically diverse than the national average, and well beyond the typical neighborhood in Texas. There are Pakistani Muslims and Central African Christians, Hispanic Jews and Asian Agnostics. There are even a couple of White Buddhists here and there, but you wouldn't know it from looking at them. In short, the concept of the American Melting Pot is so alive and well in my little neck of the woods that I often forget that not everyone enjoys such diversity.
I also sometimes forget that the areas surrounding my little Model U.N. have had some of the highest rates of hate crime and racially motivated violence in the country. Not too long ago, a man was dragged to death behind a truck simply because he was black and it was considered pleasantly shocking that the men responsible were actually punished.
So what does one do when a new family moves in to the neighborhood, and brings ugliness in from the outside?
It happened about a year-and-a-half ago, as near as I can figure. Movers aren't uncommon around here, as there are two apartment complexes flanking the entrances to the Knoll and the homes are the size and price that most people would consider "starters." We also have a good number of rental properties, which ensures a pretty steady stream of garage sales, moving parties, and new kids at the bus stop.
Someone new wasn't odd, but their behavior was a bit out of place. Family A was from the country. More specifically, they were from the above mentioned town, which is often referred to as a "Sundown Town", that until recently had a sign at the city limits that nestled among the badges for the Rotary Club and the VFW post that was a simple white shield with three faded K's in a row. Their manners were distinctly country and their oldest son, who we'll call Kid A, is one of those boys that you'll never get the country out of. The very first day he learned that kids lived at my house, he took it upon himself to come over and play. He wasn't invited and he opened the door without so much as a knock or ring of the bell. I've lived in communities like that, and understand where he's coming from, but around my house pants are the devil and all other clothing is optional.
After I broke him of this habit, there were a few others I had to work on. Taking your shoes off at the door, using the proper volume in the house, and not touching my tools without permission and supervision. Still, the kid is a handful and I did what I could to make sure sleepovers weren't common.
Then it happened.
I was outside, about to call the kids in for dinner when I heard Kid A proclaim loudly "I don't give gum to black people."
This set me right off. I walked over to the group of kids and demanded to know what his major malfunction was. Kid A only had so much gum, and while Kid S and Kid K (who were white) got some, Kid J (who was black) only got lip. I told my kids (K and S) that we didn't tolerate racism and that Kid A was no longer welcome in the house or on the yard till he apologized. Instead of doing his normal hang-dog fake apology, he said that he didn't have to apologize because black people were stupid and didn't know how to chew gum. Then he ran off.
I immediately told Kid J that Kid A was a jerk and I had a whole pack of gum that she could have.
I've told Family A about their kid, and I got the usual platitudes, but kids tend not to pick up racist ideas in a vacuum.
I told Family J about the incident and while Mr. J was pretty angry, Mrs. J said we should all ignore it and move on. Kid J still seems a bit shaken by the whole thing and hasn't been outside to play in a couple of days.
I found out later that Kid A has also been bullying the youngest son of Family R, who are Pakistani Muslims, but he only trots out the "you're too dark" crap when he doesn't get his way. Mrs. R. hasn't said anything to anybody because she's afraid to make waves.
My question to the group is, how would you handle something like this?
Kid A is officially banned from coming over and I've asked my kids not to play with him. If they have no other choice, they are to come right home the minute he says anything about skin color or religion. I want to make it clear to all involved that me and mine don't put up with that kind of non-sense, but I don't want to alienate Family A. I want them to know the awesome power of the neighborhood and how great a community we have, but I know that being made to feel left-out isn't going to do it.