I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people who love me. My incredible husband, who has given me a life and a love that I never thought I deserved and, quite frankly, never new existed. My two wonderful sons who are my heart and soul and who bring me such joy in watching them grow and mature into young adults (23) and young men (almost 7!)
I have friends who go out of their way to let me know how special I am to them, three incredible women who are working side by side with me on seeing Tree Climbers come to fruition, and a new-found community of support here at Daily Kos. So many who are helping me as I venture along this path from darkness to light, from fear to triumph, and from feeling that I can't do this to knowing that I MUST do this.
Each of you a candle guiding me down a path unfamiliar but welcoming all at once...
More after the jump -
Tree Climbers is a community diary series for survivors of childhood sexual, physical, and emotional abuse and those who support them.
Tree Climbers sustain each other, learn about childhood abuse, recover, and discover and create ways to protect children.
Trigger Warning - The next paragraph holds brutal words. Feel free to scroll past it.
In a typical diary, you might read of someone who survived the grooming (this does not mean hair brushing), the fondlings, the rapings, the beatings, the mutilations or the death threats perpetrated by a sadistic egocentric molester of an innocent. Criminals abuse their victims. For years. Families refuse to believe the victims. For years. Victims report being dead inside. For years. Families and society have stifled the voices of victims and magnified and perpetuated the abuse. For years. We weep. We rage. We heal. We inspire.
We invite you to climb or be lifted up in our safe tree with us. We have broad branches, sunshine, hammocks, cushions, and plenty of tissues. Comment on the diary, ask questions, and share your perspective or even your story. If you are too overwhelmed to speak, you can just witness. That's okay. A few of the Tree Climbers are as silent as a jury.
Tree Climbers Rule: Be kind.
No T r o l l s. When we were children, we had no power. But we are no longer children. Climbing trees is not healthy for trolls - everybody knows that. If you act like a troll in our tree, we will calmly watch while you become invisible.
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Please visit our website: Tree Climbers Inc
But the calls and recognition of this milestone I will miss are the calls that will never come...
Child sexual abuse suffers many casualties, especially in the case of incest. The relationships between the victim/survivor and immediate siblings, parents and others are strained.
I remember trying to talk to my mom after the truth came out and she screamed at me that we would not talk about this - that if I needed help, I should go to a psychiatrist. All I wanted was for my mom to hug me and tell me I was okay. To tell me it wasn't my fault, to tell me that she loved me "anyway."
My brother and sister, upon returning from Putt-Putt golf the night that Child Protective Services came to my house said to me "Why are you trying to hurt Paw-Paw this way?" - And, to this day, I still don't think my brother believes me.
My sister and I aren't speaking. Our relationship has always been strained, but since I went public with my story, I am the mirror she can't bear to look at.
I remember my grandmother calling me a little bitch, and, in some sick and twisted way, believe she was jealous of the "relationship" between me and my Paw-Paw - she always intimated that it must have been my fault. All I wanted was for her to take me in her arms and tell me she would never let him hurt me again and that she loved me...
So tomorrow I will be plagued by a sadness that lingers just below the surface. A longing for relationships that were ripped apart through no fault of my own. A chasm that can't be bridged no matter how much time has passed. The victim victimized yet again; ignored, forgotten, alone.
Tomorrow is my birthday - and I will smile through my tears because of you. My family, my friends, my sister and brother survivors and all who bear witness to this journey.
Literature Review
It appears that while incest victims perceived their families-of-procreation as adapting to life events in a variety of ways, most of the women in this study did not evaluate their own families as emotionally close and cohesive. The most salient explanation for this lack of closeness seems to be a lack of trust acquired in their family-oforigin. It may also be that closeness was associated with their victimization and was therefore undesirable or intolerable.
Follow the Tree Climbers.† If you click the red heart (♥) or the word "Follow" next to "Tree Climbers" at the top of the home page of the Tree Climbers, our diaries will be delivered directly to your Stream.
Join Tree Climbers. You are welcome to join us. To do so, send a private message via kosmail to SallyCat for an invitation to join the group.
Special diaries and a radio broadcast. If you missed the first few days of the Tree Climbers, we recommend that you read the following three diaries and also listen to a radio interview.
• F**k Joe Paterno by Rebecca, January 22, 2012.
• “No One Spoke Up for Us": For The Children Who Had No Voice and for Those Finally Finding Theirs by Rebecca, January 26, 2012.
• In Solidarity. There is No True Justice for a Crime That Lasts Forever by dear occupant, January 26, 2012.
• Roxine's radio interview. On Dr. Laura's radio show on November 11, 2011, Roxine read her letter on air (8 minutes). You can read the text in "No One Spoke Up for Us."
Technical questions? See the Daily Kos Frequently Asked Questions, found also at the bottom of every Daily Kos page.
† Following. Once you become a member of Daily Kos, you can Follow (subscribe to) any diarist or group. From your home page, when you click on the tab "My Stream," a page will open that looks like an email Inbox. To see what a Daily Kos Stream looks like: SallyCat's "My Stream" page.
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1.800.656.4673.
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Tree Climbers Inc
12:34 PM PT: Remember how I said I had the greatest friends ever? At lunch, one of them gave me a card with a check - made out to Tree Climbers Inc. Our first donation for the charity!!!
I, of course, cried my eyes out! Happy tears, so no worries!
Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes.
Roxine