[a reprint of a classic diary for this anniversary date]
Calls for the removal of Captain Barack Obama grew today, lead by papers controlled by William Randolph Hearst, after repeated reports of the many missteps he took in guiding the maiden voyage of the RMS Titanic from Southampton to New York.
The world's largest ocean liner arrived a full three days later than the anticipated record-breaking cruise the designers and owners of the White Star-line-owned ship had promised, making it only an average crossing time of the North Atlantic.
Among Captain Obama's many scandalous missteps include leaving port a day late to wait for extra lifeboats, slowing the ship to half-speed due to an alleged ice berg threat, and subjecting the first class passengers of the ship to repeated life boat drills in the slightly chilly April weather. More on this nautical disaster on the flip side.
Mrs. John Jacob Astor, commenting to a reporter from the New York World Telegram on the arrival dock in lower Manhattan on April 20, described Captain Obama's conduct as "promoting some kind of radical safety agenda". Mrs. Astor continued, "He made us miss the cocktail hour the first day out to sea to drill in those awful lifeboats. Why, my jewelry nearly got caught up in that silly life preserver he insisted all the passengers learn to wear!"
Mr. Bruce Ismay, an executive of the White Star Line, said Captain Obama's decision to remain in port in Southampton an extra day to take on additional life boats was "under investigation" by company officials. "There clearly was some kind of hidden agenda on Captain Obama's part when he insisted there be enough lifeboats aboard to accommodate every single passenger," Ismay said, "given that the ship is clearly unsinkable."
Even some members of the crew were critical of Captain Obama for slowing the speed of the Titanic when it received warnings in mid-cruise about icebergs floating in the area of the ship's course. "He made us double our lookouts, when the sea was completely calm, steered the ship to the south, and forced us to double-check the lifeboats twice a day," said one crew member who asked to remain anonymous. "People are questioning whether this kind of regulation of ship duty didn't cause all the delays. After all, we've crossed the Atlantic under full steam as recently as mid-August without any iceberg collisions."
Passenger discontent with Captain Obama's conduct seemed to have actually increased after he announced that passengers in 2nd and 3rd classes would receive substantial refunds for their tickets, and that 1st class passengers would also receive a discount, albeit a slightly lower one in terms of percentage of the original fare paid. "It's a sign that he's at heart one of those radical stokers who periodically threaten to strike for so-called 'fair wages'," said Major Archibald Butt of the War Department, who had booked his trip in order to perform official business in what he called 'the modest comfort' of First Class. "Of course he wants the ship to arrive late, so he can justify taking on more crew to solidify his popularity."
First class passengers have been clamoring for Obama's replacement as soon as his contract is up in two years' time, and in the meantime have set their sights on forcing the firing of the ship's junior officers, whose contracts are up for renewal in two months' time. "Anybody who would cooperate with Captain Obama by following such outrageous orders is clearly too dangerous to help operate such a large ship at sea," said industrialist Benjamin Guggenheim. "It's only a matter of time before Captain Obama's radical conduct asea causes not just the Titanic, but the entire fleet of the Cunard line, to sink to the bottom of the sea."
Captain Obama, when asked to comment on this unprecedented disaster at sea, was quoted by the Hearst Press as saying "...of course...I want...[the] ship....to sink...[and all the passengers, especially the first class passengers]...to" "die".