Bill Maher's final New Rule last night showed that Joe Biden's comment about gay marriage last week can now put Mitt Romney on the defensive from this point forward.
So Mr. President, the best thing your campaign has going for you, isn't you. It's the Republicans. The angry, aggressively conservative base of their party scares the living hell out of every voting block you need to win. And gay sex? Gay sex is the thing that really makes the door in their foreheads open and the cuckoo bird pop out.
Nothing gets their base stimulated like the thought of someone getting their base stimulated. I mean, think about it. When were your re-election numbers looking the most promising? It was when Rick Santorum was in the news every day talking about sex.
Americans may be disappointed in you, but as soon as they heard little Ricky hold forth on lady parts, they said, "Oh geez, at least Obama doesn't think wet dreams are the Devil's pee pee." (audience applause)
Now, Mitt Romney wants to run this election on one issue: jobs. But now that you've come out clearly for gay marriage, from now until November, Mitt has to talk about why he isn't for it. And that issue stays alive. He will be standing in front of a shuttered meat-packing plant saying "jobs", and everybody is gonna be thinking, "meat-packing".
Full transcript below the fold.
And finally, New Rule: Since Joe Biden's gaffe on gay marriage is what finally got Obama to move on the issue, Joe Biden must make more gaffes. The historic change that took place this week wouldn't have happened if Joe didn't go off the reservation and say on TV last Sunday, that he just thought everyone should know he was completely cool with two dudes doing it. Three days later, the president agreed. Oh Joe, would you please go on Meet the Press this week and say, "Should marijuana be legalized? I'm high right now!" (wild audience applause)
That's right, folks, if we want historic change, we can either do it the President's way, slowly, using cool, detached reason; or the Vice President's way, quickly, using brain farts.
"Afghanistan? What a shithole, let's get the fuck out now!"
"Wall Street bankers, I can't believe we haven't hung any!"
"Global warming? That's a big fucking deal, my friend!"
Maybe Joe's gaffe will be the turning point where Democratic politicians realize that doing the right thing on social issues can actually be a winner politically, too. Now of course, there are still millions of people in America who think that homosexuality offends God, or that pot leads to hard drugs. But they mainly belong to a specific demographic called, "people who will be dead soon".
And that's not who you really want to build the future of your party around. Democrats need to get the memo that by and large, the public has grown up. Gay characters are all over TV. High schools now have clubs for openly gay teens, or as when I was in school, it had to go by a secretive code name: the football team. Finally got back at the football team!
Over half of Americans now approve of gay marriage, up from just 27% in 1996. Six out of ten independents are for it. And I'm guessing there's another 20% that could be talked into it after a few drinks.
So Mr. President, the best thing your campaign has going for you, isn't you. It's the Republicans. The angry, aggressively conservative base of their party scares the living hell out of every voting block you need to win. And gay sex? Gay sex is the thing that really makes the door in their foreheads open and the cuckoo bird pop out.
Nothing gets their base stimulated like the thought of someone getting their base stimulated. I mean, think about it. When were your re-election numbers looking the most promising? It was when Rick Santorum was in the news every day talking about sex.
Americans may be disappointed in you, but as soon as they heard little Ricky hold forth on lady parts, they said, "Oh geez, at least Obama doesn't think wet dreams are the Devil's pee pee." (audience applause)
Now, Mitt Romney wants to run this election on one issue: jobs. But now that you've come out clearly for gay marriage, from now until November, Mitt has to talk about why he isn't for it. And that issue stays alive. He will be standing in front of a shuttered meat-packing plant saying "jobs", and everybody is gonna be thinking, "meat-packing". He wants to talk about targeted tax cuts, this makes him address why Jesus hates anilingus. And I say that tongue in cheek. (audience applause and groans)
So even though they stumbled into it, kudos to Joe and Barry for finally saying out loud what we've always known they believed. That what two grown men do behind closed doors, is between them and airport security.