Tomorrow I will wish my seniors the best of all things as they wander off into the world and next week I will let the rest of my students go to summer and shut down shop here. As I begin to put things away and as students begin to go away, I cannot help but to look back at this year with something akin to awe and gratitude because a year ago, I expected that at this time, I would be saying my goodbyes to the school that I have taught at for the last six years. I did not expect that I would have the support of the district, staff and students as I transitioned from male to female.
Expectations were not high when I began to transition. After all, if you read the reports and listen to the stories, things don't generally go our way. I thought I had used up all my luck just keeping my friends and family. Just being able to remain married to my wonderful spouse. I had no illusions that I would be able to remain as public school Theatre Arts teacher given how people feel about trans women and men. As a matter of fact, I had many illusions about how negatively people would react. I imagined news trucks and angry letters and death threats. I imagined the worst of things because I knew from many others that they had experienced the worst of things. Plus, I come from Russian stock where we hope for the best but expect the worst.
And I was wrong. Simple enough. I made assumptions, perhaps based on my own self-importance and they were wrong.
The fact is that there have been no real problems at all. Since the first day of this year, I have taught as a woman and had people relate to me as a woman. Sure, there was a learning curve for some who have known me a while. Some name lapses or misused pronouns. But I have come to accept those from people as they begin to replace the person they knew with the person they know. For most, it was easy, because they always addressed me by my last name alone. Simply "Troop". No honorific required. Easy for me to respond to as well. It took me some time to remember that when a student called me "Miss" they were talking to me. In some ways, I'm still getting used to my new name.
I have dealt with a few who have found me an object of curiosity. For a while at the beginning of the year, students I did not know would open my door and peek in, perhaps giggle. They had never seen a trans person up close and now they have. At the same time, many of them had never seen a Jew up close either, but they have now even if they were not aware. I've personally allowed them to add two groups to their relative experience with The Other. We break down walls where we can.
I have dealt with a few who do not think I should still be teaching children. Their objections at first were much stronger but I have found over the course of the year that it takes too much effort on their part to worry about what the Theatre teacher is doing with her life. They just end up not caring about me as much as they have always not cared about me. These same people think most likely think I should not be teaching simply because they do not think the district should spend money on a Theatre program. Ultimately, nothing ever comes of this kind of griping except that they have reason to gripe, to vent. If I have given them a target for their need to vent, then I hope it at least did them some good. It did not do me any ill.
What I have mostly experienced is love and acceptance. My students, my drama kids who come to me for shelter and, well, something to do with their time, are my fiercest defenders and educational outreach team. They have spread the word about me and how I should be treated and addressed and they will not allow others to say a bad word about me without challenge. I have close friends on the faculty who are now closer. As I am more honest in my life, more authentic, people have let their guard down to me as well. I know people better than I ever have.
I have also experienced what it means to be a woman in the workplace, for all the good and ill. Granted, I am a teacher which is a profession mostly populated by women. But as a male teacher, I was allowed a bit more leeway in what I did. I did not have to work as hard to control my classes. I could be more intimidating with less effort. As a female teacher, I have felt a bit more scrutiny. I am not as "collegial" with administrators as I perhaps was before. It's just...different. I know that my students require a firmer hand and, as a result, I have heard that I am now lovingly referred to as a "bitch" by some. So it goes with female teachers who exercise a firm hand with their classes. I've had to evolve as an educator and will use my experiences this year to shape how I work with my students next year. In a number of ways, I've had to relearn how to teach.
The fact is that a decade ago, I would not have been able to do what I have done. I owe a debt of gratitude to the LGBT community that I cannot repay except to not disappear...to attempt to leave my trans idenitity behind as I move beyond my physical transition. I know that what I do as a teacher is hugely important. I feel there is equal importance in letting those around me know a trans woman up close and personal. Just one small stone rippling the pond, but it matters. I hope it makes a difference and keeps moving the bar in a positive direction.