First off, I'd like to point out that there is no such thing as "transgender marriage". Marriage has no gender. There are marriages, however, in which one or more of the participants is transgender.
Because transpeople are human beings, we have the inalienable right to get married. Inalienable...as in, you cannot take it away from us.
What people wish to do in lieu of being able to keep us from marrying is tell us who we can and cannot marry.
Case in point: Last Monday I shared the proposal of Fenway Health's Dr. Scout to his girlfriend Liz Margolies: Transman proposes to partner at White House Pride celebration.
Most of the people I know responded with joy.
But I don't know everybody.
At Weasel Zippers, the bowels of the internet, the response was She-Man Proposes to Girlfriend During Obama's White House Gay Pride Party
For the people who titled the post, 'She-Man Proposes To Girlfriend,' we just want to note that I am actually not a superhero. I, of course, play one on TV.
--Scout
At
We win-They Lose, the headline was
Freak Show.
To the blog that was titled, 'Freak Show,' we just want to remind you that it's actually Dr. Freak Show show to you.
Fox's Laura Ingraham tweeted, "Oh, no!"
To Laura Ingraham, a Fox News anchor who expressed dismay at seeing the news, we just want to say, do not worry. We will absolutely invite you to the wedding,
AFA's Bryan Fischer tweeted, "Woman who thinks she's a man proposes to a woman who thinks she's a woman at a White House reception."
As for Miss Brianna Fischer, we will offer you free LGBT cultural competency training.
Dr. Scout's complete response follows:
Liz Margolies also had a response:
The fact of the matter is that many of the people who expressed outrage do not believe transgender people should be allowed to marry anyone…of either gender. They have made that abundantly clear.
Case 2: A presumed man named Brad Anderson married a woman in a church wedding and he and his wife had three children, which they raised in the suburbs of Seattle. When Brad was 33, his wife told him she was a lesbian.
I said, 'I totally get that. Wow. Let me tell you something I've never told you. I've always thought of myself as—and wanted to be—a woman.'
--Brad
At his wife's encouragement, Brad transitioned into Breanna between 1991 and 1993. They were still legally married. A contract is a contract.
That didn't sit well with Breanna's mother-in-law, who sued seeking visitation rights with the children and the annulment of the marriage, believing that two women should not be allowed to be married. The judge threw out the suit.
But as these things happen (trust me...I know this from personal experience), the marriage fell apart and they got divorced.
Breanna then met a lesbian named Ryan Blackhawke in a lesbian chat room. Ryan visited Breanna in Seattle...and they moved in together. They shared a split-level house in Kirkland for 12 years.
Breanna was an activist on transgender issues and was making plans for a conference in Seattle, and Ryan became upset. They talked about why and came to the realization that Ryan was also transgender. Now they were in a state-recognized domestic partnership, but they wanted to use the Federal Flexible Spending Account program to pay for Ryan's medical expenses. But as domestic partners, they were excluded from the program because of DOMA.
So they married.
"All it took was going into the Department of Licensing to change one letter on my driver's license," says Ryan. "Then all of a sudden, we can have all these rights that we didn't have before, while our friends are still locked out."
All this goes to point out the arbitrary nature of legal marriage, filled with so many loopholes that Breanna describes the law as "Swiss cheese." Transgender marriage, she points out, "underscores the completely subjective, irrational structures around marriage. The fact is, some people do change their gender in their lives, making us fall in and out of these legal classifications that have been fabricated."
At this point, Ryan and Breanna had been together for 15 years—first as girlfriends, then as legally partnered women, and now as man and wife. Their love even has the federal government's blessing.
For those people who wish to be our allies, do you now get why it is important to call it "marriage equality" rather than "same sex marriage or "gay marriage"?
I hope so.