The internet really is like the wild west. There are laws regarding behavior that are not always enforced by the authorities. And it is when you are faced with dealing with someone who is intent on hurting you, or at least convincing you of such, that you realize how isolated you can be online.
Cyberstalking is the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk or harass an individual, a group of individuals, or an organization. It may include false accusations, monitoring, making threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sex, or gathering information in order to harass. The definition of "harassment" must meet the criterion that a reasonable person, in possession of the same information, would regard it as sufficient to cause another reasonable person distress.[1] Cyberstalking is different from spatial or offline stalking in that it occurs through the use of electronic communications technology such as the internet. However, it sometimes leads to it, or is accompanied by it.[2] Both are criminal offenses.[3] Cyberstalking shares important characteristics with offline stalking. Many stalkers - online or off - are motivated by a desire to control their victims [4]. Wikipedia on Cyberstalking.
Cyber-stalking and Cyber-Bullying can, and usually do make a person feel totally helpless and unsupported, even if they are surrounded by people who care.
Why is that?
I will explain some of that below the fold.
The greatest quality of the internet, is also the biggest hole for the honest user.
You can be in a thriving online community surrounded by friends and friendly acquaintances, but that is not enough to defend you from a cyber-bully or a cyber-stalker. The reason for this is that you are operating in a virtual community. You may have many people who genuinely care for you, but one may be in Australia, and three may be in California, and 5 may be in D.C. and 2 might be in Texas, and 1 might be in Germany etc.,
And when one or two, or a group of people target you in your actual place of residence, in real-time, those friendships seem like ghosts. You are there, potentially your stalker is near, and all your excellent friends and supporters are miles, or even continents and time-zones away.
They love you, but there is precious little that they can offer you, but words. And words, as wonderful as they are, seem empty when you are faced with an immediate, physical threat to your person or your family.
This is why children who are cyber-bullied sometimes kill themselves, even if they have great support online, they still have to face the hostile and scary and threatening environment on a daily basis, without the positive words of friends from other towns, schools, states, or countries. Online support may not feel like enough of a counter to the constant, in-your-face-threats and intimidation and humiliation in real-time.
The internet is great for political activism when dealing with a company or a politician. People can band together and form a collective and have their concerns aired. But when it comes to dealing with individual criminals or predators--the internet falls woefully short of that task, and this is often compounded by a lack of interest displayed by internet website managers, and especially law enforcement at both federal and state levels.
Try reporting harassment on FB and see what happens. Or call the police in your town, nothing much will happen in most cases. Irregardless of where you make your report, the response might take a lot longer than you would like. It can be difficult for authority figures to sort out an actual harassment or stalking case, from a simple online pissing contest. Just like it can be difficult for the rest of us to sniff out potential friendships, from the offered tentacles of a future opportunist-read stalker or bully.
Many people do not consider cyber-stalking a genuine problem, and won't until it happens to them or someone close to them. To many folks out there, the stalker on the internet is imagined to be slightly less dangerous than the drunk guy writing nasty stuff about a person on the bathroom wall in a bar. It is easy for others to forget how this can affect your other relationships in the real world, or worse yet that cyber-stalking can be a prelude to a dangerous encounter.
The best part is, you won't know, until you know.
This is also the problem that accidental activists face. You read about them in the news sometimes, someone fighting city hall, or a school district over a law or ordinance or policy that is stupid or even just plain bad, and people all over the country or even the world might be rooting for that person or family, but what does that mean when they go to work or school everyday in a town that hates them? what does that mean to them in a town or community that shows it's hatred and contempt for them on a daily basis?
See Texas Professor Terminated after Cross Protest
Scandal in School, Virginia Library Staffers Challenge Religious Harassment.
ACLU--No More Bandaids on Bullying
You become an accidental activist, by simply being different, and then resisting attempts to coerce you into conformity and/or silence. Standing out as any kind of minority can make you a target. It could simply be that you didn't give someone their way, a strong woman turning down an offer of a date, or perhaps refusing to conform to religious beliefs or practices, embraced by peers at work or school, or perhaps you challenged laws or policy that perpetuate some form of discrimination.
You don't have to set out to create controversy, you only have to stick up for yourself or for someone else and/or visibly hold a locally, unpopular opinion. That's it. And now, thanks to technology, you can be stalked and harassed in real life, and on the internet, simultaneously.
For those who purposefully go out on a proverbial limb, or for people who just sort of end up there, it is a lonely existence, and the stalker knows it, those who would do the mobbing know this. It's easy to scare someone online, because often the target doesn't have to be isolated in reality. The target only has to be reminded that they are already physically isolated from like-minded people.
Isn't that what drives so many of us to seek specific communities online?
This really speaks to some larger issues.
1. How we comport ourselves online
2. Privacy issues
3. How do we build and maintain a community that can overcome these issues of physical isolation?
If we remain anonymous and never ever bring up anything of personal value in an online community, then places like this would serve NO purpose. There would be no need for the DK, because all the passion, meaning, and value would be sucked right out of the dialogue before it could happen. Self censorship would destroy the content of everything, but the most banal of small talk.
Can you imagine?
Favorite color: Beige,
Favorite religion: Whatever church you go to
Favorite saying: I can be whatever you want me to be.
There is no truth in that world, only a never ending attempt to take the shape of the next container, the next potential bully that must be appeased.
As much as some of us might want to let it all hang out, some things must be held back, if one wants to maintain some sort of privacy. The problem is, that there are companies, with software that are devoted to data-mining every bit of information they can about all of us, in order to sell to the highest bidder. It might be your potential boss, the government, or a stalker. As you stay online and communicate with people over the years, more bits and pieces of your personal life will be out in cyberspace. And with friends and family posting pictures and anecdotes, we all can have that extra help we need, in exposing ourselves to the world.
whoopee! [snark]
So how do we as a community, protect ourselves as a collective, from abuse of our information? From Cyberbullies and Cyber Stalkers?
I am not sure I have an answer to that yet.
When we figure this out, I suspect other issues might also fall into place. Once we are able to do that, coherently, and in a timely manner, I think that might be a day, that we have reached a level of communal organization that will be able to accomplish amazing things. Even more amazing than usual.
I offer that one thing that holds us back [and this isn't necessarily a bad thing] is the refusal by most, to not lower the bar. When I read about the astroturfing by the government and by certain other political parties on sites like reddit, amazon, and digg, I noticed that this community and associated political labels did not show up.
Another electronic astroturf story
This is a good thing. But how do we counter this without stooping to similar behavior? A small percentage of people are very savvy with computers. The rest of us, stumble along. Since everyone cannot be a code monkey, how do we protect the stumblers?
Or teach them to protect themselves?
How can we rally behind a person being bullied and especially those being threatened online and make it meaningful and effective?
Or should we?
Now I am not talking about disagreements or even heated arguments. I am speaking of actual threats, or a strongly implied threat, or nasty, brutish behavior associated in the days of old with something that lives under a bridge.
You might get into a disagreement with someone else, but if you find yourself following them around online, it might be time to stop and consider how your actions affect others. You don't just scare the target that point. Your actions, if noticed by others will have a chilling effect on the dialogue across the board. At that point, the target becomes an example, and others silence themselves in order to avoid a similar fate.
If you find yourself creating sockpuppets so you can stir the pot on a forum, it's time to step away from the keyboard. At that point it's time to employ some anger management and be the grown-up.
I have witnessed other people being cyberstalked/harassed and felt absolutely helpless, because I was far away in reality. I was not a neighbor or the next of kin, not in their jurisdiction as it were, and felt there was little recourse that I could take, other than bear witness and document what transpired for posterity and possible police reports.
Beyond espousing the golden rule, is there anything we can do as a community to protect each other?
What would that be?
If you have been targeted like this, what worked or didn't work for you?
What would be your advice to others facing similar situations?
I want to go back to the big question: What can we do as a community to protect or assist people who are in such situations? Is there anything we can do, if the authority figures cannot or will not take appropriate action?