This diary posted last night chronicled one of the many fundraising events for Mitt Romney. For a mere $50,000 per person, the wealthy could mingle with the Romneys in Montana, as they have in the Hamptons, and in California, and anywhere there's a one-percenter with a palatial home fit for such an auspicious event.
Regardless of what's on the menu, or whether you get a nice gift bag at the end of the evening, along with an autographed photo with Mitt and Ann (neither of whom may actually show up on film given their undead tendencies), that's an awful lot of money for a dinner. Clearly this is more than a mere campaign donation. It's an "investment" in your future, a future that will - if all goes as planned - provide you with a tax-free wealth accumulation for you and your descendants for many years to come. The food and the goodies and the photo are just the icing on the cake.
While $50,000 might seem like a lot to some of us who still have to work for a living, to those of you in Mitt's target demographic, it's just a little mad money, something to spend on a whim. Far be it for me to question your motives. It's your money. You've earned amassed it. You could be throwing it away on island vacations, dressage horses, jewelry, garden parties, designer dresses, plastic surgery, or recreational drugs.
Maybe investing in your future makes the most sense after all. Never mind that that pesky Kenyan Socialist is still going to walk away with the election no matter how many checks you write. At least you can have some fun in the mean time picturing your wonderful tax-free life. As they say: it doesn't cost anything to dream. Which is a good thing, because for some folks, just dreaming of living indoors is what sustains them through their daily struggles. But... I digress. I know you one-percenters don't like hearing all that depressing stuff.
Still, while it might be pocket change to you, $50,000 is a great deal of money to some of us in the um... lower and middle classes. The thought that you'd blow that in one evening (particularly an evening involving the Romneys) is hard for us to fathom. So indulge me for a bit, wealthy folk, as we consider what else you might have been able to purchase with your $50,000.
Without question, you could find yourself a quite nice car for $50,000, or I should say, yet another quite nice car. At first glance, the Tesla Model S will break your budget at $57,400 but fear not! With your $7500 tax break, you will get it down to mere $49,900. In addition to being a fun ride, you can sleep at night knowing that you're helping the environment, or at least offsetting the impact of your private jet emissions by some infinitesimally small percentage. The good news is this classy little ride will fit any of your pre-existing car elevators, keeping it in top condition for your next drive to your ski chalet, beachfront home, or private airstrip.
If education really is the hallmark of the um... upper classes, what better investment could you make than buying your son or daugher a year of tuition at Harvard along with room (but not board, sorry, that'll break the $50,000 budget) Better yet, invest in the future by subsidizing a nice Harvard education for your nail lady's bright young son or the butler's daughter. Talk about loyalty! These folks and their grateful offspring will be indentured indebted to you forever! Just make sure that they major in something that won't allow them to outsmart you or become a successful entrepreneur.
If college isn't your thing, keep in mind that your $50,000 would cover the average salary of a teacher in the US. Imagine: owning your own teacher! Of course, this would mean that you would have free rein over the curriculum, so you could ensure that the nuances of trickle-down economics would be drummed into the heads of those grateful little students. Since you probably won't want to actually visit the classroom, you might use the leftover money to set up a system of webcams and remote surveillance to keep an eye on your teacher and their little charges.
Still hungry after that big dinner? Next time, spend your $50,000 on something that will feed you for a while longer: 16 acres of farmland at today's average price; 5 acres if it's highly sought after farmland in Illinois. Better yet, buy the land from a family that's been farming it for generations, but unable to keep up in today's economy. Set them up as tenant farmers, and voila! You've got your very own fiefdom! Picture yourself surveying your vast lands from your balcony, watching those peasants toiling in the hot sun, just as your ancestors did in the Days of Olde.
If, despite your own sheltered life in your various palatial homes you're still plagued with twinges of guilt when you see victims of tsunamis, earthquakes, floods, and other natural disasters, you could buy 50 Shelter Boxes to provide shelter, basic living and cooking supplies, and a sense of dignity to the victims facing horrific conditions. Conditions that you can scarcely begin to imagine.
You do remember dignity, don't you? When the rich walked among us, saw the plight of their fellow human beings, and opened their hearts and wallets to help, rather than simply flaunting their net worth and congratulating themselves and one another on attaining their well-deserved status.