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Hang down your head, Mitt Romney?

No way! After my sensational international debut, I, the GOP heir-presumptive, am taking a folk jamboree across America with my backup group The Bain and other hastily-assembled acts!

Why should a bunch of grubby leftist malcontents have all the rousing folksongs and get all the applause? My runaway hit  "America the Beautiful" taught me that my immense vocal talent should be exploited for gain!

On the advice of PR consultants, I have repackaged myself.
As the fiery troubador "RAMBLIN' MITT ROMNEY," I will woo the nobodies and nails ladies my business policies have done so much to impoverish! On wings of song I will win their hearts and minds! And if not...eff 'em! Ignorant amoebas, I could crush them all with a wave of my platinum card.

Here are some gems from my songbag, you people!

"If I Had a Hammer"

If I had a Hammer
I'd hammer in the morning,
I'd hammer in the evening,
All over this land!
I'd hammer out tax cuts!
I'd hammer the unions!
I'd hammer that love's between a man and a woman,
All over this land!

If I had a bell
I'd ring it in the morning,
I'd ring it in the evening,
All over this land!
I'd ring out tax cuts!
I'd ring against unions!
I'd ring out that love's between a man and a woman,
All over this land!

If I had a song
I'd sing it in the morning,
I'd sing it in the evening,
All over this land!
I'd sing out tax cuts!
I'd sing against unions!
I'd sing out that love's between a man and a woman,
All over this land!

Well I got a hammer,
And I got a bell,
And I got a song to sing all over this land!
It's the hammer of Reagan!
It's the bell of peonage!
It's the song against love between same-sex couples,
All over this land!

                                       
Proceeds from the sale of my first album will help Sheldon Adelson buy this election! Order now!

"It Ain't Me, Babe"

Press your starved face 'gainst my window, looking for someone to lead.
You think I'm the man you want, babe, think I'm the one you need?
You say you're looking for someone,
Someone with some sanity,
Who won't go to war like Dubya
To feed his stupid vanity!
Someone who's not the neocons' whore,
But it ain't me, babe! No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're looking for, babe.

You say you're facing foreclosure, struggling to make ends meet
I'm not the one you want, babe, I'll put you in the street.
You say you're looking for someone
Who'll support the middle class,
Who'll protect it and defend it
And not screw it in the ass,
Someone who'll even care about the poor,
But it ain't me, babe! No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're looking for, babe.

Back to your hovel now, babe, don't come to me and bitch
God made you poor (I helped Him), and He made me ungodly rich!
You say you're looking for someone,
Someone to make things right,
Do something 'bout recession, and our shattered land unite.
'Scuse me while I roll on the floor,
But it ain't me, babe! No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're looking for, babe.

"This Land Is MY Land"

Chorus
This land is my land, this land's not your land,
God gave the rich land, he didn't give the poor land!
From the redwood forests, to the Gulf Stream waters,
This land, this land was made for me!

As my chauffeur was driving that ribbon of highway
Private jets above me soared in the skyway
I saw below me a gated valley
This land, this land was made for me!
Chorus

I've roamed and rambled thru boardroom meetings
Heard the sparkling sound of my accountants cheating
And all around me a voice was bleating:
This land, this land was made for me!
Chorus

The sun was shining, as I was downsizing
And the pink slips flying, and my profits rising
The Dow was peaking, and a voice was speaking:
This land, this land was made for me!

Chorus
This land is my land, this land's not your land,
God gave the rich land, he didn't give the poor land!
From the redwood forests, to the Gulf Stream waters,
This land, this land was made for me!

"Where Have All the Factories Gone?"

Where have all our factories gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all our factories gone?
Long time ago
Where have all our factories gone?
Gone to China, every one!
When will they ever learn.
Oh when will they ever learn?

Where have our employees gone?
Long time passing.
Where have our employees gone?
Long time ago
Where have our employees gone?
Walmart greeters, every one!
When will they ever learn.
Oh when will they ever learn?

Where have all their unions gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all their unions gone?
Long time ago,
Where have all their unions gone?
They've been busted, every one!
When will they ever learn,
Oh when will they ever learn?

Where have all my profits gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all my profits gone?
Long time ago
Where have all my profits gone?
Gone to the Caymans, every one!
When will they ever learn,
Oh when will they ever learn?

Now, audience, you TOO can help ol' Ramblin' Mitt get his message out! I need enough songs to fill out my next album, Bringing It All Back to Hunan! So start scribbling lyrics and post them here! True to my principles, I will reward each hard worker with a signed pink-slip and a personal Security escort to the parking lot!

                                         

Originally posted to Rebel Songwriters on Tue Jul 31, 2012 at 04:30 PM PDT.

Also republished by a loose affiliation of millionaires and billionaires, Protest Music, DKOMA, National Parody Administration, and Community Spotlight.

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