Our friends at gayco! first reported on the imminent and potentially cataclysmic collision of Tropical Storm Isaac and the fast moving GOP shitstorm about to hit Tampa:
“This is an unprecedented weather event,” said Dawn Patterson, director of the National Weather Service. “We have what looks like it will become a Level 2 or 3 hurricane hurtling straight toward a extremely hot cloud of hysterical, frothing bullshit.”
The shitstorm, which already covers much of the conservative south and large stretches of the Great Plains, will become exponentially stronger and more concentrated as Republican luminaries from across the country descend upon Tampa early next week to spread their ideas. This confluence of hot-headed, dangerous rhetoric will create an updraft of rabid, unbending nationalism and a high-pressure bubble of fear-mongering and vague hatred of everything, according to the National Weather Service.
Combined with 100-plus mile per hour winds, heavy rains and flood conditions, this could spell trouble for convention attendees.
“There’s going to be shit everywhere,” said convention janitor Lee Bukolski. “Just…so much shit.”
And now for the extended coverage of the clash of the tropical storm named Isaac and the fecal vortex of homophobia, misogyny, and mendacity named The Republican National Convention.
NOAA has issued tornado warnings for 8 counties so far and reports that Isaac will spin off tornadoes across the affected region, and the GOP shitstorm was already expected to spawn its own dangerous tornadoes, such as the invitation-only address to convention delegates by Sheriff Joe "I-Am-the-Law" Arpaio set to touch down at a zoo somewhere in the vicinity. Residents of Tampa and surrounding areas are advised to move to a pre-designated shelter, such as a basement, in order to keep from being swept up by all the immigrant bashing and Birther bullshit.
Local authorities report that residents are being evacuated from the path of Isaac's dangerous storm surges, which are expected to raise the water levels in surrounded lakes upwards of 5-to-8 feet, but steps have yet to be taken to evacuate Floridians directly in the path of the GOP's filthy surge of raw Obama bashing and color-blind race baiting.
In addition to Isaac's deluge, which is expected to dump anywhere from 12" to 18" of rain, the GOP is planning to absolutely drown as many Tampa residents as possible with millions of gallons of trickle-down diarrhea, set to jettison nearly simultaneously from the mouths of star GOP bullshitters like RNC Chair Reince Priebus, SC Gov. Nikki "The Nullifier" Haley, Fox News lunatic Mike Huckabee, and Marco "The Shill" Rubio.
Storm watchers and janitors in the affected areas are asked to please send us updates.