I had the opportunity to get ahold of an early video of Ann Romney's speech - As she was rehearsing it- Before she had improved it for the TV masses... I transcribe it for your pleasure...Enjoy!
I want to pretend tonight that I am not talking about politics or party. Of course this is political, after all, this is the freaking Republican National Convention. But I would rather not talk politics, because Mitt has so many positions frankly, it gets uncomfortable… so lets talk about.... that awesome movie “Magic Mike!” Something women can all appreciate. Except for gay women, I guess. I love all you women, gay or straight! Maybe not the gay ones or the single ones. it is God's will that women bear children, but not out of wedlock, that’s just evil, like being raped!
Moving on… tonight I want to talk to you women from my heart with vague beautiful phrases, which make you think I luv u! .. cause the Republican Party, like the Tin Man, hasn’t got a heart, and I, can at least fake it… I want to talk to you from my heart about why you support Obama by a 13% margin. So let’s get all girly and be BFF and forget that angry black man, huh?
Tonight I want to talk to you about love, cause it so much nicer than talking about the hatre we all share for our black president… we’re on TV, ok? I’d also rather not mention the really nasty planks in the Republican Party platform towards women, like the one which bans all abortions even to save your life, and will heartlessly force you to bear a rapists child---
I want to stroke your ego and talk to you about that love so deep only a mother can fathom it -- the love we have for our children. Even though this sentence insults men and childless women.. I don’t care, because its been focus group tested on soccer moms and you just might buy it.
And I want us to think tonight about the love we all share for those Americans, our brothers and sisters, who are going through difficult times. The tough -shit- love we share with...
The parents who lie awake at night, wondering if they will lose their jobs when a venture capital firm like Bain takes over their company with a leveraged buyout and “trims the budget” via massive layoffs.
The single dad who's working extra hours tonight at one of his two minimum wage jobs – which we oppose raising the minimun on, so that he can quit one, and spend more time with his kids so they can really know him…
And the working moms who love their jobs but would like to work part-time, but that's impossible when the Republican congress blocks pay equity legislation which would make this easier for women.
I've been all across this country for the past year and a half and heard these stories of how hard it is to get ahead now. I've heard your voices: “My job was outsourced to India,” “Walmart won’t give me health insurance or full-time benefits.”
Sometimes I think that late at night, if I were just silent for just a few moments and I listened carefully to what you said, I could hear a great collective scream from the middle class across America – I might empathize with the thousands of you people. But in that end of the day moment, I just don’t. My house is really too big to hear anything from outside.
And if I did listen carefully, Maybe I would hear the women screaming louder than the men. About how they don’t want us to legislate transvaginal probes, or be accused of fake rape stories… It's how it is, isn't it?
So instead of listening, I will stroke your ego again. You are the biggest martyrs moms. You get the prize!!
It's you moms of this nation -- single, married, widowed -- who really hold this country together. Vote for Romney! You are the bestest. You and me... We're the mothers, we're the wives, we're the grandmothers, we’re BFFs now!
Were BFPK! We’re BareFoot, Pregnant and in the Kitchen. You know it's true, don't you?
You're the ones who always have to do a little more, because we are the underclass. We’re only women, and in Mormon doctrine “A woman's primary place is in the home, where she is to rear children and abide by the righteous counsel of her husband" K?
You know those late night phone calls with an elderly parent who has to choose between medicine and food.
You know which doctors actually answer the phone when you call at night – IE none, unless you can afford a concierge physician like Mitt and I do.
There would not be an America without you moms – There would not be an America without Dads, Mexicans, or the French, but that’s not helpful in winning your vote.
Tonight, we salute you and sing your praises – Because we desperately need your votes.
I don't think there's a woman in America who really expects her life to be easy. If there is one, she should be schooled by Mitt. He was a bishop in the church and he knows how to teach uppity women. We all should know better! ! Bad woman!
And that's fine. We don't want easy. Because we are masochists. That’s just what the church teaches us... Why fight it.
But these last few years have been harder than they needed to be. It's all the little things – All the little taxes, which pile up to become a big average tax of 30% which the middle class pays, while Mitt and I pay 13%..at most. And the big things -- the good jobs, the chance at college, just get harder.
..
And we like it that way. Keeping you busy and uneducated keeps you ignorant and unable to have the time to question things. Unemployment keeps labor costs low.
I’m hoping you are all too dumb to see the logical inconsistencies with my speech. That you’re not smart enough to think there are better answers to going backwards to a mythical 1950s Leave it to Beaver world which was not really that great for women anyway.
And I love you women!! But not in that way - That's against God's will, and really sicko!