I have been spending most of the day for the last week cleaning out my brother and parent’s house. We lost Dad in 1999 and no one went through his things. We lost Mom in 2010 and I’ve gotten through most of her things. We buried my brother on Wednesday and we are through most of his things. The past hangs heavy on my hands. Follow me below the squiggle for some thoughts on the past and how it will affect the future.
My Mom was a diehard Republican like her entire family. Dad was a lifelong Democrat. My brother was a tea party Republican. Many of the things I am going through are political stuff that is going directly into the garbage. I have told more callers from the Republican Party to stuff it. One tea party bitch complained that I yelled at her.
Dad was a World War II veteran. I had to make the heart breaking decision to toss his trunk from then because I cannot lift it or get it into my car. I emptied the contents into two Tupperware containers. It has letters from that era and the story of his life in the memorabilia. I have Mom’s letters already. Between them and the stories they told and wrote down I have enough to write the book of their lives and I have the photographs to illustrate it. Their generation is passing and their story has to be written before we lose it. I don’t understand why they waited until so many of the World War II veterans were dead before they built a memorial to them.
I am finding more evidence of how bad things were for my brother. He had been so good at hiding everything that no one really knew what was going on inside. The couple of people who guessed a little were not able to help him. He denied his problems. I will miss him but at least he is no longer suffering. Vietnam destroyed his life and in the end I think it killed him. It is one of the reasons I am fighting so hard to get Obama reelected. He cares for our veterans. Romney can’t be bothered to put them on his laundry list. There is so much that has to be done for the men and women who risked their lives for our country.
All three of the people who lived here were pack rats. Mom and Dad went through the Depression and had trouble throwing anything away. When you had nothing you used what you had until it could no longer be used. I found a monaural pair of headphones when cleaning one of the closets in my Dad’s room. The Republican rich will never understand those who are not rich.
I am physically exhausted. Eventually the mental fatigue will hit but right now I don’t have time for it. I have to pace myself because I have C.O.P.D. and severe arthritis. I also have no health insurance and cannot afford to get sick.
I am finding some personal treasures to share with my family. My Dad was a baseball player starting in his teens. He was good enough that when he got old enough they wanted him in the majors but he blew out his shoulder. I found his baseball gloves including those from his teens. I am finding some pretty decorative items that will join my home. I am finding tons of 35mm slides that will have to be scanned in and fixed in Photoshop before they deteriorate beyond use. The past will meet the future through technology. I’ll then put the pictures on DVDs for the family.
I have time to think for a while since I’m by myself here although a couple of friends are making sure I’m all right. My niece is frantically calling every day to make sure I’m okay. She is terrified she will lose me too. I helped to raise her and she has always called me “Mom” and the kids are starting to call me “Grandma.”
The main thing I am noticing, as did my brother, is that the house is just a house now. All emotional attachment seems to have gone. There is no heart here anymore. I’ll continue to finish cleaning, sell the furniture, and get the house on the market. Eric and I were ruthless in throwing stuff away as we don’t have room for everything. Only the most special of mementos are being kept. I realize I’m exhausted and eventually I’ll have to deal with the aftereffects of everything that has happened but right now though I’m too tired to deal with anything heavier then the next garbage bag.
Sun Sep 09, 2012 at 10:50 AM PT: Thank you everybody for your kind words. I couldn't believe this made Community Spotlight. Doing Dad's room now. I am stunned at the moment because I just found, stuck in a cabinet, a certificate of appreciation for his his war efforts for his service in World War II. Believe me that is going to be framed and hung in my home.