Mitt Romney defended his attack on half the population by saying that his comments "weren't elegantly stated." Since I have a doctorate in literature, maybe I am the perfect person to translate his ideas into more elegant language. So here is my pitch to become a speech writer for the Romney campaign. I would appreciate it if you might transgress the brioche à l'orange and give me your heartfelt responses to my translation.
"Verily, I say unto thee, my virile, wan, and pale-skinned brethren, some of whom do delight in voluptuous vixens wearing naught but a smile (tho some do gambol about masked or wearing feathers), there are those who would call themselves our countrymen who pay nary a farthing as part of their patriotic obligation, who never travail as do we in the finely-appointed enchanted carriages and towers of glass and steel that loom above the writhing mass of squalid public existence, bare life; indeed, they misapprehend us for gudgeons who would pay their way through life and tend to their every whim as a misbegotten, ebony-hued houseboy should wait upon his master. Nay! Tho they may labor sixty or more hours per week at some menial task, they shall not justly benefit from the fruits of their efforts, for I shall jut my chiseled chin before the enchanted camera and prevaricate in segments of visual entertainment that shall be thrust upon these upstart serfs, these faux-victims, these 'Americans.'"