Yes, I know the polls are skewed. I know that Mitt Romney is really ahead by a gazillion percent in every poll, once you "unskew" the polls.
And, yes, I know the liberal media is at it again, conspiring to depress GOP turnout by concocting polls that put Obama ahead nationally and in swing states.
And, yes, I know that Obama's Justice Department and David Axelrod have put the squeeze on Gallup, and that's why the Gallup tracker has suddenly shot up to Obama +6.
And, yes, I know that somehow, Rupert Murdoch has joined the conspiracy, either because he is a traitor to the conservative cause, or, more likely, because he has been threatened by Eric Holder over the phone hacking scandal, and that's why the latest Fox News poll and the most recent Wall Street Journal poll both have Obama +5.
And, yes, I know that the conservative powerhouses on Fox News like Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, paid consultant Karl Rove, Brett Baier and the wholesome crew from "Fox and Friends" have been heroically calling out these biased and skewed polls, exposing them for the frauds they truly are. (And how wise of these heroes to avoid charging their own boss with participation in the conspiracy, knowing full well that Rupert Murdoch "has a gun to his head" from Obama's nefarious DOJ!)
So, yes, I will admit that Romney is on the verge of an enormous, sweeping win that will shock Democrats who believe in statistical science like poll aggregates and in historical polling trends in presidential races.
But to my conservative friends who know that all of the above statements are stone, cold facts, I have a few, simple questions:
If all that is true, why are so many in GOP leadership in full panic mode regarding Romney's campaign?
Why are some top GOP officials (unnamed, of course) calling Wednesday night's first presidential debate in Denver "do or die" for Mitt Romney?
Why has the Romney campaign been in "retooling mode" for weeks now, with one attempted makeover after another?
We all agree, the polls are skewed! Romney is sailing to victory!
Is all of this angst among your leadership just part of an incredibly shrewd and diabolical plot to make Democrats overconfident and to set them up for crushing disappointment on election night?
And are all of you in on this plot, too, with your foaming-at-the-mouth rants on message boards every time a new poll is announced showing Obama surging to a measurable lead, nationally and in swing states?
Is this all one, giant set-up?
Damn! I knew it! I knew you were all brilliant strategists. Every last one of you.
The one thing that puzzles me... How do you keep the memos secret?