Obama should mount the debate stage in a carriage pulled by toddlers whose cancer was cured through RomneyCare.
Scott Stapp of Creed says he won't vote for Obama, indicating the president has lost the crucial "insufferable douchebag" vote.
I'm getting the sad feeling that, after the election, Obama's not going to write me a personal e-mail every 10 minutes.
'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.
The DMV is a great place to meet other people who lack the ability to mail things on time.
Garlic Bologna: Because the only thing better than eating cartilage and ground up bones is having your breath smell like ass afterward too.
The power to change the world lies within your capacity for self-delusion.