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I need to ask a favor from the community.  My ex husband died Sunday and he was a Vet although he did not serve in Nam.  His wife preceded him in death and had cancer.
This pretty much depleted any and all assets he had.   She died from brain cancer.  This is  MY son's Daddy.  I found out last night he has been on ice for 4 days and his 80 year old Aunt and one brother is scrambling for cremation money.

 My son is not doing well in all of this as we have nothing to contribute to his cremation.   My son has been out of work a long time.

 No one can find his DD214 and I will have to send for it I guess.  He had a massive heart attack Sunday morning.  My son will eventually get the Flag but the headstone will probably be out until I get that DD214.  My son was ..correction our son is the only child he actually had. .  As it stands......My son is his living heir. My tears are really flowing over this situation.  Here is my UVA site.   They say he adopted his granddaughter from his last marriage but I don't know.   I have talked to family members and since the wife is gone things are kind of a mess.  He was 62 years old and had worked all his life to lose a job a couple of months ago and was basically living with that young granddaughter and her husband.   They had no memorial.  They had no service.  Nothing.  

Here is my link... Please give what you can so I can send his brother and that old Aunt some money to take care of final expenses for my child's Daddy.  I never though I would shed a tear.  I never thought I would concern myself so much but when you see your child in pain and think back of some of the good times.. It weighs heavy.  i will be in and out as I try to borrow some money today to help with expenses but I can't really think straight as this just adds extra stress and depression on me and Jack.  My son lives with us and I really am hurt and never in a million years thought I cared a lick.  That was a bond.  Guess you can't stay married over 5 years and have a youngin and not feel some pain.  First Love and childhood sweetheart.  

 Jack encouraged me to do the memorial for him on FB.

http://forum4.aimoo.com/...  
I held a memorial of sorts on Facebook for him
My link if you are interested.  https://www.facebook.com/...

Thank you.  I will edit this post with a pic of my son when he was a baby and his Daddy holding him.  it is also on Facebook.  Rick lost his house back in 2010 when June his wife was diagnosed with cancer.  I talked to her up until she died.  Slow death..No insurance.   They hit rock bottom and that cancer and job loss just wiped them out and I guess, in some ways killed him.  Broken wallets and hearts will do that.

Originally posted to Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 08:13 AM PDT.

Also republished by Military Community Members of Daily Kos and Community Fundraisers.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (22+ / 0-)

    We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

    by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 08:13:52 AM PDT

  •  court adoption records (7+ / 0-)

    It shouldn't be difficult to find out whether he really adopted the granddaughter in court, or just treated her as his own -- in case it matters. Your son is probably the best person to ask the court in that county that handles adoptions. Or the granddaughter should have copies, or she could go ask the court.

    It only matters if your ex died without a will and there are any assets to distribute. If it's just furniture and clothing, it may not matter enough to bother with.

  •  my heart goes out to you (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    blue91, weck, Vetwife, glorificus

    Vetwife, I have listened to stories of your ex for a long time and I didn't think much of him ... considering all he put you through ... but I have to tell you, if a man like your ex could change so much ... to selling all he has for his ex wife to help her get through cancer ... the man has earned some respect from me. I am so sorry for you and your son. But when I think of an 80 year old woman trying to borrow a way to bury her nephew ....tears came. I hope that there can be money raised for him to ease the burden of his remaining family.

    Since he was a vet - what more can be done through the VA to help his family and how long could it take to go through (I know it's like wading through molasses.) They need help NOW.

    •  Nothing much.. None of them can find his (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      weck, whatGodmade, glorificus

      DD214.  He moved a lot on his job.  I will have to locate the DD214 and put in for a lot, flag and headstone and that is it because unless disabled..that is about all you get....

      We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

      by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 09:26:17 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  He did (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        whatGodmade, SallyCat, weck, glorificus

        act out and was a kid.  He did a good bit for Tony in the last 15 years but he never even spanked him when he was a kid.  He was a smart man.  He had a drinking problem and that was mostly OUR problem but he was there for Tony.  Especially when he was young and when I had cancer.  He and June took him in and again when Tony was 14.

        We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

        by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 09:29:28 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  By our problem I mean his drinking (0+ / 0-)

          was our problem.  Don't know if he ever got that completely gone.  I  know his wife did not drink but died a painful death.   She married him about 6 years after our divorce and was an old classmate of mine.   I talked to her on the phone up until she passed.  She would call me late at night after chemo.  His story is kinda sad because he and she separated while she was in remission and he agreed to pay all medical costs on her as he had good insurance at the time.   She was kept on insurance, The bottom fell out and a job he had for years went belly up and so did the insurance.  He found another one and she got sick again and with a vengenance and he lost it all..including her.   Yeah I would say this economy and loss of good medical insurance.   Enough that she did not get medicaid and that insurance didn't pay for everything.  

          This is one story I can think of that begs healthcare for all because he did not see a doctor even when his feet started swelling because he could not afford it.  She told me he knew he had an 80 percent blockage two years ago.   I figured he had that taken care of.   Guess not.

          We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

          by Vetwife on Sat Oct 06, 2012 at 03:32:57 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

  •  This is what UVA does,,,it is just this time it's (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    weck, whatGodmade, SallyCat, glorificus

    personal.  I haven't been fundraising like I should have been.   Too much going on at home but I can't forget what I do and I shouldn't forget that when it is personal I should  let that org and folks help.  A veteran, is a veteran.  

    We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

    by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 09:23:12 AM PDT

    •  I know and want to help (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      weck, glorificus, Vetwife

      But I have had my own issues ... still not walking yet and when I get a job interview lined up Joshua (my special needs) ran away and was missing for over an hour ... was found 2 miles away from home ... We just don't have the man power to get help to the vets out there and they really need an advocate with the VA seeming to love misplacing paperwork and digging in it's heels when ever something needs to be done.

  •  Sent a bit and will republish to (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Vetwife, whatGodmade, SallyCat, glorificus

    Community Fundraisers.  I am sorry for the sadness that his death has brought to your family.

    Please donate to Okiciyap food pantry. . If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

    by weck on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 09:31:25 AM PDT

  •  I sent some Vetwife, so sorry the hits keep (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Vetwife, weck

    coming.

    "I believe more women should carry guns. I believe armed women will make the world a better place. Women need to come to think of themselves not as victims but as dangerous." Anna Pigeon

    by glorificus on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 11:17:47 AM PDT

  •  yes and I am so tired.... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    weck

    I was hesitant but feel so bad

    We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

    by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 03:05:57 PM PDT

    •  I am like Michelle that poor old (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      weck

      woman who helped raise him trying to get it together.
      Tony was gonna sell his drums... That is his living feast or famine so I discouraged that.......The sad part is he was dead for hours before found and my son found out by looking on Facebook.   The girls were not that close I guess after their mama died.   His family contacted me and I just fell on the couch and said. " Man....what next?"
      I was disappointed that I had no answers for so many questions about his service other than I knew he got a general discharge ( I hope)  I have not seen the DD214 and that his nephew is serving in Afghanistan.  They had a disagreement back in 2005 0r 6 and he was planning on a reunion of sorts to mend their differences.   I personally think there was some jealousy regarding her kids....+

      We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

      by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 03:33:41 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I am speaking of my son and his Daddy (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        weck

        He walked in here Sunday morning and said, I guess my Daddy is dead.   I then found a message on the computer to call someone and I started calling.   Been on the phone everysince.  Through the years and tears, I thought of Cher when eulogizing Sonny.   I have been a mess.     I know people are broke but I am sending what I can to Aunt Sara.  

        He was given away three times before he was 5.  He was beat as a child before Aunt Sara got into the picture and then his Mama and step dad took him back at around 10.  There are always reasons behind the drink.

        We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

        by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 03:43:33 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  I will say this about him (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    weck

    he thought the world of Jack and really every veteran and always was big buddies with returning vets.  They shot pool, played cards and he stuck by them as they tried to normalize.  He never dodged the draft.  He joined after our divorce and the war was over.  He just kept staying in trouble so I don't know what was or is in that DD214.  I know the MP's picked him up because he went AWOL when Tony got sick as a kid and he came to the hospital without permission from the Army.  

    We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

    by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 03:47:41 PM PDT

  •  Swampyankee I personally want to thank you for (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    weck

    following that facebook memorial for several days.  I noticed.   Those nieces sure seem to remember me don't they?  lol

    We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

    by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 04:42:52 PM PDT

  •  We have 42.00 and that helps..... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    weck

    I will hold this up for awhile and ask some up in Ga to try and get some up..... No one is allowed to fundraise up there except me or Michelle... So ......I gotta think about that...

    We the People have to make a difference and the Change.....Just do it ! Be part of helping us build a veteran community online. United Veterans of America

    by Vetwife on Fri Oct 05, 2012 at 05:56:35 PM PDT

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