I'm a bit of an oddball. I love political phone surveys. If I'm at a relative's or friend's house and caller ID shows a poll, the invariable response is to look at me and announce, "It's for you."
So just now I'm sitting watching The Cycle, yelling at that token Republican with the initials in place of a name. Middle of the day and an "unknown caller" shows up on the ID. Oh, yeah. This is going to be a survey. One from the Twilight Zone.
Here's the gist of the conversation:
Hello, may I speak to a male registered voter in your household?
That would be me, except we do not have voter registration in our state.
Thank you. We are conducting a survey in your area about the upcoming election. We are not selling anything and your responses are completely confidential . . .
Yeah, I understand how political surveys work, so you can skip the intro.
Okay, great. Are you a registered voter?
I just explained that we do not have voter registration in our state. So, no, I am not a registered voter.
That's all the questions we have. Thank you for your time.
Well, wait a minute. That's all the questions you have? Would you have more questions if I were a registered voter?
Yes, but I have to just read the screen.
You said you are conducting a survey in our area. What constitutes our area?
North Dakota.
So you're conducting a survey in North Dakota and you are unaware that North Dakota does not have voter registration?
Sir, I'm calling from Ogden, Utah. So I was unaware that North Dakota does not have voter registration.
You know, let me talk to your supervisor.
(Background I can hear the caller explaining to someone that there are no registered voters in North Dakota.)
(Supervisor comes on the line) May I help you?
I have some questions about your survey.
Okay, go ahead.
I understand you're conducting a survey in North Dakota and the first question is whether the respondent is a registered voter.
That's correct.
But there are no registered voters in North Dakota.
Sir, I understand that you do not have to register to vote in North Dakota.
No, it's not that you do not have to register; it's that you cannot register. There is no voter registration process.
Yes, I understand that.
So if somebody responds that they are not a registered voter, they cannot participate in the survey?
Well, that's how it is set up.
And this particular survey is solely of people in North Dakota?
That is correct.
Well, let me ask you this: Do you get a lot of people who say they are registered voters?
No, when we ask that question, everybody explains that there is no voter registration in North Dakota.
Well, are some people confused and think they are registered voters?
No, I personally have not had one person on this poll tell me that they are a registered voter.
And when they say they are not a registered voter, the survey is over?
Yes, this survey is only for registered voters.
So there is no way I can participate in your survey?
Can I call you back in 15 minutes?
Sure.
Update:
An hour-and-a-half later, I get another call from this outfit, which I find out is called Qantum, if I heard correctly. It's not the supervisor; it's just another survey call.
I let her go through her introductory spiel, and the first question is whether I'm a registered voter. I tell her that there are no registered voters in North Dakota. She asks if I'm a registered voter. I tell her, no, because we do not have voter registration. She says, "That's all the questions we have. Thank you for your time." The following conversation takes place:
Wait, I already explained this to a supervisor, and I was expecting a call back from him.
You explained what?
Are you calling from Ogden?
I'm sorry?
Are you calling from Ogden, Utah?
Yes.
Are you conducting a survey of people in North Dakota?
I don't know. It's my first day and I'm just reading off the screen.
Well, I understand from your supervisor that you are calling people in North Dakota.
Would you like to speak to a supervisor?
Sure.
(Different supervisor, woman instead of a man) Hello, this is a supervisor. May I help you?
I got this call earlier and I spoke to a supervisor and he said he would call me back.
Oh, I apologize that we called you twice.
No, that's not the problem. I wanted you to call me back. I had some issues about your poll.
Oh. What may I help you with?
I understand the survey is of voters in North Dakota?
That's correct.
And I understand that the survey is only of registered voters?
That's correct.
And there are no registered voters in North Dakota.
I understand that.
You don't see the problem?
We are aware of it. It is a programming problem and it was supposed to be fixed today.
Meanwhile somebody is paying you to make these calls?
Well, it was supposed to be fixed.
Are you getting any responses from people who claim to be registered voters?
Well, no. But it was supposed to be fixed by today.
But it wasn't and you're still making the calls and ending after the response it that they're not registered?
Sir, if you would like to take the survey, I'll give you back to the caller.
I took the survey. The caller giggled everytime I answered, "He's a douchebag" instead of "unfavorable" when asked my opinion of Romney, Ryan and Berg.