Transcribed as best as I can for your entertainment. Too funny to miss. Enjoy.
It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, beautiful day for neighbour,
won' t you be mine?
could you be mine?
won't you be, won't you be, please won't you be my neighbour?
Ta Da - won't you be my neighbour?
(sits down and guy polishes Romney's shoes)
Course there's a good chance you already since I own so many homes.
It is a beautiful day.
Thank you Manuel (takes out wallet and gives him some money)
Romney: You see this, it's called a wallet and inside a wallet, well that's where money goes . Now do you know what money is? I'm guessing no because you are watching Public television therefore you don't have cable, therefore you're probably poor. Money is sorta like paper that you can use to buy things that you want like toys or yachts. Now you may be wondering 'where does money come from'? Well it comes from a magical place called 'our parents'.
Knock on door
Romney: Oh there's somebody at the door. I wonder who it could be? (peeks out window) Oh it's a good friend, Mr. Obama.
Obama: Hello Mr. Romney
Romney: Hello Mr. Obama. You remember Mr. Obama right? Last week at the debate Mr. Obama taught us all a new word (shows cue card), CHOKE
So what brings you to the neighbourhood today?
Obama: since my sleepy performance at the debate Mr. Romney, ahh my wife Michelle has insisted that I pick up some new job skills so I'm now a mailman part-time and oh look here 'special delivery', October Jobs Report and the unemployment numbers are down so 'in your face'.
Romney: That's just wonderful (tears up report). Did you know that Mr. Obama is the President of the United States? It's a very important job. You have to make big decisions and you are in charge of a lot of people for 4years………..
Obama: ahhhhh Mr. Romney I think you made a mistake. I think you mean 8 years
Romney: You see kids, Mr. Obama just did something called 'using your imagination'
Obama: actually if you take a look at the polls I think you will see that in a number of key states there are (Romney slams door in Obama's face)
Romney: It's fun to use your imagination. You know I love to have fun and laugh, Ha Ha Ha, but with imagination why a simple piece of string here could be any number of things . It could be……….It could be a piece of twine………..string and twine are fundamentally different things. You know what, this is stupid so ……….. (toot toot) Oh look it's the trolley . It's on the way to the neighbourhood of Make Believe. That's were me and Paul Ryan get most of our facts from. Let's hop aboard, shall we? I think today I will bring my trusty friend Mr. Dog. Hi Mr. Dog, want to go for a trip? You do…Great. (uses his piece of string to tie stuffed dog to top of trolley car). Gotta make sure you tie it good and tight, make sure you are on there alright and off we go.
Romney: Here we are in the neighbourhood of Make Believe. A land full of things that don't exist in the real world. Look there is a talking cat in a treehouse and hey, look over there, it's my tax returns.
Cat: Meow, Meow, Meow. Well hello Mr. Romney
Romney: Hello Henrietta. Now kids don't be alarmed this puppet feline isn't real. Look (turns tree around to expose puppeteer with cat puppet on hand). This is Bill. He is a union worker. You pay him with your tax dollars so that he can crouch down with a sock in his hand and make silly voices. You disgust me.
Well that's all the time we have today on Mr. Romney's neighbourhood but before I go remember that there's only one person in the world that's like you, and that's you and people can like you exactly the way you are but if they don't, then just pretend you are the exact opposite of what you are and then maybe they'll like you.
Puppeteer: Yes but doesn't that undermine your original…….
Romney: Bill, You're Fired
I'll be back next time. Bye Bye