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Okay sort of funny, but not that funny.

If we could hold female, physiology, educational sessions with actual sitting legislators, and they actually listened, that would have happened years ago. But now that sex edu has been replaced with censorship and ignorance-only discussions, we potentially have a whole generation of people who don't know how their own bodies work, or how to practice family planning, and a whole crop of legislators who will allow this to go on, for votes from their base [pun intended].

The problem here is the people who want to control women, have their own information, that stems from a bizarre, religious narrative being promoted in the same fashion as revisionist history, junk science and revisionist social sciences.

The conversation would go something like this:

Avenging Uterus: "I am going to give a clinic in lady parts!"

Senator Penis Haver 1: I don't need a clinic, I read all sorts of books, sent to me for free, from Operation Rescue and the Concerned Women of America. In fact some of those books were autographed by Phyllis Schafely herself!"

Avenging Uterus: "But those aren't credible works by recognized medical professionals, those are misogynistic propaganda being spread by religious extremists!"

Senator Penis Haver 2: "Not according to these self-published authors. Thousands of copies of these books and pamphlets have been distributed, some are even on the shelves in public libraries, and in the hands of public school nurses! These were printed as part of the Abstinence Only program by our federal government, so they must be correct. And besides, if it's good enough for them..."

Avenging Uterus: "But there is no 4th Trimester! Hello, that's why it's measured in threes--as in TRI?"

Senator Penis Haver 1: "Look MS, whatever-your-organ-is, I don't have time for this. It says right here in Joe Barton's 'Big Book of Icky Womerns Parts,' that there is so a 4th Trimester, because Jesus was holding the unborn baby's soul next to your egg shooter just prior to sperminizing. This process begins at your birth, which is why all women are pre-pregnant and all birth control is really abortion."

Avenging Uterus: "For the record, I have two 'egg shooters,' and they are called ovaries! So which one does Jesus stand next to, the left or the right one?"

Senator Penis Haver 2: "Can we get security in here, we can't have this hysterical uterus disrupting our legislative process. She uses such filthy language--she called me an ovary! I don't know what that is, but I am sure it's dirty! Who let her in? In fact, just get all the girls out of the room--the grown-ups need to talk!"

Senator Penis Haver 1: "Now that's over, we can get down to business. We have the following people testifying at this hearing, 2 Bishops, a Nun,  and the Head of our local Chapter of Operation Rescue. The nun counts as a 'woman' right? I mean technically speaking? Oh good. Well carry on then, I just wanted to make sure we had a balanced panel."

Senator Penis Haver 2: "Jeez, where is Todd Akin when we need him!"

Any questions?

The Avenging Uterus by Matt Bors, was originally viewed at TruthOut.

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