Skip to main content

Okay sort of funny, but not that funny.

If we could hold female, physiology, educational sessions with actual sitting legislators, and they actually listened, that would have happened years ago. But now that sex edu has been replaced with censorship and ignorance-only discussions, we potentially have a whole generation of people who don't know how their own bodies work, or how to practice family planning, and a whole crop of legislators who will allow this to go on, for votes from their base [pun intended].

The problem here is the people who want to control women, have their own information, that stems from a bizarre, religious narrative being promoted in the same fashion as revisionist history, junk science and revisionist social sciences.

The conversation would go something like this:

Avenging Uterus: "I am going to give a clinic in lady parts!"

Senator Penis Haver 1: I don't need a clinic, I read all sorts of books, sent to me for free, from Operation Rescue and the Concerned Women of America. In fact some of those books were autographed by Phyllis Schafely herself!"

Avenging Uterus: "But those aren't credible works by recognized medical professionals, those are misogynistic propaganda being spread by religious extremists!"

Senator Penis Haver 2: "Not according to these self-published authors. Thousands of copies of these books and pamphlets have been distributed, some are even on the shelves in public libraries, and in the hands of public school nurses! These were printed as part of the Abstinence Only program by our federal government, so they must be correct. And besides, if it's good enough for them..."

Avenging Uterus: "But there is no 4th Trimester! Hello, that's why it's measured in threes--as in TRI?"

Senator Penis Haver 1: "Look MS, whatever-your-organ-is, I don't have time for this. It says right here in Joe Barton's 'Big Book of Icky Womerns Parts,' that there is so a 4th Trimester, because Jesus was holding the unborn baby's soul next to your egg shooter just prior to sperminizing. This process begins at your birth, which is why all women are pre-pregnant and all birth control is really abortion."

Avenging Uterus: "For the record, I have two 'egg shooters,' and they are called ovaries! So which one does Jesus stand next to, the left or the right one?"

Senator Penis Haver 2: "Can we get security in here, we can't have this hysterical uterus disrupting our legislative process. She uses such filthy language--she called me an ovary! I don't know what that is, but I am sure it's dirty! Who let her in? In fact, just get all the girls out of the room--the grown-ups need to talk!"

Senator Penis Haver 1: "Now that's over, we can get down to business. We have the following people testifying at this hearing, 2 Bishops, a Nun,  and the Head of our local Chapter of Operation Rescue. The nun counts as a 'woman' right? I mean technically speaking? Oh good. Well carry on then, I just wanted to make sure we had a balanced panel."

Senator Penis Haver 2: "Jeez, where is Todd Akin when we need him!"

Any questions?

The Avenging Uterus by Matt Bors, was originally viewed at TruthOut.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site