Dallas, TX - There is hardly a dry eye in the Lone Star as Texas's mascot Big Tex died today. Soon after learning that Rick Perry planned to run for the governor's office again in 2014, Big Tex made the greatest sacrifice by self-immolation during State Fair.
Bystanders watched in horror as the beloved mascot of over 60 years burned like a beacon, warning against another four years of Perry, but there was nothing anyone could do.
"I was getting myself some deep-fried bacon," stated Earl Kirkland of Lufkin, "when I heard Big Tex yell to the crowd 'Howdy Folks, remember my actions today in 2014, or Texas will burn as I' Then he just started waving as the fire engulfed him, saying howdy slower and slower until it was just a guttural howw.... That's when I lost it. Excuse, I think I still have some soot in my eyes."
Though no one expected Big Tex to have such staunch political beliefs, all proper Texans can agree he stood tall for what right about the Lone Star. Some even questioned if those dirty Oklahomans had cross the border and set fire to him, or even if the utter embarrassment of what the Longhorns pulled last Saturday lead him to such extremes.
But deep in the heart of each Texan was the knowledge that the mere prospect of another four years of Rick Perry in the Governor's Mansion lead Big Tex to such selfless actions.
Let's hope Texas never forgets.
RIP Big Tex, 1952 - 2012