Today is my 23rd anniversary. And because I live in Washington state I have the pleasure/pain of voting on my civil rights today. I don't really understand how something so basic as whom I choose to spend my life with has become something that other people get to weigh in on. That's not completely true, intellectually I understand, but emotionally I don't.
I have been with my HUSBAND for 23 years today. And I realized at some point today that I was 23 when we met, so I have now been with the same man for half of my life. And here we are 23 years later waiting to hear whether the people in this state consider ours a legitimate relationship. But it truly bothers me that they get a say at all. It is just wrong. I don't want to vote on your rights any more than I want you voting on mine.
But here we are and so I have spoken to every one I know that they should vote to Approve Referendum 74. I don't need to be married to know that I will spend the rest of my life with my husband (my previous diary on that topic is here if you are interested) but we have learned that there is inherent discrimination in not being married. Years ago when I was struck by a car while riding a bike, my husband had to wait for a shift change to get in to see me in the emergency room because the desk nurse wouldn't allow him in to see me since we weren't married.
And there are constant financial issues. We have to file income taxes as if we were married, but we also must file separately because of DOMA. We also have to pay taxes on the cost of my husbands medical insurance as if it were taxable income. This is quite simply a subtle form of discrimination. While Ref. 74 won't fix that, it will continue to put pressure on the federal government to stop its discrimination.
So I will be watching anxiously on November 6th to see whether we will be "allowed" to be married, but I won't be watching with pride, more with a sense of resignation. Don't get me wrong, I will be thrilled to finally be able to get married. But the idea that it is dependent on others to "approve" will make it bittersweet. I am confident that it will pass and if it does we will have a new anniversary (I'm not waiting until next October to have the ceremony just to keep the same anniversary date), but we will start counting at 23. And hubby has already said yes -- having an anniversary of 12/12/12 has a nice ring to it, don't you think?