In case you were living under a rock this week—or maybe just busy rushing home to make dinner for your family because that's what we ladies are all about, per the Gospel According To Mitt—you missed an awful lot of sexytime talk. Because Republicans cannot stop talking about sex.
First up, we've got non-consensual sex, also known as RAPE. This is the kind of sex Republicans don't really have a problem with because, see, most of the time, it's not really rape anyway, and even when it is rape, that's just God's way of saying, "Hey, lady, I like you. You're special. Here, have some rape and also a rape baby."
What, you think that's a joke? Hyperbole? Exaggeration? Ripped from the pages of The Onion? Alas, no:
Richard Mourdock, the Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate in Indiana, said in a debate on Tuesday that "even when life begins with that horrible situation of rape, that is something that God intended to happen." [...]
"The only exception I have to have an abortion is in that case of the life of the mother," Mourdock said. "I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize that life is that gift from God and I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape that it is something God intended to happen."
Naturally, the Republican menfolk are totally fine with this because of course they are. Like
Mitt Romney, who endorsed Richard Mourdock, but would like you to know he does not agree with Mourdock but still thinks Mourdock should be in the Senate. Besides, this whole ordeal has been
extremely difficult for Mourdock, "professionally" and "emotionally"; in fact, it's made him teary-eyed. Not sure why Mourdock is complaining, since this is obviously God's will, but usually, it's best not to question Republican "logic."
In case you found what Mourdock said offensive, you can stop that now, because John McCain and Rick Santorum said so. Besides, you must conserve your outrage so that you can be much more outraged about this awful, terrible, end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it Obama ad about voting, which is so much worse than rape. (See above re: Republican "logic.")
You see, the problem with the ad is that it features a young white woman—from a wealthy family!—talking about her "first time," and even though she's talking about voting, Republicans know she really means sex, because they see sex in everything, and according to them, sex is only okay when God's forcing a woman to have it against her will. Otherwise, ew. Gross. Icky. Awful. Proof we "live in a fallen, depraved world destined for the fire."
Yes, Republicans are awful. Also, water is wet. Also, you may end up voting for them depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle.
Wait—WHAT?!?!?
Yes. That's right. While Republican men were busy mansplaining when sex is or is not okay, CNN published this astonishing article:
While the campaigns eagerly pursue female voters, there’s something that may raise the chances for both presidential candidates that’s totally out of their control: women’s ovulation cycles.
You read that right. New research suggests that hormones may influence female voting choices differently, depending on whether a woman is single or in a committed relationship.
Are you a single lady with a heavy flow? You just might be feeling extra abortiony and will probably vote for Barack Obama. Unless you're married, in which case, you might not. Who knows? According to the "research":
When women are ovulating, they “feel sexier,” and therefore lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality. Married women have the same hormones firing, but tend to take the opposite viewpoint on these issues[.]
So your period will fire off those feeling-extra-sexy hormones, which will, in combination with your marital status, determine your political ideology. This is very serious science based on very serious research conducted through "an internet survey of 275 women," so you know it's super solid. Even though the third paragraph of CNN's article states:
Please continue reading with caution. Although the study will be published in the peer-reviewed journal Psychological Science, several political scientists who read the study have expressed skepticism about its conclusions.
Too bad the actual staff at CNN somehow missed that paragraph. Naturally, the entire internet went, "What the fucking
fuck?!?!?" So CNN deleted the article because that totally solved everything. The official reason was that "[a]fter further review it was determined that some elements of the story did not meet the editorial standards of CNN." (I know, I know. What? CNN, which keeps Erick Erickson on the payroll, has editorial standards? Since when?) Too bad CNN can't delete the whole internet, though, because the article is still out there, and
I saved the whole thing for you right here. You're welcome.
So, there you have it, ladies and friends of ladies. That's what this election boils down to: a choice between the party that thinks sex is icky, unless it's against your will and makes a baby, and the party that thinks that is all kinds of f'd up, and women better get themselves and their lady parts to the polls double quick to vote like their freedom depends on it (because, duh, it does), which the previously mentioned sex-is-icky party thinks is f'd up because voting is even ickier than sex, especially when women do it. And that's why they're waging a War on Women to strip women of their rights so that big strong Republican men can make their decisions for them.
And then there's the "science" that says it's not even up to you; it's up to your period.
Whether you're single, married or menstruating, you know what we have to do. We have to send more, better women to Congress. Please give $3 to each of our Daily Kos-endorsed women candidates for the House and Senate to fight back against the Republicans' War on Women.
This week's good, bad and ugly below the fold.
- You must read this:
I reported my rape to the college and was forced to go to "mediation" with my assaulters. The college-appointed therapist sent me to a “crisis pregnancy center,” rather than Planned Parenthood. The center tried every tactic to get me to keep the child that I could not bear to have. They even argued that since the father (my rapist!) was also white, people would hurry to adopt my white baby. It was bizarre, obviously racist, and deeply traumatizing.
- In case there was any doubt, Republicans really don't like equal pay for women:
Mitt Romney’s campaign won’t say if the GOP presidential candidate would have signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act into law, but on Sunday Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) — a top campaign surrogate — disparaged the measure as a giveaway to trail lawyers.
- No, seriously, they really don't like equal pay for women.
- And yes, the wage gap is real:
A year after they have stepped out of their commencement robes, college-educated women are on average already making $7,600 less each year than their male counterparts, a new report concludes. That amounts to 82 cents on the dollar.
- Congratulations, Texas. You've won the right to deny health care to women because it's super lifey:
A federal appeals court declined on Thursday to reconsider a ruling that would allow Texas to withhold funding for women's healthcare from Planned Parenthood's clinics because the organization also performs abortions.
Texas Governor Rick Perry said after the order by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit in New Orleans that the state would immediately stop paying program participants that are affiliates of abortion providers.
- Remember, in New York, cops have the right to rape you in your own home as long as they were just "goofing off on the job."
- And in Pennsylvania, if you can't prove you were raped, well, you can just starve:
A Pennsylvania House bill seeks to limit the amount of TANF assistance that low-income women receive based on the amount of children they give birth to while covered under the program. [...]
If a woman gives birth to a child who was conceived from rape, she may seek an exception to this rule so that her welfare benefits aren’t slashed, but only if she can provide proof that she reported her sexual assault and her abuser’s identity to the police[.]
- USA! USA! We're No.
1 22!:
But how does the United States stack up against other countries when it comes to said gender equality? According to the 2012 Global Gender Gap Report, released on October 23rd by the World Economic Forum, we're only 22nd best.
- Do normal computers hurt your ladybrain? Maybe you need the Floral Kiss. You can even get it in "Feminine Pink."
- Laugh or cry, take your pick. I vote laugh:
Now go forth, sluts, and raise hell. And donate like your lady parts freedom depends on it. Because it does.