The RNC just announced that its series of Presidential Debates for the 2016 nomination will kick off next Friday November 16, 2012. The first Debate will be held at the San Felipe Castle in Old San Juan Puerto Rico, in order to appeal to Hispanics and to highlight the need for an increased defense budget. They intend to debete Puerto Rican Statehood, and show need for new defence for PR and the need for 200 new Navy ships.
RNC chair Reince Preibus stated "We need to kick off our "Save the Hispanics for the GOP" campaign. We will have the debate and pass out Puerto Rican rum with little umbrellas and play Julio Iglesias songs. After all this is the new "Real America". Our slate of candidates will include Newt Gingrich, Jan Brewer, Joe Arpaio, Ted Cruz, and the "Little Brown One" George Prescott Garnica Bush. We need new Hispanic blood.
We need Puerto Rico as a state, because where else are we going to put all the illegal Mexicans that Obama is going to legalize? We certainly don't want them flipping red states, like Texas, Mississippi, Florida, and Virginia... Oh wait... scratch Virginia off that list... and I guess Florida wouldn't be on that list either.
When asked why the old castle, the RNC chair stated that: : We want to highlight how poorly the Obama adminsitration has neglected the Defense budget, just look at these cannons, they certainly could use an upgrade.
Besides this is the perfect port to launch our assault on Cuba, that is why we need 200 new ships. Fidel is about done in, and his brother Fred, or is it Raul? ... well anyway Cuba just wants an excuse to become the 52nd state, our sources are telling us. Their polls are being unscewed, and they really want the Bautista Govenment in Exile, INC. back running things.
Just look at all the advantages; Mr Limbaugh won't need to smuggle in his oxycontin or cigars anymore, many new locations for McDonalds, which are very popular with Hispanics, I'm told, it will be a great boost for American Culture. Mssrs. Hilton and Marriot have been lobbying for this.
Asked why they are debating so soon after the election, The RNC Director claimed that " well, after our defeat at the polls Tuesday, we have seen that the debetes weren't enough last time, and this way we get a jump on Project Hispanic Panic(tm), as we call it, which will be chaired by our highly qualified Rep. from Florida Allen West, and inside polling tells us that the recount WILL keep him in office, where he we be well postioned to reach out to the Hispanic voter.
Part two of Hispanic Panic will be signing up all "Illegal" Mexicants, ... I mean Mexicans coming over the border to GOP membership as a way of helping them on their treck and aculturizing them to American life. We will include in a gift bag as they step out of the Rio Grande, a tea bag, two "Yo estoy conn Mitt" buttons, a card with Sherriff Arpaios cell phone number, and a CD of Julio Iglesias songs in English, so they can get a jump on their language skills.
This is the new day for the GOP, and it's name is Sanchez, said Mr Preibus. Tune in on FOX.