In the wake of another spectacular electoral loss, Republicans are now wildly grasping at straws in an attempt to figure out who or what is to blame. Compiled herein is a list of the most popularly cited reasons among the party faithful.
(Note: this is by no means a comprehensive list, so feel free to add to it.)
-Inability to appoint Scott Rasmussen Secretary of State of Ohio
-Really banking on late-breaking undecided voters, who all ended up staying home because they couldn't decide between Cheerios and a box of cat turds for breakfast
-Something something ACORN maybe? People still fall for that shit, right?
-Eyes, hearts insufficiently clear, full, respectively
-Popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey led campaign strategists to believe voters would respond positively to outright abuse
-American political system historically biased against wealthy white males
-Internal polling algorithms had not been updated since passage of Three-Fifths Compromise
-Women, am I right guys? Probably all on their periods or something. Also, what's the deal with airline food?
-Nate Silver seems kinda gay
-Activist judges stubbornly continue to uphold 24th Amendment
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