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2012 Electoral College map
Shocking to no one–except Republicans.
Poor, poor Republicans. They were so certain of their unskewed, non-gay math, and they're still reeling from the devastation of the completely predicted but nonetheless shocking to them defeat on Election Day. Like poor Beth Cox, a hardcore Romney campaign volunteer who was dumb enough to write "Victory Day!!" on her calendar:
She had devoted her life to causes she believed were at the heart of her faith and at the core of her Republican Party. She counseled young married families at church, spoke about right to life in area schools and became a stay-at-home mom with two daughters.

Now, in a single election night, parts of her country had legalized marijuana, approved gay marriage and resoundingly reelected a president who she worried would “accelerate our decline.”

Bless her little twisted Republican heart—she really believed Mitt Romney was going to save her from the eeeeeeeevil President Barack Obama. After all, her favorite sources of propaganda-as-news had told her he would. That's how she knew Romney's victory was all but certain; after all, she'd unskewed the numbers herself:
She turned on her computer and pulled up an electoral map that she had filled out a few days before the election. She had predicted the outcome twice — once coming up with a narrow Romney win and once more with a blowout.

Florida: red.

Colorado: red.

Virginia, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin: all red. [...]

Romney’s thorough defeat had come more as a shock than as a disappointment, and now Cox stared at the actual results on her computer and tried to imagine what the majority of her country believed.

“Virginia went blue? Really?” she said. “Southern-values Virginia?”

“And Colorado? Who the heck is living in Colorado? Do they want drugs, dependency, indulgence? Don’t they remember what this country is about?”

Cox, who is "not naïve" and "not ignorant," according to Cox, has some deep insights as to why her map didn't exactly pan out, and hopes that the party will stop being so white, stop saying crazy things about rape, and will "never again run a presidential ticket without including a woman or a minority." And since the party is pretty much all white and all male, that will totally happen. Especially if Cox is willing to set aside her "volunteering, her scrapbooking" and her "Godly life" to run for state office, as her fellow Tennessee Republicans have encouraged her to do because her kind of stupid is exactly what the party is looking for, apparently. (Come on, Beth, of course scrapbooking is really important to the fate of the nation, but your country and your party need you right now!)

And that seems like the right direction for the Republican Party to take. After the "shell-shocking" shellacking the party took on Election Day, and the so-called soul-searching it must now force upon itself to figure out why the GOP vision of America was rejected, finding more candidates like Cox—who think math has a liberal bias, Fox "News" is the best source of information, and someone had better step up and do something to save America from the gays and pot-smokers before it's too late—is definitely the best way for the party to change course and start winning back all those Americans it lost this time around.

Yeah, Republicans. Go with that.

Originally posted to Kaili Joy Gray on Mon Nov 12, 2012 at 08:45 AM PST.

Also republished by Three Star Kossacks and Daily Kos.

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