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You've probably all heard about how a bunch of treasonous Confederate-wannabees are signing secession petitions on the White House "We the people" petition site.

I'm pleased to report that trolls have now been striking back with a vengeance.

First, one you should all sign.

Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.

Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.

Also sign the one I just created about Biden and The Onion

Others:

Peacefully grant the University of Illinois Chief Illiniwek back as the school mascot

Chief Illiniwek was a symbol of the University of Illinois, and gave recognition to the Native American tribes of Illinois. Getting rid of this mascot is erasing a heroic and symbolic figure of utmost importance to Illinois history.
Austin seceding from TExas
Peacefully grant the city of Austin Texas to withdraw from the state of Texas & remain part of the United States.

Austin Texas continues to suffer difficulties stemming from the lack of civil, religious, and political freedoms imposed upon the city by less liberally minded Texans. It is entirely feasible for Austin to operate as its own state, within the United States, in the event that Texas is successful in the current bid to secede. It is important for Austin to remain in the union as to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers.

We would also like to annex Dublin Texas, Lockhart Texas, & Shiner Texas.

Justice for Missouri Secession
Peacefully grant the remaining United States of America a Pizza Party furnished by Pizza Hut and Papa Johns (unless he keeps laying off his workers) should the State of Missouri succeed with one or both of their petitions to the White House to Secede from the Union.

As remaining loyal citizens of America, and to shove it in Missourians faces once they aren't a part of the US any longer, a Nationwide Pizza Party would reconcile differences, mend old wounds and bring together the nation.

Fark Party
have the President to attend a Fark.com party. If scheduling does not permit, at least have a beer with Drew Curtis

Too many serious petitions on this site asking the President to work his butt off. We believe that he should have a chance to have a good time.

Poll

Onion Joe Biden? Great VP or Greatest VP?

23%26 votes
74%82 votes

| 110 votes | Vote | Results

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Comment Preferences

  •  Um why does the petition refer to President Biden? (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Ray Radlein, ItsaMathJoke, HeyMikey

    I mean, he's a clean-living guy, but he's still the Vice.

  •  As usual, satire is a powerful tool...n/t (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Cedwyn, nellgwen, MikePhoenix

    "In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward mobile..." - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

    by Jack K on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 08:24:56 PM PST

  •  When Texas leaves Austin can be like West Berlin (5+ / 0-)

    They can build a wall around it.

    "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty (Mittens, Paul Ryan, Scotty Walker, Limbaugh, pick your favorite) said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."

    by Eman on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 08:25:32 PM PST

  •  My (Nonexistent) Petition, in Full: (10+ / 0-)
    Fuck austerity. No, really.


    "I play a street-wise pimp" — Al Gore

    by Ray Radlein on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 08:44:50 PM PST

  •  Someone should put up a petition (4+ / 0-)

    asking that Texas be renamed the Republikkk of Biznitch and have pi electoral votes.

    "They fear this man. They know he will see farther than they, and he will bind them with ancient logics." -The stoner guy in The Cabin in the Woods

    by Troubadour on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 08:49:14 PM PST

  •  My suggestion for a petition: (10+ / 0-)
    Be it resolved that the State of Texas is hereby renamed the Republikkk of Ignorant Biznitch, and the federal taxes of its wealthiest residents should be increased to 90% until it repays America for the cost of 8 years of George W. Bush.

    "They fear this man. They know he will see farther than they, and he will bind them with ancient logics." -The stoner guy in The Cabin in the Woods

    by Troubadour on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 08:53:24 PM PST

  •  Dammit. The system doesn't show a post (0+ / 0-)

    until you give up on it and post another, then it shows that you double-posted.  

    "They fear this man. They know he will see farther than they, and he will bind them with ancient logics." -The stoner guy in The Cabin in the Woods

    by Troubadour on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 08:54:38 PM PST

  •  My petition... (4+ / 0-)

    Peacefully declare all laps in the United States "Pootiestan", autonomous feline territory.

    "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win". Mohandas K. Gandhi

    by DaveinBremerton on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 09:05:40 PM PST

  •  FUCK NOOOOO (7+ / 0-)

    We finally got rid of the stupid chief, just drop it!

    "The president was elected on the basis that he was not Romney and that Romney was a poopy-head and you should vote against Romney" -Grover Norquist

    by Wolfox on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 09:16:59 PM PST

  •  Chief Illiniwek, dressed in Sioux (Oglala)... (13+ / 0-)

    ...regalia, gave "recognition" to Illinois Indians how?

    I will wager $50 that not one U of I student in 5,000 chanting "Chief! Chief!" at football games knows the name of a single one of the 20 or so Indian tribes that this mascot supposedly gave recognition to.

    Or that the descendants of the Indians who once lived on the land where the university stands are residents of Oklahoma, in consequence of war and pressure by white settlers. Tribal lands in Oklahoma were allotted to individuals by the Dawes Act of 1887. By the time World War I started, not a single acre of commonly held tribal land remained. The tribe's sovereign relationship with the federal government was "terminated" in 1959 and not restored until 1978.

    But, of course, that's not as exciting as watching an Illinois "Indian" dressed in Sioux regalia dancing a non-Indian dance while students chant "Chief!"

    Don't tell me what you believe, show me what you do and I will tell you what you believe.

    by Meteor Blades on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 10:20:07 PM PST

    •  we should deport anyone who signs that shit (9+ / 0-)

      put them in a covered wagon and shove them back into the ocean

      America could have chosen to be the worlds doctor, or grocer. We choose instead to be her policeman. pity

      by cacamp on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 10:36:44 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  My son went to UI but he would have been the one (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Kitsap River

      He also studied Native American cultures while at UF and sang at pow wows with OA and FIHA.  He was email friends with some of the guys on the Yellow Hammer drum for many years.  Several great drum / singing teams come to Florida every year for the big Seminole pow-wow.  All of his RAVS work (Remote Area Veterinary Services) was done on the reservations in North Dakota (and he was very honored to be invited to a pow-wow one summer after he took care of several dogs and cats that belonged to one of their singers and they struck up a conversation about singing styles).  He's always interested in talking to just about anybody that sings or dances, whether it is northern culture or southern culture and he had a particular interest in the Ponca.  

      He never agreed with how the Chief was portrayed at UI and was one of the few students who didn't protest when they had to discontinue using the Chief.  He would have liked to have had a symbol that actually gave recognition to the cultures that lived in Illinois before the westward movement by settlers forced them south to reservations.  He always thought it was stupid that UI thought the "Illinois tribes" were "not as interesting as the Sioux" so they "borrowed" Sioux clothing and dance "styles" for their mascot.  But it's not all about fancy dancing, at all.  

      The NCAA has it right with UI, either work with the tribal culture that you purport to represent or stop faking it.  If you can't do it correctly, honorably and respectfully, what's the point?  

      The FSU Seminoles fared better, they actually work with the Seminole Tribe of Florida and have their permission to use Seminole as their emblem, but if I recall, they also had several issues to work out because of the ruling, before they were allowed to keep their symbols and mascot.  

      "Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential." - Barack Obama

      by Ricochet67 on Wed Nov 14, 2012 at 10:11:22 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  I AM a Seminole. The tribe did not... (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        navajo, Ricochet67

        ...have a vote on the issue, but the tribal majority do, in fact, support the Osceola character at FSU. This came about after long talks regarding the noxious stereotypes used up until the '70s. There is a close relationship between the tribe and the university. Nonetheless, some members object to the use of "Osceola" as the FSU symbol, partly for historical reasons. But at least in the case of FSU, unlike other schools, university authorities and tribal leaders came to an agreement about what is and is not respectful and the NCAA gave them a waiver from its general prohibition of such symbols, nicknames and mascots. Personally, I still oppose the depiction.

        Don't tell me what you believe, show me what you do and I will tell you what you believe.

        by Meteor Blades on Wed Nov 14, 2012 at 11:38:58 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  Thanks, Meteor Blades (0+ / 0-)

          I think sometimes we forget when we read "The Seminole Tribe of Florida" in the newspaper, that it doesn't always mean all of the people, it probably means the leadership.  

          Too many Floridians think the Seminoles and Miccosukees  are all about air boats, casinos and alligator wrestling.  They don't know their own state's history at all and too many people lump all the Native people into one group - they can't tell the plains from the woodlands and all the subtle differences between the various native peoples.  Too many old westerns and stereotypes, for sure.  

          If nothing else, the NCAA matter brought some attention to the ignorance of schools, teams (and the public) who just randomly picked an "Indian" as their symbol or mascot without knowing anything about them.  

          If they can't show respect and educate their own students who were protesting the NCAA prohibition, then the schools need to adopt other kinds of mascots.  

          Had to go look it up, because I was curious about the colleges and their names - I know FSU was founded in 1851 (although its origins go back to the 1820s), football started in 1899, but they apparently didn't pick the name "Seminoles" until 1947.  UF, on the other hand, was founded in 1853, football started in 1906 and by 1912 they were calling themselves "Gators."  I wasn't sure why FSU waited so long to choose a name for their team and I don't know if, in 1947, they actually even talked to anybody affiliated with the Seminole Tribe in either Florida or Oklahoma back then.  

          But the timing for choosing the name was because originally, the FSU men were sent to Gainesville, when FSU became a woman's college called Florida State College around 1905 (originally they were both seminaries).  So the FSU team was part of the original Gators.  But when FSU opened up to men again after WWII and re-started their football team back in Tallahassee, that's when they picked the name "Seminoles."  

          I guess that's because Florida was pretty much famous for only a few things back then - alligators and the Seminoles (and beaches, hurricanes and palm trees).  So I learned something new today - at least about the history of our two oldest state colleges.  :)

          My folks moved to Miami in 1947 - I look at their old pictures and I see nothing but sand, sticker bushes, pine lands, mangroves, palm trees and swampy areas in the background whenever they took relatives around to see "the sights."  Back then Tamiami Trail was just finishing part of its construction on the Dade County end and Alligator Alley was 20 years in the future.  US 1 and US 27 were the only way to go north and get out of the state.  I look at those pictures and I look at it now and I think "what the hell have we done to this place?"  All the pretty places I remember walking in and exploring as a kid, are gone, paved over, dug up, built up.  The Everglades has almost been "managed" out of existence.  The Biscayne aquifer is drying up.  I never go to the beach.  

          We just don't show any respect for the land, the water,  the woods, or those that live in those places, any more.  

          "Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential." - Barack Obama

          by Ricochet67 on Thu Nov 15, 2012 at 08:00:03 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  Half the state will be underwater in... (0+ / 0-)

            ...50-100 years. I guess that will make people pay a bit more attention to respecting their surroundings. Or maybe not.

            Don't tell me what you believe, show me what you do and I will tell you what you believe.

            by Meteor Blades on Fri Nov 16, 2012 at 04:11:43 PM PST

            [ Parent ]

  •  onion's articles on biden are fantastic. (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    James Allen, MikePhoenix

    very good idea to mention them.

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Accepting his renomination at the Democratic National Convention on Thursday, Vice President Joe Biden countered recent Republican criticisms by asserting that most Americans were indeed better off than they were four years ago, but he acknowledged that life still paled in comparison to that one “killer fucking” summer in 1987.

    Dressed in a slightly ripped Lynyrd Skynyrd T-shirt, Biden tapped the top of an Icehouse tallboy, cracked it open, and then informed the 20,000 people in attendance that while the economy is no longer hemorrhaging jobs as it was in 2008, nothing, “not even that little trip I took to Thailand in ’92,” could ever live up to the unforgettable months of June through August 1987, when “the skirts were short, the brews were cold, and you couldn’t walk 2 feet without stepping into some grade-A tang.”

  •  WTF is wrong with you? AGAIN. Haven't you learned (13+ / 0-)

    anything from me?

    DO NOT PROMOTE THIS SHIT:

    Peacefully grant the University of Illinois Chief Illiniwek back as the school mascot

    Chief Illiniwek was a symbol of the University of Illinois, and gave recognition to the Native American tribes of Illinois. Getting rid of this mascot is erasing a heroic and symbolic figure of utmost importance to Illinois history.

    This is an example of what we are trying to beat back. Stereotyping our culture and misappropriating symbols of our tribes.

    This is wrong on so many levels.

    You need to remove that from your diary. I don't want to see any more signatures on that dreadful petition.

    And if you don't understand I'm happy to supply you with multiple links to essays by MB on this very subject.

  •  will people knock it off please (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    WakeUpNeo, wasatch, Wee Mama, navajo

    If the President's petition website is to have value, for the administration AND for the people, let's stick to real issues. How are either served by having to weed our way thru the crap.
    Please just knock it off.
    There's a whole big world wide web to make fun of the wingnuts on.
    Someone has to read thru all the garbage you know.
    Just knock it off eh?

    Geez, I thought liberals were the smart ones.

  •  Chief Illiniweck? WTF! (9+ / 0-)

    I have one question about your petition. Are you out of your mind?

    That mockery is offensive to Indians, and Indians, including my sister, have written a great deal about that here on Daily Kos, in diaries that usually stay on the rec list for a good, long time. There is little chance you could have missed every single one of them if you're at all interested in what Indians think about Illiniweck, at least, not if you've been here a while. You've been here for years.

    Please, for the love of all that's sacred, take down your petition, take it out of your diary, and apologize profoundly to those you have offended. It's the very least you can do.

    Organ donors save lives! A donor's kidney gave me my life back on 02/18/11; he lives on in me. Please talk with your family about your wish to donate.

    Why are war casualty counts "American troops" and "others" but never "human beings"?

    by Kitsap River on Wed Nov 14, 2012 at 03:25:04 AM PST

    •  I SECOND THAT (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Aji, Maverick80229, navajo, Kitsap River

      What the FUCK were you thinking? After all we've written about UND getting rid of its mascot, after the NCAA has CONDEMNED it, you come up with THIS BULLSHIT????

      Come on, you're better than that

      Helping a food pantry on the Cheyenne River Reservation,Okiciyap." >www.okiciyap.yolasite.com<"

      by betson08 on Wed Nov 14, 2012 at 06:19:50 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

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