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Senate Republicans announced that they would be seeking the  impeachment of President Obama beginning in January. A number of House members also expressed outrage at learning that the President is both Black AND left-handed.

Sen. McConnell: I think it is outrageous that he lied to the American people for so long. Had we known in advance, had the innocent American people known in advance that he was a black man, there is no way that he would have been elected, much less re-elected. Not only is this an outrage, it simply cannot go on without us acting. The American people deserve it.

Rep. Cantor: I am shocked, I tell you, shocked! If the president thought that he could keep this a secret, he has another thing coming. It is incumbent on all patriotic Americans to stand up to this outrage, this crime, this FRAUD against the good god fearing people of this Country!

Michelle Bachmann: It is well known that left handed people have been touched by the devil. That is the unclean hand, and only those with evil in their hearts will use it. I pray to god for deliverance from this monster, this liar. I might forgive his skin color (which he also lied about repeatedly!) especially because Marcus and I adopted 47 children over the years, and 6 of them were of color, too! In fact, one of my best friends is a colored person! But a president? AND LEFT HANDED? This is a disgrace that simply cannot stand.

Sarah Palin: We always knew that there was something wrong about him. NOw we know what it was. Also. and also, because, with our god fearing nation being a country of right thinking and right-handed persons, it is clear what we think when you consider, and also, the fact that as a nation left handers are plotting against our god-blessed majority. And Ronald Reagan! No wonder he refuses to cut taxes, because only a left handed black person and also would not, therefore, impeachment is the only solution to save our nation!

Rick Perry:  . . . . .  Oops.

Rence Preibus: It shocks the conscious of this country. It was bad enough that so many of them voted, probably illegally, - you know the urban vote is always questionable - but the fact that they voted for him? I cannot imagine an America where that would or could have happened, not without rampant voter fraud, or as likely, fraud on the part of Mr. Obama. I hope the FBI starts investigating this, and soon. And I applaud members of congress that are taking the next logical step - impeachment. We have to save our nation, and impeachment is our only choice.

Sen. McConnell: I think he should just resign. Look at how he has divided the country, what with his policies, his partisan approach to leadership, his unwarranted attacks on innocent republicans. Maybe his color has something to do with Benghazi, i don't know, but I think we should look into it. I fully intend to support any impeachment move that our leadership might consider. And left handed to boot. Hey, you! GET OFF MY LAWN! Damn punks.

Rick Perry, take 2: There are three reasons why I support impeachment. First. . . . hmm.

Rep. Boehner: This is an outrage. No one in the country ever suspected this. I frankly think we should have a mulligan on the election. Had people been fully aware . . hic. . . of his shkin color, I don't think that anyone would have voted for him. Clearly the mood of the people is to shupport impeachment. And we have our job ahead of us.

Sen Reid: I find it curious that half of the GOP senators who support impeachment happen to be left handed. I will do everything in my power to prevent impeachment on that basis.

Rick Perry, take 3: Okay, I got this now. Er. . . . there are two, no, three  . . . what were we talking about?


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