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Baby in bloomers and beads reflected in mirror
You, missy, need to take a long hard look
in that mirror and ask yourself
how you've ruined men.
Dear men,

We women owe you an apology. Boy, do we ever. You see, according to Suzanne Venker, self-appointed expert on why women suck and the niece of Phyllis "Yes, she's still alive" Schlafly, so you know that she knows what she's talking about, you are all unmarriageable slackers because of us, because of what we women have done to you. Venker has talked to lots of men and women over the years, and she's discovered the cold hard truth:

And in doing so, I’ve accidentally stumbled upon a subculture of men who’ve told me, in no uncertain terms, that they’re never getting married. When I ask them why, the answer is always the same.

Women aren’t women anymore.

And ain't that the truth? Sure, women used to be women, but even since our entire species was genetically modified through the ratification of the 19th Amendment, passage of a few equal pay laws, plus the availability of birth control, well, shucks, we just aren't women anymore. We are Not-Women. And we can hardly blame you men for not wanting to marry Not-Women, right?

But it gets worse. Not only are we Not-Women now, but:

In a nutshell, women are angry. They’re also defensive, though often unknowingly. That’s because they’ve been raised to think of men as the enemy. Armed with this new attitude, women pushed men off their pedestal (women had their own pedestal, but feminists convinced them otherwise) and climbed up to take what they were taught to believe was rightfully theirs.

Now the men have nowhere to go.

As we learned in feminism indoctrination class back in kindergarten, between coloring and nap time, you are the enemy and we must destroy you so we can take what is rightfully ours—those 25 percent smaller paychecks, for example, or the visits to our doctors that must be pre-approved by woman-hating men in Congress. That's our right, and we have so taken it from you with our feminism and our anger! No wonder you don't want to marry us!

The worst part, of course, is what we've done to you with our feminism and our pedestal-knocking and whatnot. We've destroyed your once-manly manhood, so now you're pretty much worthless to everyone:

Contrary to what feminists like Hanna Rosin, author of The End of Men, say, the so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off. It has also undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them.
Yes, it's obvious that you don't feel even remotely threatened by our success. No, it just makes you angry, and then you're so focused on your not-threatened-but-just-angry anger that you can't, like, go to work and do your jobs and earn a paycheck and provide for yourselves and your families because that's how pissed off damned broads have made you! Shame on us!

Not that you men should be angry, because even though it has turned you into super pissed off and also worthless unpedestaled slackers, feminism actually works out great for you:

Feminism serves men very well: they can have sex at hello and even live with their girlfriends with no responsibilities whatsoever.
See? You get to have all the sex you want without any responsibilities. If only you could focus on that, instead of how pissed off you are that chicks have jobs. But alas.
So if men today are slackers, and if they’re retreating from marriage en masse, women should look in the mirror and ask themselves what role they’ve played to bring about this transformation.
It all makes perfect sense now. You're not a loser who lives with his parents, pays for gas with the spare change found on the floor of your car, and doesn't want to have a real job because that's just conforming to The Man. Well, maybe you are, but it's not your fault. It's our fault. We lousy Not-Women, with our careers and our ability to buy groceries on a regular basis—we did this to you.

But at least we ladies need not despair. Just because we've evolved into Not-Women who can turn otherwise useful and productive male members of society into hopelessly pathetic unmarriageable slackers doesn't mean we can't fix it:

Fortunately, there is good news: women have the power to turn everything around. All they have to do is surrender to their nature – their femininity – and let men surrender to theirs.

If they do, marriageable men will come out of the woodwork.

So, men, yes. It is all our fault that you suck. But we're going to take a long hard look in the mirror to think about how much we suck for making you suck. And we'll try to start sucking a little bit more, so that you can look like you suck a little bit less, and then maybe, if we're all really lucky and do our gender-defined roles just right, we can go back to a time when you men felt free to sit atop your pedestals, looking down on us and deigning to marry us because that, of course, is the way the world should be.

With sincerest apologies,
Women

Originally posted to Kaili Joy Gray on Mon Nov 26, 2012 at 08:26 AM PST.

Also republished by Sluts and Daily Kos.

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