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Carl_Heinrich_Bloch_-_Consolator
Honestly? It's just a matter of politeness. Some people don't celebrate my birthday, and I try not to make anyone feel uncomfortable about it. I'm like that.

Plus, there are - and I am not exaggerating - a lot of Jewish people in my family. I spent my whole life with them, and yeah, they don't really approve of my career as the Messiah. But families are always like that. You think I want folks celebrating my birthday by taking an entire month to turn America into a sparkly, glowing Gentilepalooza, and making everyone I'm related to feel isolated and weird? Seriously, what kind of massive douche would that make me? If your idea of celebrating my season is making an elderly Wal-Mart greeter offend a few hundred cousins of mine, you just have no idea who I am or what I want.

"Happy holidays," is sincere, accurate, and warm-hearted. What's wrong with it? If you know the other guy worships Me, go ahead, wish him a Merry Christmas. Get crazy with the eggnog, go to midnight service... Stash a mini-manger in every room, if you like. But why would anyone want to put pressure on some big box store to make their signage more Christian? Like the reason I came down here was so I could get wall space at Target.

Look, none of this is really about celebrating Me at all. It's to show that you're a member of a club, and that club has economic and political power. Well, leave Me out of it. I was offered that sort of deal, you know. I had a whole conversation on top of a mountain with someone, and that's exactly what he put on the table. I turned it down. So should you.

Remember: It's My day, not Rupert Murdoch's. You don't want to end up where he's going.

(NOTE: If you like my humor, check out my book about love, loss, and cat-sitting. Kindle and Nook versions available.)

Originally posted to www.goblinbooks.com on Tue Nov 27, 2012 at 06:08 AM PST.

Also republished by Street Prophets .

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