Another thing I won't miss now that corporate America has tossed me onto the scrap-heap: executives behaving badly. Let's give these folks the benefit of the doubt and assume that they started out like the rest of us, rather than being spawned in a cauldron of pure evil. Somewhere along the line, they got the sense that the rules of personal and professional integrity were just guidelines, and that those guidelines were intended for lesser people... people like the employees who - without constant monitoring - would surely take down the entire company with their evil doings.
As one of my professors used to say:
"Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men."
Based on their malfeasance, some of our VPs appear to have been very, very wise men indeed. If awards were given for
Most Egregious Behavior, we'd need to break it down by category.
Financial Shenanigans
When a company rewards VP performance based solely on numbers, you'd better watch how - not just whether - those numbers are attained. If a VP's bonus - which can be on the order of half their annual salary or more - depends on meeting some financial metrics, the game is on. Whatever it takes: recognizing revenue before it hits the books; moving orders between financial quarters, pressuring staff to falsify time cards, stiffing vendors to boost profits, or burying profit-draining bad news, financial shenanigans are so commonplace that they're hardly even noteworthy in some organizations. Outstanding performance in this category goes to those VPs who can sustain this sort of malfeasance quarter after quarter without detection... or without consequence, anyway.
Insider Information Abuse
VPs get to find out some very useful things in the course of their work, and some can't resist using that information to advance themselves within and beyond their organization. While garden variety insider trading hardly raises an eyebrow anymore, those who excel in this category will use their wiles to fix bids, collude with competitors, put the screws to teaming partners, propogate rumors in the marketplace, and position themselves to emerge as a winner no matter the carnage they leave in their wake.
Hidden Factories
In any corporation, things go wrong; and customers wind up with a bad product or bad service experience. While a forthright manager would rectify the problem (including informing the customer and working with them to fix the problem) and ensure that the lessons learned were disseminated to prevent repeat problems, some VPs will go to any length to cover up both the problem and the fix. This includes intimidating the workers to put in extra hours - undocumented and unpaid - to redo the work (if papering over the problem won't fool the customer).
Workplace Intimidation
Bullying takes many forms, and VPs who excel in this category know just how far they can push people without HR or the workers (or their attorneys) can do a damn thing about it. While some VPs are known as tyrants, terrorizing everyone in their drainage basin, the winners here are those who "manage up", convincing the executives that they're effective people managers, while "intimidating down" and keeping the workers in a perpetual state of dread. Passive-aggressive VPs have a real edge here, but others can be strong contenders. In a tough economy, workers will endure a great deal just to hold onto a job, even if their life at work is a living hell. VPs who can exploit this sad truth can do very, very well.
Sexual Faux Pas
Winners in this category have rejected the blatant Herman Cain-like groping or quid-pro-quo offers and used their power to have their way with subordinates and convince the world that its a consensual relationship. A relationship to which the VP is entitled because of their status in the organization... and the subordinate's entrapment in a job that they really need for the pay and benefits. While truly consensual relationships occur in many organizations, it's never in good tast to flaunt them, or to use them for professional leverage. Some of our contenders have elevated their dalliances to an art form, surprising in this electronic age when their every text message could later be discoverable.
Expense Extravagance
Corporate travel is exhausting, and those with VP status can enjoy the comfort and splendor that the little people can only dream about. They can order that $200 bottle of wine for a dinner with a client. They can stay in the lavish suite at the posh hotel, while their employees grovel to the accounting department for reimbursement of their stay at the Red Roof Inn. VPs needn't worry about all those pesky customer ethics policies that forbid them to accept gifts or meals. They also know that foreign travel offers plenty of chances to throw money around to advance their agenda. They're not off by the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act; they just leave all that for the accounting and legal folks to sort out. When in doubt, spend. It's all reimbursable; it's all good.
Abuse of Trust
Sometimes, VPs forget that there are boundaries at work, and that those boundaries are there for a reason. When the boss insists that you go skiing with them for the weekend or buys you a ticket to a NASCAR event, with the intent that you'll drive them there and back so they can drink like a fish. When the boss asks you to pick up fireworks and drive them [illegally] across state lines for their family party. When the boss has you running errands while you should be working on company business. While these breaches of workplace trust might seem inconsequential, they arise from the idea that with a VP title comes VP entitlement.
In my 37 years in corporate America, I've witnessed every one of the bad behaviors listed above, and many, many more. Most have gone unpunished, many even unremarked. It's just the way that it is. Meanwhile you, dear employee, should log out of Daily Kos right this minute and go fill out your annual integrity and ethics certification. You might be exposing your employer to all sorts of risks with your bad behavior. We can't have that.