From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
More Continuous Brain Loops
What are they thinking???
President Obama: "Woo hoo! Back in White House!...Woo hoo! Back in the White House!..."Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Mitt Romney: "[Sigh] Back in the Marriott…[Sigh] Back in the Marriott…"
Santa Claus: "Rick Scott? Coal… John Kasich? Coal… Scott Walker? Coal… Rick Snyder? Coal… Jan Brewer? Coal…"
Bashar al Assad: "Remind butler to pack my toothbrush and clean socks…Remind butler to pack my toothbrush and clean socks…"
Grover Norquist: "Stay away from bathtubs, Grov'…Stay away from bathtubs, Grov'…"
Sen. Scott Brown: "Take Warren off Christmas card list…Take Warren off Christmas card list…"
Chris Matthews: "Was that a tingle? No…Was that a tingle? No…Was that a tingle? YES!!!...Was that a tingle? No…"
Rush Limbaugh: "Oink…Oink…Oink…"
Jesus Christ: "Happy holidays!... Happy holidays!..."
Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) "… … …"
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, December 6, 2012
Note: To err is human. To belch, divine.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Fiesta of Our Lady of Guadalupe: 6
Days `til the start of the Candy Cane Train runs between Bath and Wiscasset, Maine: 9
Estimated number of private-sector jobs created in November: 118,000
(Source: ADP National Employment Report)
Percent of Americans who will blame House Republicans and the president, respectively, for adverse effects from dropping off the fiscal curb: 53% / 27%
(Source: Pew Research poll)
Age of the earliest-known dinosaurs, according to an analysis of fossils dug up in the 1930s: 240-245 million years
Number of artificial trees that are expected to be sold this year, up 6% from last year: 13.4 million
Estimated 2012 sales from artificial trees: $1.07 billion
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Scientists, a reality-based bunch of empiricists if ever there was one, are in no doubt about global warming. The only question is about how fast it's happening. And many of the small minority who argue it is coming slowly are themselves in the pay of oil companies and industry groups.-
As Upton Sinclair observed, "It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it." And that is not conspiracy-mongering. That is reality.
Puppy Pic of the Day: Puppy…baby…what's not to love?
CHEERS to big bid'ness. Message from Joan, Beth and Linda at the Netroots Nation Holiday Bazaar Auction, which wrapped up Tuesday night:
Thank you again for helping make this wonderful tradition possible! Congrats to all those who won. For all those who donated, thank you for sharing your talent with the community. And if you don't have your registration yet for Netroots Nation 2013 San Jose (June 20-23), visit www.NetrootsNation.org today!This year's auction raised over $3,600 (including $77 for the C&J duck cookies), and it'll go to help fund Netroots Nation's programming. So thanks again to everyone who donated and bid. And on a personal note, I can't wait 'til my new liver gets here. Best $15 I ever spent, I hope.
JEERS to same silliness, different day. As Congress adjourns for the week (I hope they didn't break any nails), the fiscal cliff saga continues. Here's a recap of yesterday's action:
"Speaker Boehner, sir? You have to breathe at some point, sir. You're turning blue, sir. You're starting to freak me out, sir. Sir?This will be my last fiscal cliff update of the week. You're welcome.
CHEERS to going nuclear. Senate Republicans have abused the filibuster more gleefully than a podiatric dominatrix on Dick Morris's toes. So Harry Reid and his allies (led by Jeff Merkley) have promised to make some minor but significant tweaks to the procedural rules. This week they reiterated their commitment to the task:
itself on 'restraint' hath wrought.
“There are discussions going on now, but I want to tell everybody here: I’m happy, I’ve had a number of Republicans come to me and a few Democrats,” the Democratic majority leader told reporters Tuesday afternoon. “We’re going to change the rules. We cannot continue in this way. So I hope we can get something Republicans will work with us on.Damn right. Harry got Lucy-footballed by McConnell, and this is why neither party can have nice things in the Senate anymore. The rules need to be changed. That way minority Republicans will be forced to show America just how deeply they care about stopping the tyrannical legislation of the majority for the good of the Union by using airtight logic and appealing to our collective sense of justice, equality and fair play. You can laugh now…that was the punchline.
But it won’t be a handshake,” Reid added. “We tried that last time; it didn’t work.”
CHEERS to sweet sounds. The Grammy Awards were announced last night and you can check out the full list here It was great to see Dave Brubeck's name on the list one more time (for Best Instrumental Composition: "Music Of Ansel Adams: America"). For my money the Spoken Word category is the one I'll be watching. Talk about your epic showdowns---it's the Clinton vs. Obama matchup you never thought you'd see, backed by a Greek chorus of lesbians:
Best Spoken Word AlbumMeanwhile, my all-time favorite composer, John Williams, got his 62nd nod for his Adventures of Tintin score. Congratulations, Maestro---at age 80 you finally have enough Grammy certificates to wallpaper your rumpus room.
American Grown---Michelle Obama
Back To Work: Why We Need Smart Government For A Strong Economy---Bill Clinton
Drift: The Unmooring Of American Military Power---Rachel Maddow
Seriously... I'm Kidding---Ellen DeGeneres
Society's Child: My Autobiography---Janis Ian
CHEERS to having a cast-iron constitution. Ol' Besse Cooper down Georgia-way has died. She held the Guinness Book record as the oldest person in the world. Among those who owed her a debt of gratitude: Harry Truman…
1896, when Besse Cooper was born.
Besse Cooper was born in Sullivan County, Tennessee, on August 26, 1896. She began to go to school at age 5---yes, she walked from a log cabin---to make sure one of her brothers attended. She grew to love going to class and eventually went to East Tennessee Normal School (now East Tennessee State University) in Johnson City to study education. When she graduated, she got a job earning $35 a month. When she heard from a friend she could make more in Georgia, she got a job in Monroe making twice as much.Doctors say she expired from an acute case of being 116.
As for her voting record, Besse Cooper didn't vote this year. Neither she nor her husband voted in 1948. They thought Thomas Dewey was a shoo-in.
Four years ago in C&J: December 6, 2008
JEERS to Arianna Huffington. The owner of the #1 blog in Bloggerland sat down with Jon Stewart Wednesday night to promote blogging (and to plug her new book on---surprise---blogging). All she managed to do was make blogging sound as exciting as watching paint dry. Among her pearls of wisdom: there's no need to edit what you write...just post your first draft. Yeah, tits a real goob idea!
JEERS to the coalition of the fleeing. The tenuous hold on stability in Iraq suffered a major blow late last week when Tonga cashed out and went home. I believe I speak for all Americans when I say: good luck and thanks for all the kava.
And just one more…
CHEERS to delightfully twisted minds. Today is Steven Wright's 57th birthday. Feast on the brain candy...
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.His bio says: "I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end." You can bless his camels on his Facebook page. But be polite---you know how hyper he gets.
Steven Wright is a very smart
man. I mean, look at the hat!
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
My girlfriend asked me if I slept well. I said no, I made a couple mistakes.
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
And now, to mark his 92nd birthday---and, sadly, our first full day without him, dammit---here's jazz legend Dave Brubeck to play us out. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:-
"The origin of the word cyborg was from a 1960 paper on Bill in Portland Maine, where it was used to describe the placement of external devices and clothing on a human to make them fit for Cheers and Jeers."
Esri R&D Center