After all, if you're going to war, you've got to know when you've won. You have to be able to judge its success based on certain objectives.
Art Brodsky's blog, Metrics for Winning the War on Christmas, declares the achievements by which we can declare our victory.
Some are listed below; go to the (very funny) article for more.
The War on Christmas will be determined successful when:
* Year-round Christmas stores close up.
* Radio stations no longer switch to Christmas-only music.
* Caribou are called caribou all year round, and don't take on identities as reindeer for the last six weeks of the year. None of them, whatever they are called, has a red nose.
* Outside lights on houses are for illumination only, not for decoration (whether synchronized to music or not.) Displays of snow men and sleds, however, are still appropriate.
* Trees are not artificially transplanted indoors, to be draped and adorned, only to die or be disposed of a few weeks later.
* Jewish people can relax and return Hanukkah (or Chanukah, depending on your preference) to its former status as a minor holiday. Hanukkah bushes will no longer be needed.
* Everyone will go to work on Dec. 25 as a regular work day should it fall during the week.
* Dec. 25 will be universally recognized as the birthday of Humphrey Bogart, Clara Barton, Sissy Spacek, Rod Serling, Rick Berman, Jimmy Buffet and Annie Lenox.