Repugnants, you were wise to spend the past four years emailing each other pictures of watermelon patches on the White House lawn, and chimpanzee families without birth certificates, instead of, oh, I dunno, vetting candidates, developing policies, drawing up election strategies. You know. Puttering.
So congratulations on auctioning off your presidential nomination to the highest bidder. Way to fulfill the sacred duty of political leadership with which your country has so misguidedly entrusted you. That goes for your v.p. pick, too. Only your best and brightest for America, huh? Yeah, baby. Country First.
And congratulations also to Mr. Adelson, Mssrs. Koch and Kocher, and all the rest of you checkers-playing billionaires. Never before in the annals of douchbaggery have so many paid so much for so little.
Yes, 2012 has been a lot of fun, but time and Intrade wait for no man.
So tell me, who have you got waiting in the wings for 2016?
Santorum again? Sorry, I don't normally use that kind of language.
Jon Huntsman is probably good for another 30, 40 million.
Maybe Jebya? Sure, the Tea Partiers will go for him big time. Not to mention anyone who lived through those eight glorious years of Mission Accomplished.
Tim Pawlenty might have another weekend to kill.
Bobby Jindal could be delusional enough.
Chris Christie sure looks hungry to get in.
And if memory serves, I think Rick Perry would like to run.
Three guys I'm watching are the "Young" Guns. Could Eric Cantor be the first Jewish non-Christian nominee? Will Paul Ryan be up for a run? And let's not forget Aynal Rand. How cool would it be to see Cantor, Ryan, and Rand in a three-way?
Struggle for the nomination, I mean.
Of course, Scott Brown will probably have some time on his hands.
Scott Walker could actually give you a shot at winning Wisconsin. Probably ten or twelve other states, too.
Let's not forget Rob Portman / Bob McDonnell / John Thune / Pat Toomey. Oops, too late, I already have.
And that's before we even consider the your real heavyweights. You know, Newt, Trump, and Herman Cain. Yeah, as if I had to list them.
And by all means, let's look the ladies over, too, since we both know that's pretty much all you intend to do.
There's Susan Martinez. She's doesn't seem to have any political identity issues.
Michele Bachmann tells me she'd be the perfect candidate again.
Sarah Palin might have some time between cable tv gigs. Unless, you know, she gets into pay-per-view.
Who knows, maybe Kay Hutchinson can bail you out.
And I don't think anybody can predict whether Condoleezza Rice will launch a bid.
Step aside, '27 Yankees. That is quite a lineup.
And it's pretty much all you've got.
So I guess that means... see you in 2020?
It's a date.
The Republican Party: Turning the American Dream into a Nightmare since 1981.