According to the Unusually Suspect News Agency
Yesterday at noon a group of visitors evaded strict security at the NRA headquarters in Virginia. They were able to infiltrate the HQ building carrying deadly plastic sporks. Most deployed to the staff lunchroom, while others blocked exits. Then started the vicious attack on staff members' brown bag lunches. Sadly 37 lunches were destroyed before well-armed staffers bought down the last terrorist. While most invaders were neutralized by fire from NRA employees, some succumbed to self-inflicted spork pricks. No member of the NRA office staff was injured. A memorial service for those 37 innocent lunches is scheduled for Thursday morning, and CEO Wayne LaPierre will delivery the eulogy. One employee interviewed broke down weeping. "My wife made my favorite sandwich. We are devastated', he said.Do not venture over the snow covered mound of fettucini with vodka sauce, there is no there there.
'It is long past time to institute meaningful spork control. I blame the powerful eating utensil lobby for preventing effective measures from being enacted in Congress,' an NRA spokesman added.
A sporksperson from the Alliance for Plastic Disposables predictably blamed violent cooking shows on television, and the recent increase of unregulated picnics and catered events for the tragedy.
This has been another in my series of NRA ridicule. The first is here.
Ha! made you look!