If I could post the whole article, I would. It's that funny. However, we'll need the proper soundtrack:
Boehner had to go. That much was certain. He betrayed Conservative Principles and not only let taxes go up, but he gave He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named a victory. Again.
But here was the first problem. Who was going to replace him? Cantor and Ryan (The Marmalard and Niedermeyer of the House) didn't want it. That should have been the warning right there. But no, that didn't stop our intrepid plotters.
So they did what secret plotters in all the movies do. They went to a bar and discussed it openly. Trouble is, in a bar, a plotter can be overheard. Also, this is the bar where EVERYONE in Washington hangs out.
So they started whipping votes. All they needed was 20. Twenty votes and there would have been a second ballot. What then? Perhaps they were hoping that in the free-for-all some Noble Knight of No to rise and take on the mantle of the Opposer-in-Chief.
But alas, it was not to be. As in many such caper movies, just when the bad guys are about to pull off their nefarious plot, someone gets cold feet and things start going horribly wrong.
Here’s where things went truly, hilariously awry. Any good coup depends on stealth. But on Thursday, an enterprising Politico photographer snapped Rep. Tim Huelskamp sitting in open session reading from his iPad — not making this up — the entire roster of the plot against Boehner. Just so there was no mistaking that he was up to no good, the document was entitled “YOU WOULD BE FIRED IF THIS GOES OUT.” Not making that up either.As it was, the plotters were less than ten votes short of denying Boehner a majority of votes.
How close did they come?
Boehner had to rely on the votes of Marsha Blackburn and.....wait for it...
I'll give you a few moments to let that sink in.
Ready to go on? Good. Now, while this story really does deserve the bubbanomics HAHAHAHAHA treatment, I feel I need to offer one sobering thought:
These are the people running the House of Representatives right now. These are the Tea People that were elected in 2010 and cemented in place by the hyperpartisan gerrymandering of 2011. The people involved in the coup attempt were NOT the "usual suspects" of the Caucus of Crazy, but rather some of the "saner" ones according to the punditry. These are the people who have up to 70 votes and more. These are the people that Majority Leader Cantor cultivated in 2011 and 2012.
These are the people who have no problems at all saying things like this:
So yeah, they tried and failed to oust Speaker Boehner. That proves their incompetence. And they now have to GOVERN. Which they CANNOT DO. But they MUST because they are the ones who were elected to govern.